A pep talk: Even lions need to lick their wounds…

Family Dynamics & Boundaries • July 10, 2022

LAST UPDATED: APRIL 2026

All my downtime was spent thinking about how to financially protect my young family, how to make us safer, more secure, more stable than the world I was born into.

I didn’t feel like there was a choice but to keep going because the buck stopped with me.

And I know it does with you, too.

I see how hard you’re working and you GET to be tired and weary of it.

You’re in one of the hardest times of your life right now and things don’t feel stable and secure yet.

You don’t feel stable and secure yet.

You feel shaky and that’s okay.

Your plane isn’t at cruising altitude yet.

It will be though.

Kiddo, please hear me.

You’re phenomenal.

You’re so strong, so capable.

That’s not a compliment.

That’s a fact.

I’ve watched you since you were little and I’ve marveled at your strength and capacities.

You were such a little trooper.

Working hard and creating spaces for yourself even when there were none.

And you’re still doing it.

I admire you so much, not because I’m your grandparent, but because you’re an incredible human.

And yes, you’re strong and so very, very capable.

Just like a lion.

But kiddo, even lions need to lick their wounds sometimes.

Even the strongest need a break.

They need a place they can retreat to and allow themselves to feel sad, scared, and overwhelmed

That doesn’t make you weak.

That makes you human.

And this also isn’t how you feel most of the time – I know you.

I know how much you can shoulder.

Thank you — check your inbox.

Your guide is on its way.

But right now it feels like too much and that’s okay.

It’s okay to let it feel like too much and it’s okay to be honest with yourself and with me about it.

I want to be a safe space for you to say how you actually feel.

I love you so much.

I’ve always felt connected to you ever since you were little.

Honestly, I felt more connected to you than I did some of my own children.

I see so much of myself in you and I am so, so proud of you.

You’re changing your life and your family’s trajectory just like I tried to do with mine.

Anyone can build a nice house on a solid foundation with plenty of resources to do so.

It’s another thing entirely when you have no foundation under you and have to carve that out first and scrimp and scrape and count only on yourself to find the means to build a house.

That’s you, kiddo.

You’re doing this generation changing work of trying to heal, of trying to build, of not just surviving life but actually trying to live out your potential.

Life will always feel harder when you come from as little as you and I did.

Life will always feel harder when you’re not just content with hiding and getting by but instead trying to live in a bigger way that not only helps yourself but helps others.

You are a lion, kiddo.

And even lions need to lick their wounds.

So, please, don’t dismiss how you feel.

Don’t deny it.

Let yourself feel sad.

Let yourself feel scared.

And let yourself feel overwhelmed.

It makes so much sense that you would feel that way!

Let yourself feel all your feelings, let yourself have a little pity party.

It won’t be forever.

You won’t always feel this way.

But you DO need to let yourself feel how hard things feel right now.

And I have a hunch that if you do actually let yourself feel sorry for yourself, even for a little bit, you’ll actually feel better.

Feel your feelings, get some good sleep, and then get up the next day and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Because that’s what lions do.

We persist, we persevere.

All of this work you’re doing, to heal yourself, to build a responsible, good adult life for yourself, it is hard.

But it’s also what’s making you stronger and more capable.

Look back on who you were five years ago.

Could you even imagine being capable of what you’re currently doing back then?

No, right?

You became the person you are today – a person capable of handling that much more – because you moved through that hardship.

These hard times are uncomfortable, no doubt.

But they also shape you into a stronger, more capable, more resilient person.

Can you look back and remember those other times in your life when you felt like everything was falling down around you?

Remember?

And then can you see, even a little bit, now in hindsight, how things also came together for you?

With that rearview perspective, can you see how the changing and shaking up of things, that experience of feeling like everything was falling apart was actually exactly what you needed to bring you to where you are today?

To who you are with today?

To make you into the extraordinary person you are today?

I can see that so clearly for you and I trust that it will be true again in these hard, shaky, scary, overwhelming times.

I have trust and faith that things will come together for you and that it will all work out for the best, not because of some magical wishing, but because of who you are.

You show up and solve problems, one at a time. And you make good decisions, one at a time.

You do the best you can, and then you get up the next day and do it again.

You will get through these hard times because of who you are. And because of how you are as you move through life.

And in time, maybe five years from now, or five months from now, I have faith you’ll be able to look back at this moment and see how it was actually a good thing.

But remember: as you move through these hard times, even lions need to lick their wounds.

You can’t be strong all the time. It’s just not possible. No one is.

So in those moments when you need to lick your wounds, when you feel like you can’t go on, when you need someplace and someone safe to turn to, I hope you’ll let me be that person for you.

I love you, kiddo.

You’ve got this.

And I’ve got you.

Warmly,

Annie

Absolutely not. Even the strongest people need witness and support during hard times. Needing encouragement isn’t weakness—it’s human. The tragedy of trauma is being conditioned to see normal human needs as character flaws.

Why does life feel harder for trauma survivors than others?

You’re not just managing normal adult responsibilities—you’re simultaneously building the foundation others inherited, healing wounds while working, and creating stability without a safety net. It’s like building a house while creating the ground beneath it.

Can imaginary supportive figures really help when real support is absent?

Yes. Internal resources like imagined good-enough parents can provide genuine comfort and co-regulation. Your nervous system responds to imagined safety and support, especially when coupled with self-compassion practices.

How do I know if I’m actually making progress when everything feels overwhelming?

Look back five years—could that version of you handle what you’re managing now? Current overwhelm often means you’re at capacity because you’re capable of so much more than before. The struggle itself is evidence of growth, not failure.

Finding Parental Support Through Trauma Therapy

When you enter therapy carrying the weight of adult responsibilities while simultaneously grieving the parents you needed but never had, you’re addressing one of relational trauma’s cruelest wounds—the absence of a safe harbor when storms hit, discovering that what your grandmother would say to you if she could becomes something your therapist helps you internalize as an inner resource.

Your trauma-informed therapist becomes a temporary stand-in for the good-enough parent, offering what was missing: someone who sees your exhaustion without calling you weak, who validates your overwhelm without dismissing your strength, who holds unwavering faith in your capacity while honoring your very real limitations—teaching your nervous system that support doesn’t come with conditions or criticism.

The therapeutic process involves both grieving the support you’ll never receive from actual parents and developing internal resources to self-parent during crises. Your therapist might guide you through imaginal work, helping you cultivate an inner good-enough grandfather or grandmother whose voice gradually becomes louder than the critical or absent parental voices from childhood.

Through consistent therapeutic attunement—your therapist remembering your struggles, celebrating your wins, normalizing your exhaustion—you internalize a new template for support, learning that needing help doesn’t mean you’re failing and that even lions need safe spaces to rest.

Most powerfully, therapy provides the corrective experience of being held through overwhelm without being fixed, rushed, or shamed—your therapist maintaining faith in your resilience while fully acknowledging how hard everything feels, modeling the Both/AND of strength and vulnerability.

Over time, their consistent presence becomes an internalized resource you can access during 2am panic spirals or workplace crises, discovering that the parental support you needed can be cultivated internally even when it’s forever absent externally, transforming abandonment into self-companioning, isolation into internal dialogue with figures who finally, truly see you.

The invisible patterns you can’t outwork…

Medical Disclaimer