Starting Therapy After Selling Your Company

You don’t have to bring a polished version of the sale. Start with what changed and what you’d like help with.

A Sunday at the dining room table

Judy is an illustrative composite, invented for this piece. She isn’t a real client or a real founder, and the firm in her story doesn’t exist. She’s 57, and in the spring she sold the commercial-interiors firm she’d run for twenty-two years, the one that fit out offices, clinics and a few restaurants across three states.

It’s a gray Sunday afternoon in late October. She’s at the dining room table with a stack of old floor plans she meant to recycle weeks ago, and she’s turned one over to write on the blank side. The house is quiet except for the dishwasher running its last cycle. A friend gave her the name of a therapist last week, and Judy’s trying to work out what she’d say if she called.

She writes three lines in pencil. Sold the firm in April. I don’t know what my weeks are for now. I’d like to talk to someone about it.

Then she starts a fourth line about the earn-out, erases it and starts it again. She looks at the three lines for a long time. They seem too short to her, and she isn’t sure they’re wrong.

If you’ve sold a company and you’re thinking about therapy, this piece is about where Judy is, which is the beginning. It covers how to start looking, what you can say about the sale without preparing a polished account, what a first conversation can do and which questions belong with someone else. It won’t tell you whether therapy is right for you. A sale doesn’t, by itself, mean something clinical is going on, and it doesn’t rule that out either. Wanting to talk to someone after a big change is reason enough to ask.

If you need help today, none of this has to come first. In the U.S., in a life-threatening situation, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. In the U.S., if you’re suicidal or in emotional distress, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Outside the U.S., in a life-threatening situation, use your local emergency number.

This article is educational and developmental in nature. It isn’t a substitute for individualized care from a licensed clinician, and reading it doesn’t establish a therapist-client relationship. If you’re in crisis or having thoughts of suicide, in the United States call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Outside the US, visit findahelpline.com for local crisis resources.

What therapy is, and what it doesn’t prove

Before the practical part, it helps to be clear about the kind of care you’d be looking for.

That definition describes a kind of care. It doesn’t say a sale calls for it. Whether therapy fits depends on a person’s own concerns and needs, not on the sale itself.

The same entry says a psychotherapist is professionally trained and, in the United States, licensed by a state board, and it names clinical psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors, social workers and psychiatric nurses among them. The National Institute of Mental Health gives a similar list of professionals who offer psychotherapy. Credentials differ from one professional to the next, so you can ask any of them about their training and license.

NIMH also notes that a treatment plan should rest on a person’s own needs and medical situation, with guidance from a mental health professional. That’s useful to hold onto at the start. You don’t have to know what you need before you call. Working that out is part of what a qualified professional does with you.

You don’t need the polished version of the sale

If you’ve spent months telling the story of a sale to buyers, lawyers, your team and your family, you may have a version that’s smooth from use. It was built to answer their questions. It might not be the version that helps you decide whether to talk with a therapist.

A first conversation can start somewhere much simpler: what’s changed in your days, what’s changed with the people close to you and what you’d like help with. Judy’s three lines do that. They say when, they say what’s hard to name and they say what she wants.

You can start with the broad strokes: what’s different about your days and what you’d like help with. A therapist may ask about parts of the sale as you go. If some details feel sensitive, you can ask the provider how they approach that, and a question about what an agreement lets you share can go to an appropriately qualified legal adviser. Those questions don’t have to be settled before you ask for help, and a clear explanation isn’t something you have to earn first.

Putting your context into words is part of the work, not a detour from it. If you catch yourself rehearsing the explanation to get it right, that’s worth noticing. It might be something to bring into the conversation rather than something to finish first.

If what you notice most, when you try to put it into words, is a sense of loss, my guide to founder grief is about that loss specifically.

A new badge in a familiar lobby

Nour is a second illustrative composite, also invented. She isn’t a client or a real founder, and neither company in her story exists. She’s 46. She founded a specialty-coffee roasting company, sold it to a larger beverage company and stayed on as an employee of the buyer, running the roasting side while it’s folded in.

It’s a wet Wednesday morning in early November, and she’s standing in the lobby of the buyer’s regional office. Umbrellas drip in a steel stand by the door. The badge on her lanyard is new, and it carries the buyer’s logo above her name. Her own company’s name isn’t on it anywhere. The turnstile reads it on the second try.

In the elevator she opens a note on her phone that she started a week ago. It’s a short list of questions, and none of them has an answer yet. Should she look for a therapist through the benefits she has now, or find one on her own? What does her agreement with the buyer say about what she can discuss, and who should she ask? Does she want someone who knows the food business, or does that matter less than she thinks?

She adds one more line before the doors open: Ask someone who actually knows. Then she puts the phone away and walks toward the roasting floor, where the smell reaches the hallway before she does.

Her list mixes questions a therapist can help with and questions that may call for different expertise or a separately qualified adviser. That mix can come up after a sale, especially if you still work inside the company that bought yours. The sections below take those two kinds apart.

What a first conversation can and can’t do

Once you have a name or two, the next step may be a first conversation.

That’s a limited purpose, and it helps to keep it limited. A first conversation isn’t necessarily free, and it may not be a full assessment. Providers set up first contacts differently, so ask the provider what the first contact involves, how long it lasts and whether there’s a fee.

NIMH says plainly that rapport and trust are essential, and that it matters to feel comfortable with the therapist and confident in their expertise. So one thing to notice on that call is simple: what it’s like to talk to this person. Do you feel listened to? Could you imagine saying the harder sentence here eventually? You don’t have to be sure after one call.

It’s natural to want someone who already understands what a sale involves, so you won’t have to explain an earn-out or a transition role, or so the money won’t throw them. That’s a reasonable preference, and you can ask about it. It’s one preference among several, though. Familiarity with business isn’t a clinical qualification, and it doesn’t promise effective care. A clinician who’s never worked with a founder may still be well placed to assess what’s happening and help with it.

Two things are worth telling apart when you ask. One is relevant clinical experience: training and experience with the concerns you’re bringing, whatever they turn out to be. The other is curiosity about your context, meaning whether they ask thoughtful questions about the sale and your life around it and seem interested in what you say. Both can matter, and neither one replaces the other.

Judy’s friend suggested this therapist because she’s easy to talk to, not because she’s worked with founders. Judy doesn’t know yet whether that matters to her. She’s written it at the bottom of the floor plan, under the three lines, as something to ask.

NIMH also suggests asking what approach a therapist would use and what the rationale and evidence base are for it, and asking about fees, whether they accept insurance and whether they have a sliding scale. For a fuller set of questions, my guide to therapy for female founders has a list written for women who are still building.

Questions that belong somewhere else

Not every question after a sale is a therapy question, or only a therapy question. Questions about what a contract lets you disclose, or what it obliges you to keep to yourself, belong with an appropriately qualified legal adviser. Questions about a provider’s records, fees and process belong with the provider you’re considering. If you’re thinking about using benefits, questions about what they include belong with the relevant benefits contact.

Tax, legal rights, benefits coverage and major financial decisions each call for separately qualified advice. That doesn’t make money and work off-limits in therapy. A therapist can talk with you about how the sale is affecting you, including how you feel about the money, the job you still have or the one you don’t. Talking through the personal side can be useful. It just doesn’t stand in for the qualified advice.

Nour’s note already does some of this sorting. The question about her agreement goes to a lawyer. The benefits question goes to the benefits contact and to any provider she considers. Whether she wants someone who knows her industry is something she can bring to a therapist, along with the question under it, which is what she’d like help with.

If you don’t know where to begin at all, NIMH notes that a primary care provider can do an initial mental health screening and refer you to a mental health professional.

Both/And: you can be relieved, unsure and ready to ask, all at once

A sale can bring several feelings at the same time, and none of them has to cancel the others. You might feel relieved that it’s done. You might be unsure what you want now. You might want support and also feel a little strange about wanting it.

None of that assumes the sale made you wealthy, or unhappy, or unwell. Some sales change a lot about someone’s finances and some change less than people expect. Someone can feel steady afterward and still want a person to talk to. Wanting support doesn’t have to mean something’s wrong.

Judy can be glad she sold and still not know what her weeks are for. She can think her three lines are too short and still call. Both can stay true while she decides.

The Systemic Lens: when the buyer is also where your week happens

Some of what makes starting harder isn’t personal. It comes from how an arrangement is set up. If you still work for the company that bought yours, several parts of your life may now run through the same organization: your paycheck, your benefits, your schedule and the colleagues you see every day.

If that’s your situation, the places you’d usually look for help may be tied to the same organization you’re adjusting to. Questions that would be simple elsewhere can start to feel tangled. That tangle says more about the arrangement than about you.

For Nour, the badge, the benefits and the calendar all come from the buyer now. That’s why her list has questions for three different people. Seeing it that way doesn’t answer any of them. It does explain why the sorting takes a while.

Not everyone stays on after a sale, and not every arrangement looks like Nour’s. If yours doesn’t, this part may not apply. If it does, it’s reasonable to take each question to the person who can actually answer it.

If something feels urgent

Everything above assumes you have time to look. If you don’t, the search can wait. Urgent help shouldn’t wait for the right therapist, a founder specialist, a benefits answer or a lawyer’s view.

In the U.S., in a life-threatening situation, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. In the U.S., if you’re suicidal or in emotional distress, call or text 988, or chat online, to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. The National Institute of Mental Health describes it as 24-hour support for anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress.

Outside the U.S., in a life-threatening situation, use your local emergency number. Find A Helpline lists helplines by country, which can help you look up a crisis line where you are. It’s a directory of helplines, not an emergency service or a therapist.

Where Judy and Nour are now

Judy hasn’t called yet. The floor plan is on the sideboard with the three lines and the question at the bottom, and she’s decided against a fourth line for now. She thinks she might call on Tuesday.

Nour has booked time with a lawyer about her agreement. The benefits question and the therapist question are still on the list, and the badge still reads on the second try.

Judy and Nour are each still at the start, without the full story ready. If you’re where they are, you can bring the concern that started your search, and ask a provider what the first contact involves.

Warmly,
Annie.