Because the two culturally dominant and Federally-recognized holidays during this time – Thanksgiving and Christmas – are family-centric. There’s often a slew of assumptions and questions that come from folks during this time that presupposes trauma or a relationship with family of origin. And all the attendant plan-making, visiting, and togetherness that relationship implies.
Implications and assumptions that might be anything but true, easy, or simple for someone who comes from a relational trauma background and/or who is currently estranged or disowned from their family system.
It’s a time of the year when well-meaning but impactful questions abound.
Zoom meetings, the preschool pickup line, bumping into your neighbor raking up the leaves:
“So what did you do for Thanksgiving?”
“Bet you can’t wait for Christmas — what are you doing this year?”
“Wait, you’re not going home for the holidays?!”
“So you DON’T love this time of the year?”
Maybe. Or not. Maybe DEFINITELY not.
For many of us, holidays can or has really triggered our trauma.
A reminder of what never was, what isn’t, and what likely won’t be.
At least with your family of origin.
But also, on top of what may feel explicitly triggering at this time, what’s also true for some is that this time of the year may also be IMPLICITLY triggering.
Meaning your body may have strong feeling memories of this time of the year.
A time of the year when the days get shorter, the weather turns colder, and fewer opportunities to leave the house become a reality (depending on where you live in the country).
A time of the year where, if you lived through an abusive, dysfunctional, or neglectful childhood trauma and the holidays, the end of the year might be triggering for your body and mind and not necessarily always with memory recall because of what could and would happen if you were stuck inside.
So please, if this is you, if you struggle with the holiday season for any reason, today’s essay is for you.
In it I share a list of 9 reminders, 15 scripts, and 8 supports to put in your proverbial toolbox to take care of yourself through these triggering winter holiday times.
I hope that even one thing I share feels supportive.
11 important reminders if the holidays feel triggering:
Consider this post a digital permission slip of sorts if you’re struggling this holiday season and remember:
- It’s okay to dislike the holidays.
- Your feelings are valid and you don’t need to feel guilty about it.
- You have the freedom to celebrate the holidays in any way you want.
- You can create your own traditions that make you happy.
- You don’t owe anyone anything during the holiday season.
- You can spend your time and energy in ways that feel right to you.
