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The Both/And of the 30s: Holding Joy and Grief at the Same Time
Woman holding a glass of wine, reflecting on joy and grief in her 30s

The Both/And of the 30s: Holding Joy and Grief at the Same Time

SUMMARY

The 30s often require embracing emotional complexity, where joy and grief coexist. This article explores the Both/And framework, highlighting how women navigate simultaneous feelings of gratitude and loss. Drawing on clinical insights from Diana Fosha and Bessel van der Kolk, it reveals how holding contradictory emotions reflects psychological health rather than instability. Through vignettes and research, it validates the ambivalence many experience in their 30s, encouraging a compassionate acceptance of this emotional duality.

Last reviewed: June 2026 by Annie Wright, LMFT

QUICK ANSWER · UPDATED JUNE 2026

The both/and of the 30s is the emotional reality that joy and grief coexist in this decade without canceling each other out. Major gains, including career growth, partnership, and possibly parenthood, arrive alongside real losses: the closing of options, the unchosen paths, the distance from who you once imagined you’d be. In my work with driven women in their 30s, the hardest part is usually releasing the idea that if the grief is real, the joy must be fake, or vice versa.


In short: The both/and of the 30s is the lived reality of joy and grief coexisting without canceling each other out, reflecting a decade of major gains and genuine losses that can’t be resolved by choosing which one is more real.


HOW I KNOW THIS

Across more than 15,000 clinical hours, I’ve worked with women in their 30s who felt they weren’t allowed to grieve because their lives looked successful from the outside, and that permission gap creates real suffering. Pauline Boss, PhD, psychologist and researcher, established that ambiguous loss, the grief of things that aren’t cleanly gone, produces some of the most complex and under-recognized mourning experiences (Boss 1999).

The Night She Cried Into a Glass of Good Wine (sensory opening)

The evening light slants low through Nadia’s apartment window, pooling gold across the kitchen counter where a half-empty glass of red wine catches the last glimmers of daylight. She sits quietly, the warmth of the wine contrasting with the chill in her chest. At 37, Nadia carries a tenderness that is both a balm and a weight, a mingling of gratitude for the family she’s built and a raw ache for the freedoms she left behind. Her tears come unbidden, tracing silent paths down cheeks that have learned to smile through complexity. This moment, so ordinary yet so charged, captures the essence of holding joy and grief at the same time 30s women often face. It’s a simultaneous experience of fullness and loss, vivid aliveness shadowed by mourning.

Sarah, 34, describes a similar paradox: “I love my partner more than I thought I could, but sometimes I grieve the parts of myself I’ve had to let go, the solo travels, the late-night spontaneity.” Her words echo the both/and 30s, where joy and grief simultaneously inhabit the same emotional landscape without canceling each other out. Clinical research supports this complexity. Diana Fosha, PhD, founder of Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP), emphasizes that the capacity to feel grief and aliveness at once signals psychological health rather than instability. She calls this a “core state” where transformance, deep emotional growth, occurs. In this light, Nadia’s tears and Sarah’s ambivalence are not contradictions to be fixed but profound markers of a mind and heart expanding to hold nuanced truths.

Bessel van der Kolk, MD, a psychiatrist and trauma researcher, further illuminates why this emotional complexity in the thirties feels so palpable in the body. In his seminal work, The Body Keeps the Score, van der Kolk describes how the nervous system can hold contradictory emotional states simultaneously, a kind of embodied ambivalence. This capacity allows a woman in her 30s to carry grief for what has been lost alongside gratitude for what remains. The body doesn’t force a choice between them; it weaves them into the fabric of lived experience. Nadia’s trembling hands and Sarah’s quiet sighs are somatic expressions of this capacity, a dance between holding on and letting go that defines much of the emotional complexity thirties bring.

Such moments of holding joy and grief at the same time 30s reveal are not fleeting but foundational. They challenge the cultural narrative that emotions must be neat and singular. Instead, they invite a both/and approach that honors ambivalence in your 30s as both normal and necessary. This is the paradox of the decade: grief and gratitude at the same time, pride and mourning coexisting without erasing one another. Nadia’s glass of wine, the tears she sheds, and Sarah’s tender reflections form the clinical and human heart of this experience. They remind us that emotional complexity thirties are not a problem to solve but a terrain to be navigated with courage, presence, and compassion.

What Emotional Contradiction Actually Is (and Why It Isn't Instability)

DEFINITION BOTH/AND FRAMEWORK

A concept recognizing that two seemingly contradictory emotional truths can coexist simultaneously, such as joy and grief experienced at once.

In plain terms: The idea that you can feel two opposing emotions at the same time, like happiness and sadness, and both are valid.

Imagine Nadia at 37, sitting quietly in her sunlit kitchen, a steaming cup of tea in hand. She feels a swell of gratitude for the family she’s built, the deep friendships she’s nurtured, and the career milestones she’s reached. Yet beneath that gratitude simmers a persistent ache for the youthful dreams that quietly slipped away, freedom, spontaneity, and a sense of boundless possibility. This is the essence of holding joy and grief at the same time 30s often demand: an emotional landscape where contradictory feelings coexist without canceling each other out.

Clinical wisdom from Diana Fosha, PhD, founder of Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP), offers a vital lens here. Fosha’s research on core affective states reveals that experiencing grief and aliveness simultaneously is not a sign of emotional instability but rather a marker of psychological health. The presence of grief does not negate the experience of joy; instead, these emotions interweave to form a rich tapestry of human experience. For women navigating their thirties, this both/and emotional complexity thirties create can feel disorienting but is deeply authentic.

Bessel van der Kolk, MD, psychiatrist and trauma researcher renowned for his book The Body Keeps the Score, further illuminates the body’s remarkable capacity to contain ambivalence in your 30s. His work underscores how the nervous system can hold grief and gratitude at the same time, allowing for a nuanced emotional state that embraces paradox. This bodily capacity to carry seemingly contradictory feelings is a testament to resilience, not dysfunction, and explains why moments of joy can coexist with profound mourning without shattering one’s sense of self.

Sarah, 34, describes this experience as “feeling proud of the career I’ve built while quietly mourning the personal sacrifices I made along the way.” Her narrative echoes a common theme among women in their 30s who find themselves balancing pride and sorrow, love and loss, ambition and resignation. This emotional ambivalence in your 30s can sometimes trigger self-doubt or confusion, especially in a culture that often demands emotional clarity and linear narratives. Yet embracing the both/and 30s framework can provide relief by validating that holding joy and grief simultaneously is not only possible but necessary.

Understanding this emotional contradiction as a natural, even vital, aspect of the thirties invites a shift away from pathologizing complexity toward honoring it. When the nervous system and psyche are allowed to hold these tensions, growth becomes possible. The emotional complexity thirties bring is less about instability and more about the capacity to live fully within the paradox, grief and gratitude at the same time, offering a richer, more textured experience of self.

For those wondering why their 30s feel harder than their 20s, the answer often lies in this deepening emotional landscape. The requirement to hold contradictory truths simultaneously, rather than resolve them, can feel unsettling but is, in fact, a sign of evolving psychological maturity. To explore more about why your 30s feel harder than your 20s, visit this post, and for insight into the emotional hollowness sometimes experienced by driven women in this decade, see this resource.

The Neuroscience of Holding Two Truths at Once

DEFINITION EMOTIONAL COMPLEXITY IN THE 30S

The phenomenon where individuals in their 30s experience layered and often conflicting emotions as they navigate personal and professional transitions.

In plain terms: Feeling mixed and sometimes opposing emotions during your 30s as you face life’s changes.

Imagine Nadia at 37, sitting quietly on her porch as dusk softens the sky. She feels a swell of gratitude for the home she’s built, the partner beside her, the career she’s crafted. Yet beneath that warmth, a subtle ache lingers, a mourning for the years when freedom felt boundless, for the dreams that quietly slipped away. This simultaneous experience of joy and grief isn’t a sign of instability; rather, it reflects the brain’s remarkable ability to hold complexity, a phenomenon supported by neuroscience and trauma research.

Diana Fosha, PhD, founder of Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP), highlights the concept of “core affective states,” where grief and aliveness coexist within the same emotional space. Her work suggests that the presence of grief alongside vitality marks not psychological fragmentation but a deep, transformative engagement with life’s realities. This “both/and” emotional state allows individuals in their 30s to process loss while remaining open to new growth and connection, a dynamic particularly poignant during this decade of shifting identities and priorities.

Building on this, psychiatrist and trauma researcher Bessel van der Kolk, MD, author of The Body Keeps the Score, emphasizes the body’s capacity to embody contradictory emotional states simultaneously. His research reveals that trauma does not just reside in memory but in the body’s nervous system, which can hold ambivalence, such as joy and grief simultaneously, without collapsing into chaos. For women in their 30s, this means the tension between pride in accomplishments and the quiet mourning of what those achievements cost is not only expected but neurologically normal.

Sarah, at 34, describes this emotional complexity as “wearing two hats at once.” She feels elated celebrating a promotion while grappling with the loneliness that success sometimes brings. This ambivalence in your 30s can create a unique emotional landscape where joy and grief simultaneously shape experience. Neuroscience tells us that the prefrontal cortex, responsible for making sense of conflicting emotions, is still integrating these nuanced feelings, which can lead to moments of confusion but also profound self-awareness.

From a clinical perspective, recognizing the neuroscience behind holding joy and grief at the same time in the 30s validates the emotional complexity thirties so often present. It reframes ambivalence not as a problem to fix but as a natural expression of living through layered, sometimes contradictory truths. Holding grief and gratitude at the same time is less about emotional fragmentation and more about the mind and body’s remarkable capacity for what Fosha terms “transformance experience”,the ability to move through pain toward healing while truly feeling alive.

In practice, this means that the emotional dissonance experienced by many women in their 30s is not a sign of weakness or confusion but a hallmark of psychological resilience. The nervous system’s ability to integrate these feelings, as van der Kolk’s work underscores, is foundational for growth. Rather than seeking to eliminate grief to access joy, the both/and 30s invite a more expansive emotional repertoire, one where the coexistence of seemingly opposing feelings becomes a source of depth and authenticity.

How the Both/And Shows Up in Driven Women's 30s

In their 30s, many women encounter a profound emotional paradox: the simultaneous experience of joy and grief. Nadia, 37, describes this as “living in two worlds at once”,celebrating her thriving career and family while quietly mourning the youthful dreams that shifted or slipped away. This emotional complexity thirties phenomenon is not a sign of instability but rather an indicator of psychological depth and resilience. Diana Fosha, PhD, founder of Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP), highlights that the capacity to hold grief and aliveness simultaneously reflects a core affective state essential for transformation. Nadia’s experience embodies this both/and 30s reality, where grief and gratitude at the same time coexist within the same breath.

Sarah, 34, echoes this ambivalence in your 30s, describing how she feels both pride in her accomplishments and a persistent ache for the independence she once had. This coexistence of joy and grief simultaneously is not contradictory but complementary, revealing the nuanced emotional landscape of this decade. Bessel van der Kolk, MD, psychiatrist and trauma researcher, has extensively documented how the body holds emotional complexity, allowing individuals to carry seemingly opposing feelings without fragmentation. For Sarah, this means she can cherish her relationship and mourn her lost autonomy, embodying what Annie Wright names the Both/And framework: two truths held with equal validity.

The both/and 30s are characterized by this emotional simultaneity, where women do not have to choose between joy and sadness but can hold them together in a way that honors their full experience. This ambivalence in your 30s challenges the cultural narrative that demands clear-cut emotions or linear progress. Instead, it invites a more nuanced understanding of emotional reality, one that accepts grief and gratitude at the same time as natural, even necessary, for growth. This clinical recognition validates what many women live through daily: the complexity of pursuing meaningful goals while facing the inevitable losses that accompany change.

Clinically, this means embracing emotional complexity thirties as a hallmark of mature psychological functioning rather than pathology. It is common for driven women to experience grief over sacrifices made for their careers alongside genuine joy in their successes. Nadia’s late-night reflections, poured over a glass of wine, reveal this duality: tears for what’s been left behind, laughter for what’s been gained. Holding joy and grief at the same time 30s is not a burden but a testament to the depth of their inner world. This both/and perspective offers a compassionate framework for understanding the emotional texture of this decade, dismantling the myth that one must “get over” grief to fully embrace joy.

For therapists and clients alike, recognizing the both/and 30s opens space for healing that honors the full spectrum of feeling. It aligns with Fosha’s AEDP work emphasizing the transformance experience, where core affective states like grief and aliveness coexist, enabling profound emotional integration. Van der Kolk’s insights into the body’s role in holding contradictory states further underscore the embodied nature of this process. Rather than pushing against emotional ambivalence, women can learn to lean into it, cultivating resilience through acceptance of their complex inner landscape. To explore this layered experience more deeply, consider resources such as Annie Wright’s betrayal trauma guide at https://anniewright.com/betrayal-trauma-complete-guide/ and the broader discussion of this decade’s emotional terrain at https://anniewright.com/decade-of-decisions/.

The Grief Inside the Good Life

DEFINITION CORE STATE (AEDP)

A foundational emotional condition identified by Diana Fosha, where deep feelings like grief and aliveness coexist, indicating psychological resilience.

In plain terms: A basic emotional state where sadness and vitality exist together, showing emotional strength.

Holding joy and grief simultaneously is perhaps one of the most disorienting phenomenological features of the 30s. The woman who loves her partner and simultaneously grieves the autonomy she once wielded is engaging in a deeply human both/and process. This ambivalence in your 30s can feel destabilizing, but it is, in fact, a sign of emotional depth and growth. It challenges the simplistic narratives of success or failure, happiness or sadness, and instead invites a fuller, richer emotional palette. Recognizing this invites compassionate self-witnessing and a reframing of internal conflict as a natural, even necessary, feature of this decade’s emotional landscape.

Clinically, the grief inside the good life demands a nuanced approach that honors the coexistence of opposing feelings without pushing one to negate the other. This is where the work of AEDP becomes particularly relevant, offering therapeutic space to experience transformance, where the simultaneous presence of grief and aliveness can catalyze healing and integration. Rather than striving to resolve ambivalence into neat categories, embracing the both/and allows for emotional complexity thirties often require. It is an invitation to witness the full spectrum of experience without judgment, cultivating resilience through acceptance of paradox.

In sum, the experience of grief and gratitude at the same time in your 30s is a profound emotional reality that challenges cultural expectations of linear progress and unmitigated happiness. It is a sign of psychological maturity to hold these contradictory truths simultaneously, acknowledging that the 30s can be both the best and the hardest decade at once. The embodied capacity to carry this emotional complexity is not only a hallmark of the both/and 30s but also a gateway to deeper self-understanding and authentic living.

Both/And: Your 30s Can Be the Best and Hardest Decade Simultaneously

In your 30s, the emotional landscape often feels like a delicate dance between light and shadow, a simultaneous holding of joy and grief at the same time 30s. Nadia, at 37, describes it as waking up on a clear morning, feeling the warmth of sunlight on her face, yet carrying a quiet ache for the years that slipped through her fingers. This both/and 30s experience is not a sign of instability but rather an embodiment of emotional complexity thirties bring. As Diana Fosha, PhD, founder of Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP), highlights, the capacity to engage with grief and aliveness simultaneously reflects a core state of psychological health. It’s a transformance experience where the heart holds contradictory emotional truths without fracturing.

Sarah, 34, shares a similar story: the pride she feels stepping into leadership at work, paired with a persistent mourning for the freedom she once had before her career demanded so much. This ambivalence in your 30s is a hallmark of the decade’s emotional complexity. Bessel van der Kolk, MD, psychiatrist and trauma researcher, emphasizes in The Body Keeps the Score how the body itself holds these contradictory states, grief and gratitude at the same time, allowing for a nuanced, embodied experience rather than a fragmented one. The physical sensation of tightness in the chest alongside a swelling sense of accomplishment is not uncommon, and it’s an invitation to stay present with both feelings rather than choosing one over the other.

Holding joy and grief at the same time 30s invites a radical acceptance of life’s paradoxes. This decade is often the best and hardest simultaneously because it demands embracing the fullness of your emotional world. The woman who celebrates her growing family while grieving the loss of spontaneous weekends, or the woman who feels deeply grateful for her health yet quietly mourns the vitality of youth, exemplifies the both/and framework in action. The emotional complexity thirties bring is not a problem to be solved but a terrain to be navigated with curiosity and compassion.

Therapeutically, this means creating space for these dualities without rushing to resolve or dismiss them. Annie Wright’s approach encourages clients to witness their own ambivalence in your 30s as a form of strength. By acknowledging grief and gratitude at the same time, women can move toward a more integrated self-experience. If you find yourself caught in these tensions, know that therapy can be a vital space to explore and hold these emotions with care. You can learn more about therapy with Annie at https://anniewright.com/therapy-with-annie/.

Living in this both/and space is challenging but profoundly human. It’s a recognition that your 30s do not have to be defined by choosing joy or grief exclusively. Instead, they can be a rich tapestry woven from the full spectrum of your feelings. Subscribing to Annie’s newsletter at https://anniewright.com/newsletter/ offers ongoing insights into how to navigate this complexity with grace and groundedness, supporting you in holding the fullness of your experience as you move forward.

The Systemic Lens: Why Culture Can't Hold Complexity for Women

DEFINITION BODY’S CAPACITY FOR EMOTIONAL HOLDING

Bessel van der Kolk’s concept that the body can physically contain and process conflicting emotions, supporting mental health despite emotional ambivalence.

In plain terms: The body’s ability to manage and hold different feelings at once without becoming overwhelmed.

In the quiet moments when Nadia (37) sits alone after a long day, she feels the weight of cultural silence pressing in. Society often scripts women’s emotional lives in their 30s as linear narratives, achieve, settle, and then find contentment. But Nadia’s experience, rich with both relief for hard-won stability and a persistent ache for what she’s left behind, resists this tidy story. This ambivalence in your 30s isn’t just a personal struggle; it’s a reflection of a broader systemic discomfort with emotional complexity, especially for women. The cultural scripts rarely allow space for holding joy and grief at the same time 30s require, subtly encouraging a false choice between feeling grateful or feeling broken.

Diana Fosha, PhD, founder of Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP), highlights the psychological importance of what she calls the “transformance experience”,the simultaneous presence of core grief and aliveness. This state, which may feel disorienting, is actually a marker of psychological health rather than pathology. In the cultural context of women’s 30s, however, this nuanced emotional reality is rarely mirrored outside the therapy room. Instead, women encounter societal expectations that implicitly ask them to suppress grief to maintain a façade of success and gratitude, or conversely, to downplay joy when grief feels too raw. This systemic inability to hold complexity contributes to feelings of alienation and emotional fragmentation.

Moreover, cultural narratives often fail to acknowledge the systemic factors shaping women’s emotional lives in their 30s. Economic uncertainty, shifting social roles, and persistent gendered expectations compound the difficulty of holding joy and grief simultaneously. The societal lens tends to favor simplified stories of progress and achievement, leaving little room for the ambivalence in your 30s that many women live daily. This cultural mismatch can exacerbate the internal conflict, making it harder for women to integrate their contradictory truths into a coherent sense of self.

Recognizing the systemic lens is crucial for therapists and communities aiming to support women through this turbulent decade. It means validating the coexistence of pride and pain, freedom and loss, gratitude and grief. It also requires pushing back against cultural narratives that pathologize or invalidate emotional complexity. When women’s emotional experiences are held with curiosity and compassion, both in therapy and in the broader cultural conversation, they can begin to reclaim the fullness of their 30s, embracing the both/and nature of their lives with greater ease.

“I felt a Cleaving in my Mind. / As if my Brain had split ,”

Emily Dickinson, poet, “Fr 867”

Learning to Live in the Both/And

The body’s capacity to hold contradictory emotional states is central to this both/and experience. Bessel van der Kolk, MD, psychiatrist and trauma researcher, teaches us through his seminal work, The Body Keeps the Score, that the nervous system can and does contain grief and gratitude at the same time. This physiological holding capacity allows the emotional complexity thirties bring to coexist without forcing resolution or denial. Sarah, 34, shares how she can feel proud of her professional accomplishments while mourning the independence she traded away. Her body remembers the freedom she once had even as she stands firmly grounded in her present. This embodied ambivalence in your 30s is often disorienting but is, in fact, a profound form of emotional resilience.

Living in the both/and of your 30s means embracing emotional contradictions without rushing to simplify or explain them away. It means recognizing that joy and grief simultaneously can coexist within the same moment, that pride and loss are not enemies but companions on your path. This duality challenges the cultural narratives that urge women to choose between happiness and sorrow, success and sacrifice. Instead, it invites a more nuanced internal dialogue, one that honors the full spectrum of feelings. The nervous system’s capacity to hold this complexity, as van der Kolk’s research reveals, is a foundation for healing rather than fragmentation.

Clinically, cultivating this capacity requires compassionate self-awareness and sometimes therapeutic support. The work of fixing foundational relational and somatic patterns, available through resources like Fixing the Foundations,can create the internal safety needed to hold these emotional paradoxes. Learning to live in the both/and is not about erasing pain or maximizing joy but about witnessing both with equal presence. For many, this means leaning into moments of vulnerability, naming grief aloud even as gratitude blooms. It also means recognizing when ambivalence in your 30s feels overwhelming and seeking guidance to navigate those tides.

For those wondering where they fall on this spectrum of emotional complexity, Annie Wright offers a simple, grounding tool: a reflective quiz that helps clarify your relationship to joy and grief simultaneously. This can be found at anniewright.com/quiz. It is an invitation to slow down, notice the coexistence of contradictory feelings, and begin to hold them with curiosity rather than judgment. Ultimately, learning to live in the both/and of your 30s is a radical act of self-acceptance and a pathway toward deeper aliveness amid life’s inherent uncertainties.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Q: Is it normal to feel happy and sad about your life at the same time?

A: Yes, it is completely normal to feel happy and sad about your life simultaneously, especially in your 30s. This emotional duality reflects a healthy psychological state where you acknowledge both gratitude and loss. Rather than being a sign of instability, holding these feelings together shows emotional depth and resilience. It means you are processing your experiences authentically, recognizing that life’s joys and challenges often coexist.

Q: Why do I feel grief even when my life looks good from the outside?

A: Feeling grief even when your life appears good externally is common and understandable. Grief in this context often stems from mourning what you expected or hoped for, such as lost opportunities or changes in identity. This experience does not negate your gratitude or satisfaction but highlights the complexity of your emotional landscape. Acknowledging this grief can be a step toward greater self-compassion and emotional integration.

Q: What does it mean to hold two contradictory emotions simultaneously?

A: Holding two contradictory emotions simultaneously means accepting that opposing feelings, like joy and sorrow, can both be true at once. This capacity reflects emotional maturity and is supported by neuroscience, indicating that the brain and body can process complex emotional states without confusion. Rather than choosing one feeling over the other, embracing this ambivalence allows for a fuller, more nuanced experience of life.

Q: How do I stop feeling guilty for not being more grateful when my life is good?

A: Guilt about not feeling more grateful despite having a good life is a common struggle. It’s important to recognize that gratitude and grief can coexist without invalidating each other. Feeling grief or dissatisfaction does not mean you are ungrateful; it means you are human. Allowing space for all your emotions without judgment can reduce guilt and foster a more compassionate relationship with yourself.

Q: Can you love your life and still grieve what it cost you?

A: Yes, you can absolutely love your life and still grieve what it cost you. This dual experience is central to the Both/And framework and reflects emotional complexity rather than contradiction. Loving your life includes acknowledging the sacrifices and losses involved. Holding these feelings simultaneously honors your full emotional truth and supports healing and growth.

Related Reading

Continue the series: `/why your 30s feel harder than your 20s/`. `/tuesday afternoon hollow driven women 30s/`.

Explore Annie’s related resources: https://anniewright.com/decade-of-decisions/. https://anniewright.com/betrayal-trauma-complete-guide/. https://anniewright.com/therapy-with-annie/. https://anniewright.com/newsletter/. https://anniewright.com/fixing-the-foundations/. https://anniewright.com/quiz.

Related Reading

Kegan, Robert. In Over Our Heads: The Mental Demands of Modern Life. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1994.

Helson, Ravenna. “The Mills Longitudinal Study” and related research on women’s adult development. University of California, Berkeley.

Fry, Richard. “Young Adults in the U.S. Are Reaching Key Life Milestones Later Than in the Past.” Pew Research Center, May 23, 2023.

References

Peer-Reviewed Research (Vancouver)

  1. van der Kolk BA, Wang JB, Yehuda R, Bedrosian L, Coker AR, Harrison C, et al. Effects of MDMA-assisted therapy for PTSD on self-experience. PLoS One. 2024;19(1):e0295926. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0295926. PMID: 38198456.
  2. Iwakabe S, Edlin J, Fosha D, Thoma NC, Gretton H, Joseph AJ, et al. The long-term outcome of accelerated experiential dynamic psychotherapy: 6- and 12-month follow-up results. Psychotherapy (Chic). 2022;59(3):431-446. doi:10.1037/pst0000441. PMID: 35653751.

Books & Cultural Sources (Chicago Author-Date)

  • Dickinson, Emily. The complete poems of Emily Dickinson. Little, Brown, 1960.
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About the Author

Annie Wright, LMFT

LMFT · Relational Trauma Specialist · W.W. Norton Author

Helping driven women finally feel as good as their résumé looks.

Annie Wright is a licensed psychotherapist (LMFT #95719) and trauma-informed executive coach with over 15,000 clinical hours. She works with driven women. Including Silicon Valley leaders, physicians, and entrepreneurs. In repairing the psychological foundations beneath their impressive lives. Annie is the founder and former CEO of Evergreen Counseling, a multimillion-dollar trauma-informed therapy center she built, scaled, and successfully exited. A regular contributor to Psychology Today, her expert commentary has appeared in USA Today, Forbes, Business Insider, Inc., NBC, and The Information. She is currently writing her first book with W.W. Norton.

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Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT #95719)

Clinical Experience

15,000+ direct clinical hours

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Creator of House of Life and Fixing the Foundations

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Founder & former CEO, Evergreen Counseling


Featured Expert Commentary

Regular contributor to Psychology Today. Expert commentary has appeared in USA Today, Forbes, Business Insider, Inc., NBC, and The Information.

Research & Evidence

The framework in this article is grounded in peer-reviewed research on adult development, attachment, and mental health. Selected references:

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