I arrived at Esalen Institute a few days before Christmas 2007 and spent nearly four years living on the cliffs of Big Sur learning how to be in better relationship with myself, others, and the world in general.

Those precious years were – hands down – some of the most formative, challenging, and healing times of my life and this weekend while I strolled the grounds and soaked in the environment that had once been my longtime home, I couldn’t help but reflect on the many lessons and insights that I had learned and earned during my time here.

It was particularly fitting this visit followed Thanksgiving because, as I reflected on what I’ve learned, it’s thanks to my many teachers at Esalen — my facilitators, my workshop leaders and teachers, my coworkers, my friends, and even the workshop participants themselves — that I learned lessons that helped me then (and now) in my quest to live a more enlivened life. The very thing I set out looking for in my mid-twenties…

So in today’s post, I want to share 44 lessons. Filtered through my unique experience and interpretation. Learned from my nearly four years of living at Esalen and four years living away, in the hopes that these ideas may feel helpful to you, too, no matter where you are on your journey.

So pour yourself a cup of tea and keep reading…

44 Lessons Learned.

1) Sometimes when we set off on our healing journeys, we’re like a fish who’s being asked, “How’s the water?”

If you ask a fish this question you’ll get a blank stare. Because, to a fish, the water is all he’s ever known. And sometimes we begin our healing journeys — like recovering from abusive childhoods or other traumas. We simply don’t know what we don’t know. So we’re very much like the fish who can’t distinguish water when asked because that’s all he’s ever known…

2)… But then, at a certain point, we may get taken out of the water. And we suddenly know what they’re talking about when they say “WATER.” (and sometimes this part is painful!)

At a certain point in our healing journeys we will proverbially “be taken out of the water”. Whether that’s through our work with a therapist, a friendship, or even through a book. We begin to recognize that what was normal and natural for us at one point, now doesn’t seem so normal and natural. In other words, we’re becoming aware of the “water”. We’re becoming aware of knowing what we don’t know, and this part of the process can feel painful! But if we keep going at this point, if we’re willing to tolerate the discomfort of knowing what we don’t know and showing up for our process, we’ll likely make progress…