And really, it’s unlikely you will have the same response as my toddler did if someone tells you that you’ve run out of frozen waffles, but still, the concept of being in or outside your Window of Tolerance applies to all of us and you inevitably have your own adult version of the frozen waffle trigger.
No matter what our age, no matter what the trigger, the concept of the Window of Tolerance is so important and so critical to foster to support our overall mental health.
If you’re curious to learn more about what the Window of Tolerance is, why it’s so important for our mental health, and, importantly, if you’re interested in some concrete information to expand your Window of Tolerance, keep reading.
What is the Window of Tolerance?
The Window of Tolerance is a term and concept coined by the esteemed psychiatrist Daniel J. Siegel, MD – clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine and executive director of the Mindsight Institute. It describes the optimal emotional “zone” we can exist in, to best function and thrive in everyday life.
On either side of the “optimal zone” there are two other zones – the hyper-arousal zone and the hypo-arousal zone.
The Window of Tolerance – the optimal zone – is characterized by a sense of groundedness, flexibility, openness, curiosity, presence, an ability to be emotionally regulated, and a capacity to tolerate life’s stressors.
If this Window of Tolerance is eclipsed, if you experience internal or external stressors that cause you to move beyond and outside of your Window of Tolerance, you may find yourself existing in either a hyper-aroused or hypo-aroused state.
Hyperarousal is an emotional state characterized by:
- high energy
- anger
- panic
- irritability
- anxiety
- hypervigilance
- overwhelm
- chaos
- fight or flight instincts
- and startle response (to name but a few characteristics).
Hypoarousal is, by contrast, an emotional state characterized by:
- shutting down
- numbness
- depressiveness
- withdrawal
- shame
- flat affect
- and disconnection (to name but a few characteristics).
(Side note: Visually, I like to imagine the Window of Tolerance as a river. The water flowing through the middle is the Window of Tolerance. But the bank to the left is hyperarousal and the bank to the right is hyperarousal. The goal is to stay in the flow of the water and avoid crashing into the banks on either side.)
Circling back to the vignette at the top of this essay.
My toddler, upon learning that she couldn’t have her beloved frozen waffles for breakfast this morning, was faced with a stressor so big that it pushed her into hyperarousal. She was so upset that she had to literally run away from me to discharge the energy in her body. She expressed her anger and overwhelm by beating the hallway floor with her fists and feet.
