Was my childhood traumatic?
First, I want to acknowledge that if you’re even asking this question, there’s some small part of you that already has the answers you may need.
In my experience, people who don’t come from abusive, dysfunctional, or traumatic childhoods don’t even entertain this question.
They barely let the thought occupy a moment of their time. It takes up no real estate in their mind.
They feel secure and comfortable in their experience and wouldn’t ever call it traumatic.
They see that question on the screen or hear it spoken out loud, and they move on.
But for those of us who come from dysfunctional, abusive, or chaotic backgrounds, even if we gloss over the question initially, it boomerangs. It comes back.
Stickier, less clear, foggier.
It rebounds in our mind, in our heart, our psyche.
The question begs our attention: “Was my childhood traumatic?”
It’s not a comfortable question, is it?
And to answer it, should we choose to give the question our attention, we can consider a few things:
- What is the definition of trauma?
- What does the ACE’s study have to say about my background?
- What is my subjective reality?
Let’s unpack each of these considerations.
What is the definition of trauma?
In my decade of clinical work, the best definition I’ve found of trauma is this:
Trauma is the unique individual experience of an event or enduring conditions in which the individual’s ability to integrate his/her emotional experience is overwhelmed and the individual experiences (either objectively or subjectively) a threat to his/her life, bodily integrity, or that of a caregiver or family. (Saakvitne, K. et al, 2000).
There are two parts of this definition that I want to highlight.
First, “trauma is the unique individual experience.”
By this definition we see that psychological trauma is subjective and relative – meaning what makes something traumatic for one person may not be traumatic for another depending on what our ability to deal with it is (more on this later in the essay).
The key, though, across subjective experiences, is that it overwhelms the individual’s ability to cope with it.
That’s what makes something traumatic – the fact that it overwhelms our ability to cope.
And there’s another part of this definition that I want to draw attention to: “enduring conditions.”
Typically and historically, trauma has been thought of as an isolated and discrete event: a car crash, a bombing, a rape, military service.
And certainly, all of these are examples of what could be traumatic for someone.
But Karen Saakvitne, Ph.D., a distinguished trauma therapist and author, also nuances that trauma can be a set of enduring conditions.
