I love Kate Winslet. 

Ever since 1997 when I was fifteen years old and watching Titanic in a movie theatre for the very first time, I’ve adored her and watched nearly everything she’s been in.

But one of her movies stands out above all others for me because of how often it’s referenced in my therapy work: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

This movie is evoked when folks tell me they hope for something ala what Clementine wanted. To erase the past from their memory so that the past no longer troubles them.

It’s a kind of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind fantasy. That we can just forget our past and it won’t rule us anymore. 

It is, unfortunately, not possible, but still, that’s the secret hope and hidden fantasy of so many who arrive into my offices (and the offices of my team at my trauma-informed, boutique therapy center – Evergreen Counseling) when they start trauma therapy to recover from their adverse beginnings and painful early childhoods. 

But recovery is not forgetting. It’s not amnesic. 

Successful recovery from childhood trauma is possible, though. And so today’s essay will explore what successful recovery is, and is not. And paint a picture of the pathway to recovery if you yourself, like so many others, have an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind fantasy when it comes to your childhood.

What does successful recovery from childhood trauma look like?

“I will not stay, not ever again – in a room or conversation or relationship or institution that requires me to abandon myself.” ― Glennon Doyle, Untamed

First and foremost, it’s very important to understand and acknowledge that the terms “successful” and “recovery” are subjective terms. Meaning they will be unique and different for each individual.

There are many different ways of being brave. And your version of successful recovery may not look the same as mine (and vice versa). 

So, as with finding our own version of bravery, when we align our internal truths to the external circumstances in our lives, that is the way we find and define subjective successful recovery.