Definition: Relational Trauma
Relational trauma is a type of psychological injury that arises from harmful or neglectful interactions with important caregivers or close relationships, especially in early life. It is not the same as a one-time traumatic event like an accident or natural disaster; instead, it involves patterns of emotional wounding that shape how you relate to others and yourself over time. For high-achieving women, relational trauma often hides beneath outward success, quietly influencing your ability to trust, set boundaries, and feel truly safe in relationships—making it both a hidden challenge and a key to deeper healing.
Definition: Action-Oriented Coping
Action-oriented coping is the strategy of actively addressing stressors or challenges through practical steps and problem-solving, rather than avoiding or waiting passively. It does not mean trying to control everything or deny your feelings—it’s about taking responsibility for what you can influence while recognizing what’s beyond your control. For driven women, learning to balance action-oriented coping with acceptance is crucial; it keeps you grounded in reality without exhausting you in endless fixing or feeling stuck in helplessness.
The phrase invites me to take stock of what it is I have control over, and to take action there if needed and wanted, and then to sit back, and trust the process.
Quick Summary
- You might feel caught between a deep desire to surrender and an insistent need to stay in control, especially when navigating uncertainty or the fallout of unexpected events like an election.
- The ancient wisdom of ‘trust in God, but tie your camel’ offers you a way to hold both faith and practical action at once—encouraging you to do your part while also learning to let go.
- Healing looks like leaning into that both/and tension: taking grounded steps where you have influence, and then practicing trust without forcing outcomes you can’t control.
I hope you’re doing well today.
SUMMARY
The ancient wisdom ‘trust in God, but tie your camel’ speaks directly to the driven woman’s dual challenge: learning to hold genuine faith and surrender alongside real, practical action. This post explores how that balance plays out in modern life, and why both halves are necessary for sustainable wellbeing.
Now I know you heard from me just a few short days ago when I posted a little bonus blog article with suggestions about how to cope with Thanksgiving, post-election 2016.
The article (and topic!) seems to have struck a chord. Indeed, Forbes picked it up and shared some of my advice (along with input from other mental health experts) in a recent article of theirs.
So I certainly hope the bonus blog post felt helpful to you, too, and that you were able to have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday with all who gathered around your holiday table no matter how you guys voted.
Now I have to confess: the election results are still on my mind (as I imagine they may be on your mind, too), and in the the past few weeks I’ve caught myself saying this one slightly obscure but beloved phrase over and over again to myself and to others as we process our varying reactions and responses to President-elect Trump:
“Trust in God, but tie your camel.”
This saying, as relayed by the scholar Al-Tirmidhi, is an ancient Arab phrase attributed to the prophet Mohammed who, when one day he saw a Bedouin leaving his camel without tethering it, questioned him as to why he was doing this. The Bedouin replied that he was placing his trust in Allah and had no need to tie the camel. The prophet Mohammed then replied, “Tie your camel and place your trust in Allah.”
While I cannot remember where and when I first heard this phrase, I know loved it immediately and tucked it away in my heart as one of my most guiding life principles, calling upon it again and again like a sort of touchstone in my pocket.
“Trust in God, but tie your camel.”
Why do I love this phrase so much? Well, it’s not because I identity as religious. Nor do I own an actual camel. (Wouldn’t that be something to see in Berkeley, though?!)
No, I love this phrase because it’s one that I, as a heavily action-oriented person, can well and truly get behind: Do the legwork and then let go; Say a prayer but move your feet; Eyes on the stars but feet in the mud; Do your best and then leave the rest to God (or Spirit, Source, the Universe, Goddess, etc.).
“Trust in God, but tie your camel.”
I find this phrase to be quite empowering but also very calming.
The phrase invites me to take stock of what it is I have control over, and to take action there if needed and wanted, and then to sit back, and trust the process.
This phrase helps me navigate the tension I can sometimes experience between feeling helpless and also all-powerful over the events in my life. (Neither of which is true and both of which can make me feel very ungrounded.)
I love this phrase because it invites me to notice how I can balance both action and allowing, no matter what I’m facing.
“Trust in God, but tie your camel.”
I truly think this phrase could be helpful to you, too, no matter what you’re facing these days.
Balancing taking action and letting go in our lives is something we’re all often called on to do. Yet many of us respond in all action and no faith. Or we rely too heavily on faith when it might behoove us to take a bit more action in our lives.
So I want to invite you to consider how and where this phrase could be applied to your life right now to help you better navigate the tension of acting and allowing.
“Trust in God, but tie your camel.”
What proverbial camels of yours need to be tied? Or where in your life do you need to stop the metaphorical tying and double knotting the ropes and just let go?
- With processing the election results, do you need or want to get more actionable on anything this raised for you? Or is it time to step back a bit, and to let go and place your faith in the unfolding outcome in something bigger than yourself?
- When it comes to your love relationship (or the seeking and creating of this), is there any action you need and want to take that’s in your control that would help you feel more empowered and fulfilled? Or do you need to stop gripping a particular outcome so tightly and instead relax a bit more? Do you need to trust that all will happen when it’s supposed to?
- In your career planning and navigation, how well are you proverbially “tying your camel”? Or are you allowing things to happen to you more than taking action on them?
- With your friend and family relationships, is there any action you can take to feel closer and more connected? Or have you done all you can? Is your work instead to accept and allow the unfolding of whatever comes next?
- Does your health and well-being need more action taken? Or is your growth edge to stop controlling quite so much and to relax and unfold more?
“Trust in God, but tie your camel.”
I invite you to mentally scan the landscape of your life. Be curious about where and how this phrase may be particularly applicable for you right now.
And, of course, often there can be anxiety associated with both taking action and also in tolerating the unknown when we let go. So please be gentle with yourself no matter what and how things are unfolding in your life right now.
There is no right or wrong way to take action or practice faith in our lives. Both are constant practices, questions we’re meant to live, not prescriptions for this article or any other.
“Trust in God, but tie your camel.”
So, as we slide into the closing of the year when the days are darkest and yet the time seems to disappear, no matter what’s going on for you — election distress, family conflict, romantic confusion, health challenges, financial strain, career uncertainty — see if you can keep this phrase like a mental touchstone in your own pocket. Return to it as often as you need to to comfort, recalibrate, and clarify.
Here’s to healing relational trauma and creating thriving lives on solid foundations.
Warmly,
Annie
The Practice of Showing Up Anyway
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Frequently Asked Questions
What does ‘trust in God but tie your camel’ mean?
The phrase is attributed to the Prophet Muhammad and means: have faith and trust in a higher power, but also take the practical, responsible actions within your control. It’s a both/and philosophy — not passive waiting, not anxious control-seeking, but grounded faith combined with concrete effort.
How do driven, ambitious women struggle with the ‘tie your camel’ lesson?
Many driven women are strong on the action side and struggle with genuine surrender. The idea that you can do your absolute best and still not control outcomes is both liberating and terrifying — especially for those whose childhood taught them that vigilance and effort were the only reliable sources of safety.
How does attachment history affect our relationship to control?
When early caregiving was unpredictable or unsafe, hypervigilance and an over-reliance on personal control often develop as survival strategies. The nervous system learns: if I just work hard enough and anticipate everything, I’ll be safe. Releasing that grip requires both therapeutic work and genuine trust.
Can spiritual practice and psychology work together for wellbeing?
Yes. Research consistently shows that a sense of meaning, faith, and connection to something beyond oneself is a significant protective factor for mental health. Integrating spiritual trust with psychological insight creates a more complete foundation for resilience.
How do you know when to keep trying and when to let go?
Generally, if an action comes from genuine purpose and values (not fear or compulsion), continuing makes sense. If you’ve done what you genuinely can and continuing is about control rather than care, release is often the wiser path.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post is for psychoeducational and informational purposes only and does not constitute therapy, clinical advice, or a therapist-client relationship. For full details, please read our Medical Disclaimer. If you are in crisis, please call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line).
You deserve a life that feels as good as it looks. Let’s work on that together.
References
- Al-Tirmidhi (9th century CE (compiled)). Jami` at-Tirmidhi (Hadith Collection). Islamic Hadith Literature.
- Park, C. L. (2010). Making sense of the meaning literature: An integrative review of meaning making and its effects on adjustment to stressful life events. Psychological Bulletin.
- Schore, A. N. (2003). Affect Dysregulation and Disorders of the Self. Norton & Company.
- Koenig, H. G. (2012). Religion, spirituality, and health: The research and clinical implications. ISRN Psychiatry.
- Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. Basic Books.
What’s Really Driving You?
You can believe in the best outcomes, but if old wounds are steering your decisions, it’s time to get clear on what’s running your life—and build a life that feels as good as your resume looks. Take the free quiz now.
About the Author
Annie Wright, LMFT
Annie Wright, LMFT helps ambitious women finally feel as good as their resume looks.
As a licensed psychotherapist, trauma-informed executive coach, and relational trauma specialist with over 15,000 clinical hours, she guides ambitious women — including Silicon Valley leaders, physicians, and entrepreneurs — in repairing the psychological foundations beneath their impressive lives. Annie is the founder and former CEO of Evergreen Counseling, a multimillion-dollar trauma-informed therapy center she built, scaled, and successfully exited. A regular contributor to Psychology Today, her expert commentary has appeared in Forbes, Business Insider, Inc., NBC, and The Information. She is currently writing her first book with W.W. Norton.
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