Mother’s Day may feel complex in the most psychologically robust of households.

“Shoot! We forgot to make brunch reservations.”

“Oh my gosh, CVS is closed. Where do we get her flowers now?”

“Does she, like, want breakfast on a tray or something?”

But really, these are like Kindergarten-level complexities compared to the complexity those of us from childhood trauma backgrounds contend with regarding our own mothers and celebrating them, and also (sometimes) now being mothers ourselves.

That’s like black-belt level complexity on this national holiday. 

In this little essay, we’ll explore the origins of the holiday, the complexity of the day when we come from childhood trauma backgrounds, the complexity of the day when we ourselves are now mothers, and how to cope and manage with all this complexity.

The well-intended but triggering origins of Mother’s Day.

Because I love history, I wanted to start the essay off by sharing with you a little information on the genesis of this nationally-recognized holiday.

Mother’s Day originated in the early 20th century in the United States, primarily due to the efforts of Anna Jarvis, who intended to memorialize her mother and advocate for a day to honor all mothers. 

Although initially met with resistance (what does that tell you about how society values mothers?), it eventually gained popular approval and became an annual celebration. 

The holiday, when recognized, was meant to honor the mother-child relationship and reflect traditional American values. Especially during the Progressive era and World War I. It served to boost morale and express national loyalty, celebrating traditional roles within the family and society.

While Anna’s intent to celebrate was well intended, the DNA of this day is painful for me as a therapist. Both because the “traditional role” of mothering is shaped by the oppressive social force of Patriarchy and the result of this force is that it’s profoundly negatively impacted many mothers’ mental health, leading to their own inability to care well for their children, sometimes translating into childhood trauma experiences.

(Side note: between being a trauma therapist and lifelong feminist, you can imagine how fun I am at cocktail parties…)