Mother’s Day, instead, may feel really quite hard and complex.

Perhaps you dearly long to be a mother. And you’re currently struggling with infertility.

Perhaps you wanted to be a mother to physical children in this lifetime and it couldn’t or didn’t happen.

Perhaps you recently or long ago lost your physical child. And you are grieving your loss deeply.

Perhaps you never wanted to be a mother. And/or are now struggling with being one.

Perhaps your mother is dead or very ill.

Perhaps you never knew your mother and wish you had.

Or, and this is very common, perhaps you are estranged from your mother or have a toxic and painful relationship with her that makes celebrating this day complex in a way that no Hallmark card could ever capture.

Whatever the reason, if you’re one of the many of us who doesn’t enjoy this day, who almost dread its cyclical return in the arc of the calendar each year, if you’re someone who actually feels sadness, challenge, and pain around this day, I want you to know that you’re not alone.

Not at all.

Being triggered by Mother’s Day is an incredibly common experience.

To be a mother oneself and to be born of one (as we all are) is deeply, unbelievably complex and I don’t think we do a good enough job in this culture acknowledging the multidimensional and often painful aspects of this.

Anecdotally, I was talking to some girlfriends who are also therapists. We were all saying that we’ve noticed a pattern across the last few years in our therapy practices. There’s always an uptick of client calls in the week or two before Mother’s Day. Also before Father’s Day and before Thanksgiving and Christmas, too.

So let’s face it: holidays centered around families can be triggering and challenging for many of us.

That’s why on this Mother’s Day, I want to speak to you if you’re one of the many who are triggered by this day.

I want to reach across the internet and give you a virtual permission slip of sorts to not feel pressured to enjoy or celebrate this day despite what the echoing cacophony of messaging all around you may say, and instead offer up a list of ways to alternatively “celebrate” Mother’s Day and a list of some great resources to do some re-mothering healing work, to grieve, and just generally take care of yourself.

A list of ways to alternately “celebrate” and hold Mother’s Day if this day doesn’t feel easy for you:

“To be a strong woman, to be a fierce woman, to be a true woman, to be a leader, to be truly powerful, you have to get to place where you can tolerate people not liking you. And know that when you actually do that, you have to fall back on your own moral imperative in your own moral trunk and say, ‘I don’t care, this is what I believe. This is who I am.’” – Eve Ensler