Over the years, I’ve written multiple articles to address the complexity of this day to validate the experiences of those who don’t feel seen by Hallmark cards and dominant cultural introjects, and to comfort those who struggle when this calendrical day rolls around again.
And while I’ve talked, too, about the critical healing task of re-mothering yourself as an adult who comes from a relational trauma background, I’ve never quite articulated what that might look like in daily practice as an adult on an active healing journey.
Today, as I move through my third year as a mother myself, as I celebrate my own third Mother’s Day, I feel like I know – more concretely than ever – what re-mothering as an adult might look like because of my daily experiences now mothering my daughter.
And now I want to share my ideas and insights with you, to make more concrete the abstract that I’ve talked about over the years.
Not because my list is exhaustive or definitive, but because its attendant ideas might catalyze your own curiosity and creativity as you actively remother yourself.
So if you’ve ever asked the question, “How do I remother myself?” I hope you will find inspiration and encouragement for your own remothering journey.
The archetypal qualities of Mother.
In order to answer the question, “How do I remother myself?” we first have to understand what it means to mother.
While there is no one, universal definition of what a Mother is or what mothering means, myth, fable, legend and spiritual/religious texts over millennia have often ascribed certain qualities to the archetype of Mother.
Some of these common qualities and attributes include the following:
- Comfort
- Nurturance
- Empathy
- Solace
- Sustenance
- Support
- Grounding
- Safety
- Warmth
- Care
And so these qualities might make up the sum of the verb, to mother.
But, to be clear, these qualities are not relegated to mothers or to female-identified individuals alone.
I believe strongly that men, male-identified and non-binary individuals, fathers, and non-fathers can and do possess these archetypal mothering qualities and attributes, too.
Indeed, my husband – a cis-gendered male father – arguably possesses these archetypal qualities of “mothering” moreso than I – a cis-gendered female mother – do.
So please, as you read this essay, as you contemplate what it may mean to actively remother yourself, hold the concepts of archetype in mind, and leave sex, gender, and Patriachical roles at the door.
We’re all capable of possessing these archetypal mothering qualities.
The concept of the “good-enough” mother.
Also, in order to answer the question of “How do I remother myself?” I feel compelled to share with you the concept of the “good enough” parent.
The “good enough parent” is one of my favorite concepts in psychology.
