Actually, scratch that. Let me back up and tell you about ALL the times I’ve wanted to retreat to my car at family gatherings. Because if you’ve ever walked into a family dinner with news about your promotion/business milestone/career breakthrough only to watch everyone suddenly become fascinated with the mashed potatoes, this letter is absolutely for you.

I cannot even count the number of times I’ve felt completely dismissed for my ambition, my goals, and my desire to build something meaningful with my work. Not by strangers on the internet (though that happens too). Not by colleagues or competitors. By my actual family. The people who are supposed to be your biggest cheerleaders, right?

(Spoiler alert: They’re often not. And wow, does that sting.)

The Twelve-Year-Old Who Didn’t Get The Memo About “Staying In Her Lane”

Picture this: I’m twelve years old, living on this island off the coast of Maine—we’re talking 10,000 year-round residents, the kind of place where if you sneezed on one side of the island, someone would say “Gesundheit!” on the other side.

And there I was, this chubby, nerdy, very serious kid with inexpensive clothes that got made fun of in the elementary school classroom, coming from a ton of relational trauma and public shame—because at that point, my biological father (who I’m estranged from), his terrible choices and hurting of people was already known across the island. But I still was telling anyone who would listen that I had made up my mind: it was going to be the Ivy League or bust for me, and I declared that to anyone who asked.

The reactions? Well, they ranged the gamut, but by and large, they were not supportive.

Some people literally laughed out loud. Others did that condescending head-tilt thing with the fake-concerned voice: “Well that’s nice, honey, but what about your safety schools?” My guidance counselor suggested I be “more realistic.” People would exchange looks—you know the ones—signaling that what I had to say was unrealistic, but they weren’t going to say it out loud.

Here’s the context they were working with:

Neither of my parents had gone to college. I come from a long line of blue-collar workers, and that aforementioned family member who tried to be a professional but ended up destroying companies multiple times because of criminal activity. My public school was decent but definitely wasn’t churning out Ivy League students like some kind of academic factory…

The underlying message was clear: It’s a bit of a pipe dream. Be prepared for it not to happen.

Well, screw that.

I became valedictorian of my high school class. I got into Brown. And I walked through those gates as the first in my family to attend college, let alone an Ivy League institution. I took two degrees there. You’d think this would be cause for celebration in the family unit, right? Accomplishments! Cycle breaker! What Annie Wright sets out to do, she accomplishes! Overwhelmingly positive feedback!

But that certainly wasn’t the case…