TL;DR –In nearly a decade of practicing therapy, Annie Wright has never encountered someone without a negative inner voice—regardless of whether they come from trauma backgrounds or loving, stable homes. These inner critics range from obvious (criticizing your body in the mirror) to insidious and harder to detect, but they share a common impact: holding you back from taking risks, setting boundaries, or pursuing desires. The inner critic might stop you from messaging someone you're attracted to, convince you it's unsafe to change careers, or prevent you from speaking up at family gatherings.
The level of impact varies person to person, but everyone struggles with at least one negative inner voice that limits their life in some way. Recognizing this universality helps normalize the experience while acknowledging that for some—particularly those with developmental trauma—the critic's voice may be louder and more destructive. The worksheet provided helps identify when and how your inner critic shows up and assess its impact on your life. Understanding your specific inner critic patterns is the essential first step before learning to transform these voices, which will be addressed in Part 2 of this series.
In almost 10 years of practicing therapy, I’ve never met someone who doesn’t have a negative inner voice.
It doesn’t matter if you come from a background of developmental trauma (i.e.: early childhood abuse, neglect, or trauma).
You can come from the most loving, stable home in the world and still grow up and develop negative inner critics.
Sometimes these inner critic voices are easy to spot – it’s the voice in your head that chides you for your cottage cheese thighs when you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror coming out of the shower – but sometimes, these inner voices are much more insidious and harder to spot.
But again, we all have one, sometimes more, negative inner critics.
Curious if you come from a relational trauma background?
Take this 5-minute, 25-question quiz to find out — and learn what to do next if you do.
START THE QUIZThe level of impact this voice has on us will vary.
Maybe our inner critic stops us from reaching out to the person we’re super attracted to on Coffee Meets Bagel.
Or maybe our inner critic convinces us it’s not safe to change career paths.
Maybe our inner critic stops us from speaking out and setting a boundary with our stepmother at Thanksgiving.
However and whenever it shows up, the common theme is that our negative inner critic holds us back in some way.
So, given that all of us likely struggle with a negative inner voice and it’s impacting us at some level, I wanted to create a worksheet designed to help you get to know your inner critic, how and when it shows up for you, and the level of impact it has on your life.
Part 2 of this post will, in a few weeks, then walk you through how to begin transforming this negative inner critic voice once you’ve identified it.
And, if you’d like, leave me a message here below to let me know how this process was for you and what you learned from going through the exercises.
Befriending the Snake in Your Mind: Inner Critic Work in Therapy
When you arrive at therapy frustrated by the constant negative commentary in your head, your therapist helps you understand that this inner critic isn’t your enemy but a misguided protector. They guide you in recognizing how parts work: who’s sitting around your inner conference table includes these critical voices that developed to keep you safe from perceived threats.
Your therapist helps map your inner critic’s origins. Perhaps it sounds like your mother’s voice warning you not to get “too big for your britches,” or your father’s disappointment when you got a B instead of an A. Sometimes it’s an amalgamation of cultural messages about who you should be.
Together, you explore when this voice gets loudest. Before dates? During work presentations? When considering setting boundaries with family? Your therapist helps you see patterns—the critic often emerges when you’re about to take risks that could lead to rejection or failure.
The work involves distinguishing between different critics. The perfectionist who prevents you from starting projects. The body-shamer who keeps you from intimacy. The imposter who whispers you’ll be “found out.” Each serves a protective function, trying to keep you safe from experiences that once felt threatening.
Your therapist guides you in understanding that whether you come from obvious trauma or a “normal” childhood, inner critics are universal. They developed as survival strategies—if you criticize yourself first, maybe others won’t. If you stay small, maybe you won’t be attacked.
Through this exploration, you begin seeing your inner critic not as truth-teller but as an outdated security system, still running childhood software in your adult life. This recognition becomes the foundation for eventually transforming these voices from harsh critics into supportive inner advisors.
Here’s to healing relational trauma and creating thriving lives on solid foundations.
Warmly,
Annie
