If you’ve ever wondered why achievements don’t bring the satisfaction they should, the answer isn’t found in another productivity hack or leadership seminar. It lives in your earliest relationships and attachment styles.
Attachment theory, pioneered by John Bowlby, MD and Mary Ainsworth, PhD, reveals that our early bonds with caregivers create a blueprint for all adult relationships—including those at work. As Dr. Dan Siegel, clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA explains, these early imprints fundamentally shape how we handle feedback, navigate conflict, and delegate responsibility.
“The legacy of attachment,” notes Janina Fisher, PhD, clinical psychologist, “constrains the meaning we make of each moment and reflects nonconscious strategies of affect regulation and relational interaction.” Whether you find yourself compulsively overworking to prove your worth, swinging between intense engagement and withdrawal, or keeping everyone at arm’s length to maintain control, your attachment style plays a central role.
In this piece, we’ll explore three common patterns I’ve observed in my practice. The Anxious Achiever, The Fearful Caretaker, and The Avoidant Powerhouse. You’ll see how these styles manifest at work, how they may be holding you back, and most importantly—how you can heal them to create sustainable success.
Three Leaders, Three Patterns: How Attachment Shows Up in the C-Suite
In my practice, I’ve guided countless ambitious, high-performing women through unpacking the hidden drivers behind their leadership struggles. The three profiles below represent common patterns I’ve observed—brilliant, accomplished women who are quietly suffering beneath their success.
These aren’t just theoretical categories. They’re real, lived experiences of women navigating corporate boardrooms, operating rooms, nonprofit leadership, and tech startups. All while learning how to move from survival patterns into secure leadership.
The Anxious Achiever: When Excellence Isn’t Enough
Dr. Olivia Wong is a pediatric surgeon at a prestigious San Francisco hospital. She is known for her precision, tireless work ethic, and ability to juggle multiple high-stakes cases. She’s earned the trust of patients and respect of colleagues. Hospital leadership sees her as a rising star.
But behind closed doors, Olivia is exhausted.
She obsesses over feedback, replays conversations for hidden criticism, and ties her self-worth to patient outcomes. If a senior surgeon takes too long to respond to an email, she spirals: Did I say something wrong? Am I being sidelined? What if I’m not good enough?
At home, her husband feels like an afterthought. Olivia throws herself into work to avoid confronting emotional discomfort. She convinces herself that if she just achieves more, the anxiety will finally settle. But it never does.
