The fact that we cheated on our partner so we could feel alive again…
Not speaking up and pushing back when the cool girls made fun of our elastic-waisted jeans in grade school…
Compromising our boundaries and integrity just to be friends with those girls…
Using edibles each night just to find enough peace to sleep…
Having a bottle of wine after a long day of work and watching the clock for the minute it turns five because you’re craving it…
Weekends spent isolating at home, compulsively watching Netflix and scouring for more 10-season-plus shows to get lost in…
The heft and girth of our bodies, considered overweight by nonsensical BMI standards and the result of comfort eating through hard decades…
The mountainous credit card debt, accumulated from online shopping and a lack of financial sobriety…
This list could go on and on.
I’m sure you have your own self-destructive habits and behaviors you don’t feel great about.
The kind of habit or behavior, if you were in my therapy office, you might share with me but still feel embarrassed or even guilty about.
And there’s something I would tell you if you did choose to open up to me about this.
Something important which you really need to hear:
Remember, it’s always an attempt to help yourself.
To learn what this means and what else I would say to you (believe me, it’s important), keep reading.
Self-Destructive Habits Always Start As Attempts To Self-Support.
“What is addiction, really? It is a sign, a signal, a symptom of distress. It is a language that tells us about a plight that must be understood.” ― Alice Miller, Ph.D.
When we’re younger, and I don’t just mean child young, but teens, twenties, even in our thirties, and we’re in emotional pain (whether this is because of neglect, abuse, rejection, isolation, or being socially cut off), we cope as best we can.
For example, a child may turn to food and compulsive eating, binging, and purging because that’s one of the few sources of “nourishment” she can access, because she feels less when her stomach is full, and she feels numb and emotionally disconnected after she purges.
She is and was attempting to care for herself in whatever way she could with the probably limited set of options and resources she had at the time.
And maybe this worked.
In fact, it could have worked very well. Occupying her nights, letting her survive an emotionally painful and brittle homelife.
But then her coping mechanism stops working so well.
This same girl gets caught stealing food to binge and purge on. Her body starts accumulating the effects of her coping.
The enamel on her teeth wears off. The blood vessels in her eyes might burst because of the force of vomiting, the stomach acid may damage her vocal chords, ruining her dreams of landing the lead in her high school musical.
