101 Self-Care Suggestions for Overwhelm

101 Self-Care Suggestions When It All Feels Like Too Much.

Emotional Regulation & Nervous System • March 19, 2016

SUMMARY

There are times when life feels unbearably heavy, and you might find yourself overwhelmed by anxiety, grief, or the lingering impact of relational trauma that makes even simple tasks feel impossible. Self-care, especially in the context of trauma recovery, is not about indulgence but about intentionally meeting your physical, emotional, psychological, and relational needs while gently unlearning the belief that your needs are a burden.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

What are 101 self-care suggestions for when life feels like too much?
Frequently Asked Questions

101 Suggestions for Self-Care.
Some Final Thoughts on Self-Care.

I think that, for most of us, there are times in life when it all just feel like Too Much.

SUMMARY

Self-care in trauma recovery involves intentionally attending to your physical, emotional, psychological, and relational needs, often requiring unlearning self-burden beliefs.
Allow yourself to fully experience and release emotions, such as crying, as a healthy part of processing difficult feelings.
Reaching out to trusted friends, family, or a therapist can provide essential support during tough times.
Prioritizing rest by taking mental health days or saying no to additional obligations is vital for self-care.
Lowering personal expectations and practicing self-compassion helps manage stress when life feels overwhelming.

Summary

Definition: Nervous System Regulation

There may be some days, weeks, months, maybe even years where – for whatever reason – just getting through the day, or going to work, or putting one foot in front of the other feels hard. Really, really hard.

Maybe it’s because you’re wrestling with anxiety, depression, or some other mental illness. Maybe it’s because you’ve had your heart broken. Or maybe you’ve gone through a physical or emotional trauma. Maybe you’re deeply grieving. Or maybe there’s no easily understood reason for why you’re feeling bad.

Whatever the case, I want you to know that it’s okay if you’re going through a tough time. This doesn’t make you any less loveable, worthy, or capable. This just means you’re human.

Being a human can be a messy, hard, confusing, painful experience sometimes.

So if you or someone you love is going through one of these tough times right now, a time where it all just feels like too much, I want to offer up 101 suggestions for self-care to help you or your loved one get through this time.

Camille is a 37-year-old attorney who hasn’t missed a deadline in eleven years. On a Tuesday in October, she sits in her car in the parking garage for forty-five minutes after work, unable to make herself get out. There’s nothing catastrophically wrong — no single crisis she can point to. But her chest is tight, her eyes sting, and the thought of walking into her apartment and resuming the relentless hum of maintenance tasks feels genuinely impossible. She doesn’t call it burnout. She calls it “being behind.” But what she’s really experiencing is a nervous system that has been running on cortisol and willpower for so long it’s finally signaling, quietly but clearly, that it can’t sustain this pace.

“You may shoot me with your words, / You may cut me with your eyes, / You may kill me with your hatefulness, / But still, like air, I’ll rise.”

Maya Angelou, poet, memoirist, and civil rights activist

What are 101 self-care suggestions for when life feels like too much?

DEFINITION
SELF-CARE

Self-care is the intentional practice of attending to one’s own physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual needs as an essential foundation for well-being. True self-care goes far beyond surface-level indulgences; it includes setting boundaries, processing emotions, maintaining meaningful connections, and building a life that does not constantly require recovery from itself.

Self-Care

Self-care, in the context of relational trauma recovery, is not primarily about bubble baths and face masks — it is the intentional practice of attending to your own physical, emotional, psychological, and relational needs. For those with trauma backgrounds, genuine self-care often involves unlearning the belief that your needs are a burden, and slowly building the capacity to prioritize your own wellbeing without guilt.

Have a good, long, body-shaking cry.
Call a trusted friend or family member and talk it out.
Call in sick. Take comp time if you can. Take a mental health day.
Say NO to extra obligations, chores, or anything that pulls on your precious self-care time.
Book a session (or more!) with your therapist.
Dial down your expectations of yourself at this time. When you’re going through life’s tough times, I invite you to soften your expectations of yourself and others.
Tuck yourself into bed early with a good book and clean sheets.
Watch a comforting/silly/funny/lighthearted TV show or movie. (Parks and Recreation, anyone?)
Reread your favorite picture and chapter books from childhood.
Ask for some love and tenderness from your friends on social media. Let them comment on your post and remind you that you’re loved.
Look at some some really gorgeous pieces of art.
Watch Youtube videos of Ellen DeGeneres and the adorable kids she has on her show.
Look at faith-in-humanity-restoring lists from Buzzfeed.
ASK FOR HELP. From whoever you need it – your boss, your doctor, your partner, your therapist, your mom. Let people know you need some help.
Wrap yourself up in a cozy fleece blanket and sip a cup of hot tea.
BREATHE. Deeply. Slowly. Four counts in. Six counts out.
HYDRATE. Have you had enough water today?
EAT. Have you eaten something healthy and nourishing today?
SLEEP. Have you slept 7-9 hours? Is it time for some rest?
SHOWER. Then dry your hair and put on clothes that make you feel good.
Go outside and be in the sunshine.
Move your body gently in ways that feel good. Maybe aim for 30 minutes. Or 10 if 30 feels like too much.
Read a story (or stories) of people who overcame adversity or maybe dealt with mental illness, too. (I personally admire JK Rowling’s story.)
Go to a 12-Step meeting. Or any group meeting where support is offered. Check out church listings, hospital listings, school listings for examples.
If you suspect something may be physiologically off with you, go see your doctor and/or psychiatrist and talk to them. Medication might help you at this time and they can assist you in assessing this.
Take a long, hot bath, light a candle, and pamper yourself.
Read these inspirational quotes.
Cuddle someone or something. Your partner. A pillow. Your friend’s dog.
Read past emails/postcards/letters etc from friends and family reminding you of happier times.
Knit. Sculpt. Bake. Engage your hands.
Exhaust yourself physically – running, yoga, swimming, whatever helps you feel fatigued.
Write it out. Freeform in a journal or a Google doc. Get it all out and VENT.
Create a plan if you’re feeling overwhelmed. List out what you need to do next to tackle and address whatever you’re facing. Chunk it down into manageable and understandable pieces.
REMEMBER: You only have to get through the next five minutes. Then the next five. And so on.
Take five minutes to meditate.
Write out a list of 25 Reasons Why You’ll Be Okay.
Write out a list of 25 Examples of Things You’ve Overcome or Accomplished.
Write out a list of 25 Reasons Why You’re a Good, Loveable Person.
Write out a list of 25 Things That Makes Your Life Beautiful.
Sniff some scents that bring you joy or remind you of happier times.
Ask for support from friends and family via text if voice-to-voice contact feels like too much. Ask them to check in with you via text daily/weekly. Whatever you need.
Lay down on the ground. Let the earth/floor hold you. You don’t have to hold it all on your own.
Clean up a corner of a room of your house. Sometimes tidying up can help calm our minds.
Ask yourself: What’s my next most immediate priority? Do that. Then ask the question again.
Read some poetry. Rumi, Hafiz, Mary Oliver are all excellent.
Take a tech break. Delete or deactivate social media if it feels too triggering right now.
Or maybe get on tech. If you’ve been isolating maybe even interacting with friends and family online might feel good.
Go out in public and be around others. You don’t have to engage. But maybe go sit in a coffee shop or on a bench at a museum and soak up the humanity around you.
Or if you’re feeling too saturated with contact, go home. Cancel plans and tend to the introverted parts of yourself.
Ask friends and family to remind you that things will be okay and that what you’re feeling is temporary.
Put up some Christmas lights in your bedroom. They often make things more magical.
Spend a little money and treat yourself to some self-care and comfort. Maybe take a taxi versus the bus. Buy your lunch instead of forcing yourself to pack it. Buy some flowers that delight you.
MAKE ART. Scribble with crayons. Splash some watercolors. Paint a rock. Whatever. Just create something.
Go wander around outside in your neighborhood and take a look at all the lovely houses and the way people decorate their gardens. Delight in the diversity of design.
Go visit or volunteer at your local SPCA. Pet some animals.
Look at photos of people you love. Set them as the wallpaper of your phone or laptop.
Create and listen to a playlist of songs that remind you of happier times.
Read some spiritual literature.
Scream, pound pillows, tear up paper, shake your body to move the energy out.
Eat your favorite, most comforting foods.
Watch old Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood videos online.
Turn off the lights, sit down, stare into space, and do absolutely nothing.
Pick one or two things that feel like progress and do them. Make your bed. Put away the dishes. Return an email.
Go to a church or spiritual community service. Sit among others and absorb any guidance or grace that feels good to you.
Allow yourself to fantasize about what you’re hoping or longing for. There are clues and energy in your reveries and daydreams that are worth paying attention to.
Watch ASMR videos to help you calm down and fall asleep at night.
Listen to monks chanting, singing Tibetan bowls, or nature sounds to help soothe you.
Color in some adult coloring books.
Revisit an old hobby. Even if it feels a little forced, try your hand at things you used to enjoy and see what comes up for you.
Go to the ocean. Soak up the negative ions.
Go to the mountains. Absorb the strength and security of them.
Go to the forest. Drink in the shelter, life, and sacredness of the trees.
Put down the personal help books and pick up some good old fashioned fiction.
Remember: Your only job right now is to put one foot in front of the other.
Allow and feel and express your feelings – all of them! – safely and appropriately.
Listen to sad songs or watch sad movies if you need a good cry. (Steel Magnolias, anyone?)
Dance around wildly to your favorite, most cheesy songs from your high school years.
Put your hands in dirt. If you have a garden, go garden. If you have some indoor plants, tend to them. If you don’t have plants or a garden, go outside. Go to a local nursery and touch and smell all the gorgeous plants.
If you want to stay in bed all day watching Netflix, do it. Indulge.
Watch or listen to some comedy shows or goofy podcasts.
Look for and Google up examples of people who have gone through and made it through what you’re currently facing. Seek out models of inspiration.
Get expert help with whatever you need. Whether that’s through therapy, psychiatry, a lawyer, clergy, let those trained to support you do it.
Educate yourself about what you’re going through. Learn about what you’re facing, what you can expect to feel, and how you can support yourself in this place.
Establish a routine and stick to it. Routines can bring so much comfort and grounding in times of life that feel chaotic or out of control.
Do some hardcore nesting and make your home or bedroom as cozy and beautiful and comforting as possible.
Get up early and watch a sunrise.
Go outside and set up a chair and watch the sunset.
Make your own list of self-soothing activities that engage all five of your senses.
Develop a supportive morning ritual for yourself.
Develop a relaxing evening ritual for yourself.
Join a support group for people who are going through what you’re going through. Check out the listings at local hospitals, libraries, churches, and universities to see what’s out there.
Volunteer at a local shelter or hospital or nursing home. Practice being of service to others who may also be going through a tough time.
Accompany a friend or family member to something. Even if it’s just keeping them company while they run errands, sometimes this kind of contact can feel like good self-care.
Take your dog for a walk. Or borrow a friend’s dog and take them for a walk.
Challenge your negative thinking. For more tips on this checkout tool #2 in my recent blog post.
Practice grounding, relaxation techniques.
Do something spontaneous. Walk or drive a different way to work. Order something new off the menu.
Work with your doctor, naturopath, or nutritionist to develop a physical exercise plan and food plan that will be supportive to whatever you’re facing right now.
Pray. Meditate. Write a letter to God/The Universe/Source/Your Higher Self, whatever you believe in.
As much as you can, please try and trust the process.
Finally, please remember, what you’re going through right now is temporary. It may not feel like that from inside the tough time you’re in, but this too shall pass and you will feel different again someday. If you can’t have faith in that, let me hold the hope for you.

What are some final thoughts on building a meaningful self-care practice?

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I hope you found this list of self-care suggestions helpful in some way. But please remember, by no means is this list exhaustive nor will every item on this list possibly feel good and right for you.

Really, this list is really just a starting point meant to catalyze your own thinking about how you can best take care of yourself during life’s tough times and to spark your curiosity and interest in strengthening your self-care now and ongoing. Also, my hope is that in reading this you’re also hearing me say how normal and natural it is to struggle and to have these tough, hard times. It’s part of being human. You’re not alone in this.

But finally I have to say: The suggestions in this list are in no way a substitute for care or advice from a licensed mental health care clinician. These are self-care coaching suggestions, not therapeutic advice. Moreover, if you feel suicidal or find yourself having suicidal ideations, please call the 24/7 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1 (800) 273-8255.

Here’s to healing relational trauma and creating thriving lives on solid foundations.

Warmly,

Annie

Maya texts her therapist at 6 a.m. on a Sunday: “I haven’t been able to eat a real meal in four days. I keep starting things and stopping. I think I need help.” She nearly deletes it three times before hitting send. That text — eight seconds of discomfort and the willingness to be seen struggling — is one of the most meaningful acts of self-care Maya will practice all year. Not because it solves anything immediately, but because it breaks her pattern of white-knuckling through pain in private. Someone who knows her now knows she’s struggling. She doesn’t have to hold it alone. That’s the work.

Both/And: Holding the Complexity of Your Experience

In my work with clients, I find that the most important breakthroughs happen not when someone chooses one truth over another, but when they learn to hold two seemingly contradictory truths at the same time.

What I see consistently in my work with driven and ambitious women is that the hardest part of self-care isn’t finding the right technique — it’s tolerating the discomfort of pausing long enough to actually need something. When your identity has been built around functioning, producing, and not being a burden, the act of sitting with your own need can feel more threatening than the overwhelming feeling itself. But learning to tolerate that pause, to let your need exist without immediately problem-solving it away, is precisely the skill that makes every item on this list actually accessible.

You can be grateful for what you have and grieve what you didn’t get. You can love someone and acknowledge the harm they caused. You can be strong and still need help. These aren’t contradictions — they’re the texture of a fully lived life.

The driven, ambitious women I work with often struggle with this because they’ve been trained to solve problems, not sit with paradox. But healing isn’t a problem to solve. It’s a process to inhabit. And the both/and is always where the deepest growth lives.

The Systemic Lens: Seeing Beyond the Individual

When we locate suffering exclusively in the individual — “What’s wrong with me?” — we miss the larger forces at work. Culture, family systems, economic structures, and intergenerational patterns all shape the terrain on which your personal struggle plays out.

This matters because the driven women I work with almost universally blame themselves for pain that was never theirs alone to carry. The anxiety, the perfectionism, the chronic self-doubt — these aren’t character flaws. They’re adaptive responses to systems that asked too much of you while offering too little safety, attunement, and genuine support.

Healing begins when you stop asking “What’s wrong with me?” and start asking “What happened to me — and what systems made it possible?”

DEFINITION

NERVOUS SYSTEM REGULATION

Nervous system regulation refers to the capacity to modulate one’s physiological arousal states — moving fluidly between activation and calm in response to circumstances, and returning to a baseline of relative equilibrium after stress. Deb Dana, LCSW, therapist and author of The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy, describes regulation as the foundation from which all other healing becomes possible: “We can’t think our way to connection; we need to feel safe enough in our nervous system first.”

In plain terms: When your nervous system is regulated, you can actually receive care — from yourself and from others. Many of the 101 suggestions in this post work precisely because they offer your nervous system a cue of safety. That’s not a small thing. That’s the whole thing.

If what you’ve read here resonates, I want you to know that individual therapy and executive coaching are available for driven women ready to do this work. You can also explore my self-paced recovery courses or schedule a complimentary consultation to find the right fit.

What does self-care actually mean when you’re in the middle of overwhelm, grief, or trauma recovery?

When you’re in the thick of overwhelm — when anxiety is high, grief is present, or the weight of relational trauma is bearing down — self-care is not a bubble bath and a scented candle. In those moments, self-care is any intentional act of meeting your physical, emotional, or psychological needs with as much kindness and consistency as you can manage. That might be drinking a glass of water when you’ve forgotten to eat or drink for hours. It might be texting a safe friend rather than white-knuckling through a hard moment alone. It might be lying on the floor and breathing consciously when your nervous system is in full activation. Real self-care in hard seasons is often mundane, sometimes uncomfortable, and always fundamentally about sending yourself the message: your needs matter. You matter. That message, repeated consistently through small actions, begins to create a new internal narrative — one that counters the long-held belief, so common in women with difficult early histories, that you are the last person whose needs deserve attention. You are not. Your needs are as real and as urgent as anyone else’s.

Why do so many driven, accomplished women struggle to actually practice self-care?

This is one of the central paradoxes of many driven and ambitious women’s lives: you can manage enormous complexity at work, show up reliably for others, and maintain incredible standards in almost every domain — and yet genuinely caring for yourself can feel somehow impossible, indulgent, or even selfish. This isn’t a scheduling problem or a willpower failure. For many driven women, particularly those with histories of relational trauma or early parentification, the belief that your value comes from your output and your ability to take care of others is deeply woven into your sense of self. Resting feels threatening. Receiving feels uncomfortable. Doing something purely for your own replenishment can trigger guilt or anxiety. If this resonates, the self-care challenge isn’t tactical — it’s relational and psychological. It’s rooted in an old story that says you have to earn rest, that your needs are a burden, that caring for yourself is somehow taking something away from others. Dismantling that story, with support, is among the most important work you can do for your long-term wellbeing.

How do I find self-care practices that actually work for me, rather than what social media says I should do?

The self-care industry has done a remarkable job of making it seem like restorative practices should look a certain way — and that picture usually involves expensive products, perfectly curated aesthetics, and an amount of leisure time that most people simply don’t have. The truth is that genuinely restorative self-care is deeply personal and often unglamorous. What regulates your nervous system may be completely different from what works for someone else. Some women find that vigorous physical movement is their most reliable reset; others find that stillness and quiet are what they need. Some people are most restored by time with loved ones; deeply introverted people may find that solitude is the most essential form of replenishment. The way to identify what actually works for you is to pay attention to your own physiology and emotional state — before and after various activities — and notice what genuinely produces restoration rather than just distraction. Build from there, starting with the lowest-barrier practices you can actually sustain in the life you’re living right now, not the life you’ll have “someday.”

Is it possible to use self-care as a way of avoiding real healing?

Yes — and this is a nuance worth holding honestly. Self-care can absolutely be used as a sophisticated form of avoidance: staying busy with surface-level soothing practices as a way of not sitting with the more painful, uncomfortable feelings and patterns that genuinely need attention. The yoga class, the journaling habit, the elaborate skincare routine — none of these are harmful in themselves, and many are genuinely beneficial. But if they’re being used primarily to stay comfortably numb, to avoid the grief that needs to be felt, or to maintain a sense of “doing okay” while real wounds go unattended, they stop being healing and start being a more acceptable form of avoidance. Genuine self-care includes the kind that doesn’t feel particularly pleasant in the moment — sitting with hard feelings, seeking out difficult conversations that need to happen, asking for help, attending therapy consistently, doing the inner work that produces actual change. If your self-care practices feel exclusively comfortable and your life or relational patterns aren’t shifting, it may be worth asking whether the deeper work is getting done.

How do I maintain self-care practices when everything feels like too much and I have no energy?

This is exactly when self-care matters most and is also exactly when it’s hardest — and that tension is real and worth acknowledging. When you’re depleted, the aspirational self-care list feels laughably out of reach. The key in those moments is radical simplification: you are not trying to optimize, you are trying to survive with dignity and maintain the most basic threads of self-connection. Ask yourself: what is the smallest, most accessible thing I can do right now that would be an act of care toward myself? Sometimes that is as minimal as drinking water, stepping outside for two minutes of fresh air, texting someone you trust to say “I’m struggling today,” or putting a hand on your own heart and taking three slow breaths. These micro-practices are not nothing — they are actually a profound act of self-loyalty in a hard moment. They say: even here, even now, I choose to not abandon myself entirely. Build from those tiny anchors, and be fiercely gentle with your expectations of yourself during the seasons when everything truly is too much.

How is self-care connected to healing from relational trauma specifically?

For women healing from relational trauma — the kind that happened in the context of early caregiving relationships — consistent self-care is not optional background maintenance. It is core therapeutic work. Here’s why: relational trauma often instills the deep, embodied belief that your needs are shameful, burdensome, or not worthy of being met. Every time you meet your own needs with intentionality and kindness — whether that’s setting a limit, resting without guilt, seeking comfort when you’re struggling, or simply eating a nourishing meal — you are countering that old belief with new evidence. You are reparenting yourself in real time. You are providing yourself with the consistent, caring attunement your nervous system needed early in life and didn’t reliably receive. Over time, these repeated acts of self-care begin to shift not just your habits but your internal working model — your deeply held sense of whether you are someone whose needs matter. The answer, practiced consistently enough, begins to become yes. And that shift changes everything.

RESOURCES & REFERENCES

What I want you to hear, underneath all 101 of these suggestions, is this: self-care isn’t a luxury reserved for people who’ve earned it. It’s not a reward for productivity. It’s the baseline requirement for a nervous system that’s been running on fumes — and most driven, ambitious women I work with have been running on fumes for so long they’ve forgotten what a full tank feels like.

You don’t have to do all 101 of these. You don’t have to do any of them perfectly. Pick one. The one that made your chest soften when you read it. The one that felt like a small exhale. Start there. That’s enough.

>
Herman, J. L. (
). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence—from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. Basic Books.Courtois, C. A., & Ford, J. D. (
). Treatment of Complex Trauma: A Sequenced, Relationship-Based Approach. Guilford Press.Porges, S. W. (
). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. Norton & Company.McEwen, B. S. (
). Physiology and Neurobiology of Stress and Adaptation: Central Role of the Brain. Physiological Reviews.Linehan, M. M. (
). Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder. Guilford Press.Bowlby, J. (
). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. Basic Books.National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (n.d.). National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. U.S. Department of Health & Human Services.Hirshkowitz, M., Whiton, K., Albert, S. M., Alessi, C., Bruni, O., DonCarlos, L., … & Adams Hillard, P. J. (
). National Sleep Foundation’s sleep time duration recommendations: methodology and results summary. Sleep Health.

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Mar 19, 2016

Emotional Regulation & Nervous System, Mental Health & Wellness, Personal Growth & Self-Discovery

101 Self-Care Suggestions When It All Feels Like Too Much.

SUMMARY

What are 101 self-care suggestions for when life feels like too much?

Free Guide

A Reason to Keep Going -- For Anyone Who Needs One Right Now

Both/And: Holding the Complexity of Your Experience

The Systemic Lens: Seeing Beyond the Individual

Further Reading on Relational Trauma

Annie Wright, LMFT

Medical Disclaimer

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