If you're reeling from the results of this week's election, please read this.
“For the human soul is virtually indestructible, and its ability to rise from the ashes remains as long as the body draws breath.” – Alice Miller, PhD SUMMARY When election outcomes bring genuine fear, grief, or disorientation, your nervous system is responding to real threat — not being dramatic.
- As a psychotherapist, my life’s work is dedicated to undoing and healing the damage of explicit and implicit abuse.
- But now that triggering has amplified manifold after the elections.
- If you are feeling afraid and frightened, let us remember this: we don’t have a crystal ball.
- Emotional shock and grief consumes physical energy. Be gentle with yourself.
- When we know better, we do better.
- Wrapping up.
- Self-care supports:
- A small sampling of social justice resources:
- What’s Running Your Life?
- Frequently Asked Questions
- References
“For the human soul is virtually indestructible, and its ability to rise from the ashes remains as long as the body draws breath.”
– Alice Miller, PhDSUMMARY
When election outcomes bring genuine fear, grief, or disorientation, your nervous system is responding to real threat — not being dramatic. This post validates those responses and offers concrete, grounded ways to care for yourself and move forward without toxic positivity or paralysis.
Definition
Political Trauma Response: Nervous system activation triggered by events that feel threatening to one’s safety, values, or sense of stability — including election outcomes that signal potential harm to oneself or vulnerable communities. Particularly intense for those with prior relational or collective trauma histories.
Hey my friend.
So I had a totally separate blog post pre-written and scheduled to post this morning.
And then the election happened. And everything shifted. What I wanted to share with you several weeks ago suddenly doesn’t feel as pressing or urgent.
Instead, the only thing that feels present for me, as I imagine it may for you, is the result of this week’s Presidential election.
I feel shocked. Saddened. Angered. Scared. And also a little helpless. (can you relate?)
I cannot and will not be neutral about President-elect Trump. Some may say it’s not my place as a therapist to be political. But frankly I could not disagree more.
As a psychotherapist, my life’s work is dedicated to undoing and healing the damage of explicit and implicit abuse.
Grief is the multifaceted response to loss, encompassing emotional, physical, cognitive, and spiritual dimensions that unfold over time. In the context of relational trauma, grief often involves mourning not only what was lost but what was never received: the childhood, the parent, the safety, or the version of oneself that might have been.
Neglect, rejection, shaming, blaming, and ostracizing. Many of us experienced this in our families and communities of origin and in our culture collectively.
My life’s work is to help bring relief to those suffering from anxiety, depression, confusion, despair, and grief.
My life’s work is to support people. All people regardless of their race, sex, gender identity, religious affiliation, or abilities — to become more fully who they are and to live their lives in congruence with their authentic selves.
My life’s work is to help create a world where people feel safe to be themselves and to help heal and shift damaging and abusive cultural introjects and systems that lead to individual and collective suffering.
President-elect Trump and his track record of actions so far embodies everything that I work so hard to help people heal and overcome from: The painful collateral damage of narcissism, grandiosity, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, bigotry, xenophobia, misogyny, divisiveness, bullying, body-shaming, oppression, lies, and on and on the list goes.
Over the last year, what I’ve observed is that his campaign has been particularly triggering for vulnerable minority groups, specifically those denounced for their race, those who are sexual assault and sexual harassment survivors, those who are survivors of sociopathic and narcissistic parents, and frankly anyone who has ever felt and been told that they are “other” and who has felt unsafe for being “other.”
But now that triggering has amplified manifold after the elections.
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”RUMI
For so many more of the people in my personal and professional life.
So many of us are grieving intensely this week, waking up each morning wondering if it was all a dream, if maybe there was some error. So many of us are still in shock and walking around in a surreal daze.
One person this week described it to me as a feeling akin to “a sucker punch to the gut that comes with an unexpected breakup.” Yet another described it as “some bizarre glitch in the Matrix that landed us in an alternate parallel reality.”
If you have felt this way this week, you likely already know that you’re not alone.
And if you’re still in shock and grieving, please know that you get to take ALL THE TIME you need to absorb the enormity of what just happened. You simply cannot rush your own personal process around this to race towards acceptance. (I fully admit I’m not there yet and I have no idea when I will be.)
If you are feeling afraid and frightened, let us remember this: we don’t have a crystal ball.
We don’t know what the coming months will hold for us. It’s normal and natural, I think, for our minds to go to catastrophic thinking, but as hard as it may be, let’s try to reign our fearful thoughts in and come back to present: Feel the ground under your feet, feel the air in your lungs, look around you and notice that you’re safe in the present no matter what imaginary future your thoughts may be concocting.
If you’re having a hard time this week, please take care of yourself in any way that feels good.
Maybe it looks like avoiding social media and watching the news; maybe it looks like eating chocolate cake for breakfast; maybe it looks like gathering in community with your friends and coworkers to express your heartbreak; maybe it looks like going to bed at 8pm. Whatever you need, please take care of you.
Emotional shock and grief consumes physical energy. Be gentle with yourself.
Sometimes my bi-weekly articles to you have answers in them. Tips and tricks and ideas about how to tackle the painful, confusing and challenging stuff of life.
Today, the best I can do is to share with you a roundup of articles — some from me written previously on this blog and also some new ones published recently on other media outlets this week — to help you process the results of this election and to support you in taking good care of yourself.
I’m also providing you with a list of resources that you may want to consider exploring if you feel inclined and called to further explore how you can be an ally in the face of narcissism, sexism, racism, bigotry, homophobia, xenophobia, misogyny, divisiveness, bullying, oppression, etc..
I firmly believe that abusiveness thrives and breeds both because of those who explicitly act abusively and because of those who are silently complicit with the abuse. Therefore, one of the greatest strengths we have in the face of abusiveness is the dual-edged weapon of education and vocal criticality.
When we know better, we do better.
And when we know what’s healthy and functional versus unhealthy and dysfunctional, we can better call it out and add our voices to the chorus saying, “No, it is NOT okay that you said and did that. I demand something better.”
Indeed, what I’ve taken heart in this week (and in all the months leading up to this week) is how many of us have seen Trump clearly for who and what he is and denounced him, his words and his actions resoundingly. We have stood up to abuse, to dysfunction, and we have done so together. We are not alone in calling him out.
And this — continued vigilant observation and vocal expression of disagreement — will, I predict, remain incredibly important for us as engaged citizens and whole-hearted humans to continue doing.
So please, if you feel inclined and called to it, review the list of resources I’ve compiled below both for your own personal support and to strengthen your awareness of key social justice issues threatened by President-elect Trump’s election. I also urge and encourage you to share this article and its links with your friends and family and community members who may be interested in this perspective, too.
My friend, please know that you’re not alone in your hard feelings of grief and shock and fear this week. I’m right there with you.
Really, we are in this together and we will keep putting one foot in front of another until we live in a world that feels safe, accepting, and healthy.
Wrapping up.
We can intellectually accept President-elect Trump’s win, but we do not have to emotionally accept nor condone his destructive way of being in the world. Nor do we have to accept or condone the destructive behavior of anyone else that may feel legitimized by his ascent to Presidency. Abuse is any form — whether on the playground blacktop or in the Oval Office — is not okay.
And I want to personally commit to you that I will do my part as a psychotherapist, writer, and social justice advocate to continue working for you and everyone else who wants to live in a world that feels safe, healthy, and functional. Will you join me?
PS: Leave me a message in the comments below to let me know how you’re doing in the wake of this week’s election, what words of support and comfort you might share with someone having a tough time this week, and/or what resources you would add to the social justice list to encourage continued education and conversation in our community. I look forward to hearing from you.
Here’s to healing relational trauma and creating thriving lives on solid foundations.
Warmly,
Annie
Self-care supports:
- “What a therapist wants you to know about repairing America after this election.” An article I wrote for Upworthy comparing the election to a dysfunctional family system.
- “7 small things you can do right now to feel better after the 2016 election results.” Another article I wrote for Upworthy this week.
- A (self) Care Package: a virtual, multimedia, therapeutic collection of my very best resources designed to nourish your soul, support your mental health, spark some hope, and enhance your overall well-being.
- “Uplifting quotes to spark your soul.” A video made by The Mighty of my prior blog full-length blogpost — 99 Uplifting Quotes.
- A short little video of the ocean waves from my one-time home, Big Sur.
- Leslie Knope’s response to Trump’s win. (because you all know I’m a huge Parks and Recreation nerd.)
A small sampling of social justice resources:
- On exploring white privilege: “White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack” by Peggy McIntosh
- On exploring gendered stereotypes and institutionalized systemic sexism: “The Mask You Live In” and “Miss Representation.” (both are available for streaming on Netflix, you guys!)
- On bullying and homophobic harassment: A one-pager from the non-profit True Child.
- On body shaming and body positivity: The Body is Not an Apology. Sexual Objectification, a piece by Laci Green.
- On exploring abusive, narcissistic, destructive relational patterns: “The Sociopath Next Door” by Martha Stout, PhD.* Any book by Alice Miller, PhD but I especially love “Drama of the Gifted Child”* to help understand how destructive shaming and blaming over the less powerful can create profound damage.
- On exploring transphobia: Tackling Transphobia and Hate Crimes.
- On exploring xenophobia: Fighting the Good Fight (Personal Solutions to Everyday Xenophobia). 14 Ways You Can Fight Islamophobia.
- On exploring ableism: ” StopAbilism.org. “6 Forms of Ableism We Need to Retire Immediately.
- Organizations to consider connecting with and supporting: Planned Parenthood, The American Civil Liberties Union, The International Rescue Committee
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Frequently Asked Questions
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post is for psychoeducational and informational purposes only and does not constitute therapy, clinical advice, or a therapist-client relationship. For full details, please read our Medical Disclaimer. If you are in crisis, please call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line).
You deserve a life that feels as good as it looks. Let’s work on that together.
References
- Miller, A. (1981). The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self. Basic Books.
- Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence—from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. Basic Books.
- van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking.
- Bonanno, G. A. (2009). The Other Side of Sadness: What the New Science of Bereavement Tells Us About Life After Loss. Basic Books.
- Twenge, J. M., & Campbell, W. K. (2009). The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement. Free Press.
- McIntosh, P. (1988). White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack. Peace and Freedom Magazine.
- Stout, M. (2005). The Sociopath Next Door. Broadway Books.
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Annie Wright
LMFT · Relational Trauma Specialist · W.W. Norton AuthorHelping ambitious women finally feel as good as their résumé looks.
As a licensed psychotherapist, trauma-informed executive coach, and relational trauma specialist with over 15,000 clinical hours, she guides ambitious women — including Silicon Valley leaders, physicians, and entrepreneurs — in repairing the psychological foundations beneath their impressive lives. Annie is the founder and former CEO of Evergreen Counseling, a multimillion-dollar trauma-informed therapy center she built, scaled, and successfully exited. A regular contributor to Psychology Today, her expert commentary has appeared in Forbes, Business Insider, Inc., NBC, and The Information. She is currently writing her first book with W.W. Norton.
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