“It’s ancient history. Shouldn’t I be over this by now? Why am I so sad? Why do I still have grief over this?”
That little essay went on to become one of the most trafficked and commented-upon pieces on my website.
It struck a chord. It resonated.
That essay did what I hoped it would: it gave people permission to feel all their feelings and grief no matter how much time had passed, and no matter how concrete or abstract the loss was that they had and were experiencing.
So why am I bringing this up?
Because there was a moment a few weeks ago when I was having a really bad day.
A day when something I thought I was “done” grieving got re-activated again in a potent and painful way.
So I went to my laptop and I literally Googled my own article so I could re-read it.
(Believe me: I’m not trying to be narcissistic here but I know that when I sit down to write, something wiser and clearer comes through me, and when I’m *not* in that place (which can be often) I’m served by those wiser self words I wrote once upon a time as much as the next person with a relational trauma history.)
Yes, sweetheart, after all this time, you STILL get to grieve this.
So I re-read my article.
And while my writing style has changed over the years (and lord knows my formatting has evolved!), the content remained solid and just what I needed at that moment when I was berating myself for “still not being over” something that happened so long ago.
It helped my self-talk shift from, “Ugh, again?! Why does this grief still have such a grip on me?”
to “Yes, sweetheart, after all this time, you STILL get to grieve this.”
I figured, if revisiting my own article from 2016 could serve me today in 2022, it might be worthwhile to share it again with you.
So whether you’ve been on my newsletter from the earliest days (Spring 2015) or if you’ve only recently signed up in the last few weeks or months, I truly hope that seeing this archived piece of mine feels helpful, soothing, and increases your compassion for yourself and your experience.
Please enjoy my original article about grief from 2016 here. And, if you feel so inclined when you’re done reading it, leave a message in the comments below to let me know if it resonated with you, and if it soothed and supported you.
