And yet also, now, in the midst of COVID-19, I’m particularly and acutely aware that the folks I do my work with – you who come from trauma backgrounds or even you who are partnered to those who come from trauma backgrounds – may be having an especially challenging time given that COVID-19 may be triggering your trauma histories (or that of your loved one).
This is a unique experience in an extraordinary time.
Not only to live through COVID-19. And to tolerate the anxiety, isolation, and unknown that seemingly collectively all of us are experiencing. But to also have a rise in your own trauma symptoms and memories in concert and conjunct with what’s happening in the world.
If this is you or if you see this happening with your partner or loved one right now, this post today is meant for you.
This post is meant to help you, if you come from or support someone who comes from a trauma background, to see things more clearly and to provide support that you may want to employ beyond all the other great COVID-19 self-care advice that’s out there.
The impacts of coming from a trauma background.
As a trauma survivor, you may live with ghosts.
Trauma, whether this is isolated in nature (think a car crash, a robbery at knife point, or a rape) or trauma that is complex and enduring (think chronic neglect and verbal abuse from a personality disordered parent or a childhood spent hungry and in the chaos of poverty and housing insecurity), can leave us with impacts.
Imprints of the event and events.
Memories stored in your physical body and emotional reactions programmed into your nervous system.
Life, as a trauma survivor, is a little like living in a house with ghosts.
You go along in a seemingly normal environment but then – all of the sudden! – a spectre looms and you’re taken off guard.
A boss doesn’t smile at you warmly like they normally do. And your mind jumps to the conclusion that you’re going to be fired.
Your partner doesn’t text by 9pm and you’re convinced they’re cheating on you.
Your best friend shares that you hurt her feelings. And you start to dissociate, unable to stay present for the conversation.
These are ghosts.
As I’ve written about before, traumatic events themselves don’t necessarily lead to maladaptive behaviors and responses.
Trauma itself doesn’t necessarily create ghosts.
It’s the failure to properly metabolize on a physiological level. Or make sense of things on an emotional and mental level. It so often leaves trauma survivors with maladaptive behaviors and responses.
The above examples are just a few concrete manifestations of how, when we aren’t properly supported in processing trauma when it happens to us, we may end up living with ghosts.
