So often, those of us from relational trauma backgrounds have no parent or grandparent to turn to for advice, comfort, reassurance, and support when life gets too much or really hard. 

And yet, because life is life, it will be hard. 

And the absence of this kind of support in those times can feel so lonely and like another layer of pain on top of the hard.

These essays are for you to bookmark on your hardest days. 

Imagine a loving, loyal, kind parental or grandparent figure saying these words to you. 

Read the words repeatedly until you internalize them and can say them to yourself reflexively and automatically.

Internalize these (good enough) parental words as part of your relational trauma recovery journey, and let these words steady and support you when you feel like you just want to give up. 

I hope these words can bring you even a little bit of comfort, no matter what is happening in your world.

_____

Oh honey, things are really hard again, aren’t they?

You’ve reached the limits of what you think you’re capable of.

And it feels like everything everywhere all at once, like your brain is about to explode and there’s not enough of you to go around for all the problems.

You’re unhappy with your recent weight gain.

Your friends are irritated that you always seem in a rush and don’t have time to get together.

Your house is a disaster. But there’s no time to clean it or get rid of things because daily life and work take up your only time.

Work feels insurmountable, hard, painful, and lonely. Like you’re doing five peoples’ workloads so that others can feel more at ease in their roles. 

But you’re the primary breadwinner, so it’s not like you can quit.

You’re absorbing the brunt.

At work. 

At home.

It’s gotten to the point when someone texting you out of the blue asking you for something rattles you. It’s Another Thing, and you’re already behind on Everything Thing.

You’re so unhappy.

You take out your anger and frustration with your life on your spouse. You play out endless fantasy loops of what it would be like to be married to someone else because you two are struggling so much.

It’s not helping your marriage, but gosh, do you need the mental outlet…