I’ve loved her work from her earliest days on The Office but what really sealed the deal for me was when I read an article she wrote in Glamour and I realized that she and I both believe the exact same thing about developing confidence.

To learn more about this, and to discover a tool that can help you nurture confidence in areas of your life where it’s needed, keep reading.

What Mindy Kaling and I both believe about confidence.

“Work hard, know your shit, show your shit, and then feel entitled. Listen to no one except the two smartest and kindest adults you know, and that doesn’t always mean your parents.” – Mindy Kaling

A few years back, I came across this terrific article written by Mindy in Glamour.

The whole essay is great (and, predictably, hilarious). In it, Mindy is addressing a young fan of hers who she felt she let down with a canned answer about how to be confident.

Her written response is her re-do, and it’s a strong, honest, and compelling one.

In it, Mindy talks about a concept that I call earned confidence: The idea that we’re not just magically, spontaneously confident, but rather that the state of confidence is earned through hard work and experiences that increasingly teach us we can and should have confidence in ourselves.

And I couldn’t agree with her more.

I agree with Mindy Kaling. Because confidence, by definition, is a feeling state of certainty, assurance, and faith in someone or something (including yourself).

And I would argue that, for most of us, when we’re starting new behaviors, exposing ourselves to new situations, trying out something we’ve never done before, it’s normal, natural, and very realistic not to feel confident in yourself.

(Note: Grandiosity – a false and unrealistic sense of superiority or abilities – is not to be confused with confidence. This is a hollow, reactive state to a lack of self-esteem, actually.)

So confidence – the feeling state of assurity in yourself or your actions – has to be earned through repeated exposure that authentically reifies the belief, little by little, that we can be successful at that thing we’re attempting.

But what if you grew up in a home where you weren’t taught to be confident?

There are some people out there who may seemingly have been confident from birth. And if we don’t know that person’s story, it’s easy to believe that they had it easy. That they’ve always been confident.

And honestly, maybe that is kind of the case.

Maybe they were lucky enough to be born into a family that was supportive and affirming. Nurtured confidence in their child when they saw it blooming and blossoming moment-to-moment in their kid.