“No, I’m pretty sure you said this Wednesday night. That’s why I ordered the special pasta in the groceries this Monday.”
“Lauren, god, how many times do we have to go over this. You always misunderstand me. I don’t know if it’s your ADHD or what. But you heard me wrong. I didn’t say this week. I couldn’t have, I have that huge deadline for our Hong Kong clients on Friday.”
“Oh. Okay… I guess I messed up. I thought… never mind. Sorry.”
Or…
[A dad driving in the car with his 10-year old daughter to run an errand, parking in front of a stranger’s house.]
“Kate, wait here. I have to go inside, part of the errand is here.”
“Can’t I come in?”
“No. You have to wait here.”
“Fine. How long will you be?”
“Five minutes. Just play your Gameboy.”
“Okay.”
[40 minutes later, dad comes back smelling of perfume and something else, daughter is in tears.]
“What took you so long?!”
“That wasn’t very long. I was only gone a few minutes.”
“No! Dad! That took a long time, way more than five minutes.”
“Did it? Well, sometimes errands do.”
“No, but Da-”
“Quiet, Kate!”
[Arriving home at their house, going inside and greeting Kate’s mother, mother says:]
“What took you guys so long?”
“Dad stopped at someone’s house! He was gone inside forever!”
“Kate! Cut it out. She’s making things up again. We stopped at the store and then swung by the office. It took longer because of traffic.”
“What? No way, Dad! You went inside that strange house, remember?”
“Kate, stop it. I swung by the office. That was the building! You’re exaggerating and forgetting what happened. You remember the traffic? It was a mess.”
[Mother] “Kate, you know you’re not supposed to fib. If Dad says he did something, then he did. Come on, let’s get ready for dinner…”
How close to home did either of these vignettes feel?
Could the adult self of you relate? Could your child self relate?
In your past or your present do you sometimes or often have the experience of someone pushing back on what you imagined was true, what you believed to be accurate and real, and telling you otherwise?
Does that pushback from others ever cause you to doubt your own reality? Do you sometimes wonder if you can trust yourself, your thoughts, and what you know to be true?
Or can you not relate to this at all? Do you wonder with disbelief how any of the above vignettes could play out and have the responses they have?
No matter your situation, today’s post covers a topic I feel so passionate about talking about: gaslighting.
Keep reading if – for whatever reason – you’re curious about this topic, too.
What is Gaslighting?
Just what is gaslighting?
