I shared that I was a trauma therapist who works primarily with ambitious, upwardly mobile women from relational trauma backgrounds.
A great conversation ensued when this woman (herself a doctor) asked me what this meant.
We spent the brief but engaging flight with me breaking down what this means and her collecting my business card for a handful of colleagues who she saw in the description I offered.
I wanted to share with you what I shared with my lovely seatmate in case you, too, would like to know more of what it means to be an upwardly mobile woman who comes from a relational trauma background.
First of all, what is relational trauma?
As I define it, relational trauma is the kind of trauma that results over the course of time in the context of a power-imbalanced and dysfunctional relationship (usually between a child and caregiver) that results in a host of complex and lingering biopsychosocial impacts for the individual who endured the trauma.
Relational trauma can occur when caregivers and the early, influential institutions and systems in a young child’s life fail to respect and support their dignity, personhood, and biopsychosocial well-being due to individual or collective deficits.
In other words, parents and caregivers with their own unprocessed trauma histories, unattended mood- or personality-disorders, addictions, and other mental health challenges, as well as coercive, shaming, denigrating group dynamics and communities like cults, extremist groups, and other bullying environments can cause (unintentionally and intentionally) relational trauma by failing to adequately provide a developing child what they need to feel physically safe, emotionally supported, and mentally well in the world.
Many children who grow into women can come from a background like this but ALSO still be ambitious and upwardly mobile.
So what does that mean?
What does it mean to be ambitious and upwardly mobile when you come from this kind of background?
In my experience, some (if not all) of the following “firsts” often apply to ambitious, upwardly mobile women from relational trauma backgrounds:
- She’s the first in her family to go to college;
- She’s the first in her family to break the poverty cycle;
- She’s the first in her family to become a professional;
- She’s the first in her family to become financially secure;
- She’s the first in her family to leave the town/state where she grew up;
- She’s the first in her family to enter a new social or economic bracket;
- She’s the first in her family to build a career versus holding down jobs.
