What Exactly Are The 5 Love Languages?
The 5 Love Languages are a popular social psychology theory put forth by Gary Chapman, PhD in his best-selling book* (and quiz!) of the same name which posits that there are distinct and separate ways in which we as individuals feel loved and cared for.
The 5 Love Languages are, in summary, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Gifts, and Quality Time.
Physical Touch.
Physical Touch is where appropriate touch makes some people feel the most loved. Think hugs, hand-holding, kisses, cuddles, consensual sex.
Words of affirmation.
Words of affirmation, on the other hand, is where compliments, appreciation, praise, and sincere verbal acknowledgment makes another person feel most loved. Think, “I love you”, “I appreciate you”, “You’re just so amazing at [fill in the blank].”
Acts of service.
Acts of service is the idea that some of us will feel most loved when someone does a practical favor for us. Think taking out the garbage, proactively doing the dishes, running that errand we were dreading.
Quality time.
Quality time means that time spent together with your partner present and available for you makes you feel most loved. Think phone down, TV off, full presence, eye contact, togetherness.
Gifts.
Gifts are the love languages where thoughtful, intentional, meaningful gifts (even if they’re small) really makes someone feel care for. Think little tokens, mementos, or flowers where the recipient clearly had you in mind.
The language (or pair of languages since we may have two dominant preferences) that we most strongly identify with are the ones which will help us feel loved and the languages through which we likely naturally express love.
So why is this concept so helpful for your relationship?
It can be helpful because you and your partner likely have different love languages.
How The 5 Love Languages Can Help Strengthen Your Relationship
As most of us discover in a long-term romantic relationship, we are usually wonderfully, sometimes maddeningly different from the partner we chose.
Habits, preferences, triggers, and baggage aside, the way one of you expresses and feels most loved may be different from the way your partner experiences and expresses love.
So what this can look like is a sometimes-frustrating series of attempts to express your care for one another, only to have it fall flat.
For instance, think about the husband who showers words of affirmation and loving praise on his wife who couldn’t care less about this and instead just wants him to do the dinner dishes or give the toilet a scrub.
