There she sits at her granite kitchen counter at 9:42 PM, the blue glow of her phone casting harsh shadows across her exhausted face. The cold surface beneath her forearms contrasts sharply with the warmth of the mug of chamomile tea growing cold beside her—a failed attempt at winding down. Her color-coded calendar app glows up at her like a slot machine, each hour of busyness claimed by someone or something else.
The familiar weight of three project deadlines presses down on her shoulders like a heavy coat she can’t take off. The school board meeting she needs to prep for tomorrow morning. Her daughter’s soccer tournament this weekend, where she already knows she’ll find herself answering “urgent” emails from the sidelines while missing the goals. And somewhere in the busyness and mental chaos, that nagging reminder about the doctor’s appointment she keeps rescheduling—the one about the mole that’s been bothering her for months.
She rolls her shoulders against the familiar tension headache forming at the base of her skull. There’s that heaviness in her chest again—the one that always surfaces during rare quiet moments like silt settling in still water.
But instead of sitting with it, her thumb moves instinctively. She finds an empty half-hour on Thursday and quickly fills it with a conference call that could easily be an email.
The relief floods through her immediately.
The calendar is full again. Crisis averted.
Or is it?
If this scene feels uncomfortably familiar, you’re far from alone.
Here’s what I’ve noticed across hundreds of therapy sessions with high-achieving women: we’ve turned busyness into armor. A sophisticated shield that protects us from feelings we’re not ready to face.
“Busy” has become our automatic response to “How are you?” We humble-brag about our overwhelming to-do lists while secretly feeling important because we’re in constant demand.
But what if your jam-packed calendar serves a purpose beyond productivity?
What if busyness isn’t just about getting things done—what if it’s about keeping something else at bay?
Busyness as Armor: The Brilliant Strategy Hidden in Plain Sight
Let me be clear from the start: using busyness as protection is a brilliant adaptive strategy. Your mind developed this creative solution to help you cope with difficult feelings or circumstances.
This wasn’t a personal failure.
Recent research has revealed something fascinating about high-achievers: achievement can function as a socially acceptable form of emotional numbing—just as effective as more obvious escapes like alcohol or endless social media scrolling. The difference? Busyness earns praise rather than concern from others. It comes with gold stars instead of worried looks.
Think of busyness as emotional body armor. Heavy, protective, and highly effective—until it starts weighing you down so much that you can barely move.
I’ve walked this road myself. As a newly licensed therapist building my practice while managing my own thirties-related pressures, I recognize the seductive pull of a packed calendar.
