And in that time I’ve had the honor and privilege of working with some very high-functioning, accomplished women. CEO’s, founders, corporate lawyers, entrepreneurs, engineers, doctors and so on.
Women who are incredibly talented and who shine at work.
The kind of woman who everyone knows they can count on.
The ones whose plates at work get more and more full as their bosses, funders, colleagues, and boards pile more and more tasks and responsibilities on them.
“She’ll get it done. She always does.”
“If you want something done, give it to her.”
“You always step up, thank you for stepping up again and handling this.”
“You’ve got this, right? Yeah, I knew you would.”
“I don’t know what we’d do without you.”
Sounds amazing, right?
Must feel good to know that you’re so essential and that you’re so highly regarded in the workplace, no?
Well, maybe.
But you see, I think there’s also a shadow side to being the one who everyone counts on, to being the one who doesn’t let anyone down, to being the one who just takes on more and more and more.
It’s a downside that I call The Curse Of Competency and I want to talk about it with you today.
What’s the downside of being so high-functioning?
While it may not seem obvious to think of there being a downside to being high-functioning, the reality is that there sometimes can be.
When you’re the achiever, the high-functioning one, the super-strong one in your family, your workplace, or even in your community, you may not be the one people think of to help first (or at all).
You may “fool” people into believing you’ve got it all together, that you’re not struggling, that you’re not overwhelmed because of your track record of competency and accomplishments, but also because of any messages that you send (and have been conditioned to send) about being “fine.”
When you look like you have it all together, when you explicitly or implicity state that you are “fine” when really you’re not, you deprive yourself of the opportunity to receive and ask for help, to be supported in the ways you may truly need and want to be.
You consciously or unconsciously signal to others that they don’t need to worry about you. That their focus can go to someone else – the challenged younger sibling, the low-performer at work, your squeaky wheel colleague, the struggling neighbor, etc.
You appear to be okay, but inwardly you’re not.
