THERAPY

So how does this whole therapy thing work?

SUMMARY

“So how does this whole therapy thing work?” It’s the question I get more than almost any other — and the honest answer is: it’s a journey, not a protocol. This post is how I actually think about it.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

1. Like with any journey, we may set off thinking we know where we want to go.
2. The therapeutic part of therapy happens in the relationship between client and therapist.
3. References
4. Frequently Asked Questions

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

• Work with Annie Wright, LMFT — explore individual therapy for driven women navigating relational trauma.
• Understanding Psychotherapy — American Psychological Association overview of how therapy works.

One question I receive from clients – maybe above all other questions ­ is this: “So how does this whole therapy thing work?”

SUMMARY

Definition: Relational Therapy

There’s no one single “right” way to answer this question, “How does therapy work?” ­Each therapist will have their own answer to it. But, personally as a relational, humanistic therapist, I like to think that therapy is a journey that both client and therapist make together in a quest to help you experience greater wholeness and aliveness. I believe that by entering therapy, you as a client inherently become an emotional pioneer and a soul adventurer of sorts. And I, as the therapist, receive the privilege of accompanying you along the way as a guide and companion.

As we embark on the journey together from the very first consult call to the intake session and beyond ­- we begin a process of deep, curious exploration together, exploring the terrain and topography of your life, of your unique challenges, your dreams, wishes, life narratives, and more.

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Like with any journey, we may set off thinking we know where we want to go.

While that may very well be the destination you end up at along the way, we may also encounter unexpected matters which, when faced and explored in the spirit of curiosity, can sometimes be the greatest gifts of the journey. Together, we hold a mindset of genuine curiosity about everything we encounter — the expected and unexpected alike — and a willingness to return to that exploration week after week.

It’s important to note that, on this journey, I am not the expert of you. As a client, you are the expert of you; as the therapist, I’m the expert in helping you get more in touch with you and, yes, in helping you develop the awareness and tools you may need along the way. But make no mistake­ no one, not I or anyone else­ is as much of an expert on you as you are.

The therapeutic part of therapy happens in the relationship between client and therapist.

I believe this is so because our patterns, beliefs, and conditioning are put down early in relationship and it is only through relationship that these patterns and wounds can be illuminated and then (within the context of a reparative relationship) be healed and transformed, a process which resultingly leads to an increased sense of aliveness and wholeness.

The journey of therapy is absolutely about gaining new awareness and a­ha’s about your life. It’s also about cultivating tools, skills, and new behaviors that you can employ in the therapy room and beyond. But most importantly, I believe, therapy is the chance to develop a profoundly special and unique type of relationship that can help you experience yourself and your life in a different and deeply transformative way, the effects of which may last for the rest of your life.

Therapy isn’t a fix applied to a broken person. It’s a relationship that creates the conditions for you to access more of who you already are. That’s what I’m here for.

Warmly,

Annie

Frequently Asked Questions

This is part of our comprehensive guide on this topic. For the full picture, read: How Therapy Actually Works: A Complete Guide.

You deserve a life that feels as good as it looks. Let’s work on that together.

References

• Norcross, J. C., & Lambert, M. J. (2018). Psychotherapy relationships that work III. Psychotherapy, 55(4), 303-315.
• Horvath, A. O., Del Re, A. C., Flückiger, C., & Symonds, D. (2011). Alliance in individual psychotherapy. Psychotherapy, 48(1), 9-16.
• Schore, A. N. (2003). Affect regulation and the repair of the self. Norton & Company.
• Mitchell, S. A., & Aron, L. (1999). Relational psychoanalysis: The emergence of a tradition. The Analytic Press.
• Siegel, D. J. (2012). The developing mind: How relationships and the brain interact to shape who we are. Guilford Press.
• Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive behavior therapy: Basics and beyond. Guilford Press.
• Aron, L. (1996). A meeting of minds: Mutuality in psychoanalysis. The Analytic Press.
• Wampold, B. E., & Imel, Z. E. (2015). The great psychotherapy debate: The evidence for what makes psychotherapy work. Routledge.
• Leichsenring, F., & Rabung, S. (2008). Effectiveness of long-term psychodynamic psychotherapy: A meta-analysis. JAMA, 300(13), 1551-1565.

About the Author

Annie Wright, LMFT

LMFT #95719  ·  Relational Trauma Specialist  ·  W.W. Norton Author

Helping ambitious women finally feel as good as their résumé looks.

As a licensed psychotherapist (LMFT #95719), trauma-informed executive coach, and relational trauma specialist with over 15,000 clinical hours, she guides ambitious women — including Silicon Valley leaders, physicians, and entrepreneurs — in repairing the psychological foundations beneath their impressive lives. Annie is the founder and former CEO of Evergreen Counseling, a multimillion-dollar trauma-informed therapy center she built, scaled, and successfully exited. A regular contributor to Psychology Today, her expert commentary has appeared in Forbes, Business Insider, Inc., NBC, and The Information. She is currently writing her first book with W.W. Norton.

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