Hey friend,
The questions you submitted for this month’s Q&A revealed something I see constantly with driven and ambitious women: the sophisticated ways our early money stories become invisible passengers in our adult lives, sabotaging our relationships and keeping us underearning despite our capabilities.
A vulnerable story about two different financial backgrounds colliding in marriage—one partner who grew up with invisible safety nets, another who learned that money literally equals survival after watching his family lose their home. A service provider who’s identified that her “protector voice” has kept her at the same client rate for five years, but still can’t bring herself to send the rate increase email.
Your questions weren’t asking for budgeting tips or generic business advice. They were asking something much more complex: How do you navigate money when your nervous system learned completely different lessons about safety and survival? How do you raise your rates when your protector parts are convinced that asking for more will lead to rejection and financial catastrophe? How do you honor the wisdom in both your financial anxiety and your partner’s financial approach?
These are the questions that keep driven women lying awake calculating worst-case scenarios—because healing financial trauma isn’t about thinking differently about money. It’s about understanding that your relationship to money was forged in your earliest experiences of safety, worth, and survival.
In this month’s Q&A, I address the real mechanics behind how money stories follow us into our most intimate relationships and professional decisions.
Here’s part of my response to the couple navigating different financial backgrounds:
“When a kid grows up watching his family lose their home, dealing with abuse and watching money disappear like smoke, his little nervous system learns one big lesson: Money equals survival. So it’s not about being controlling or difficult, it’s about that deep primal part of his brain that’s still trying to keep him safe from ever feeling that helpless again.”
The complete Q&A goes deeper into practical frameworks for what I call “invisible passengers”—the money stories that drive our behavior and relationships without our conscious awareness. I also address specific strategies for service providers struggling to raise rates, including how to work with protector parts that are trying to keep you financially safe by keeping you financially stuck.
These conversations are too nuanced for surface-level money advice and too specific for generic couples counseling. They’re for women who understand that their financial patterns aren’t just about numbers—they’re about nervous system programming that needs conscious updating.
The full 45-minute recording and complete transcript are below, including detailed frameworks for honoring both partners’ financial wisdom and step-by-step guidance for raising rates without betraying your protective instincts.
If you’re not yet a paid subscriber and want access to the complete monthly Q&As, upgrade below to join this ongoing conversation about healing the invisible forces that shape our lives.
Click play on the video below to listen to a preview of the Q&A.
