These moments are so tough and you are so not alone in feeling like you want to quit your relationship. This is SUCH a common feeling!
But there are a few tools and one metaphor I like to share with my therapy clients when they feel like this. Tools and a metaphor that, when considered, could help reduce your despair about the state of your relationship and, dare I say? even make you feel a little more hopeful.
“Someone once told me a story about long-term relationships. To think of them as a continent to explore. I could spend a lifetime backpacking through Africa, and I would still never know all there is to know about that continent. To stay the course, to stay intentional, to stay curious and connected – that’s the heart of it. But it’s so easy to lose track of the trail, to get tired, to want to give up, or to want a new adventure. It can be so easy to lose sight of the goodness and mystery within the person sitting right in front of you.” – Joy Williams
Why Your Relationship Is Probably Like The Stock Market (yes, really).
Your relationship is probably a lot like the stock market.
Specifically, your relationship is probably filled with high highs and low lows which, as we all know, is par for the course with investing in the stock market.
But there’s a really big difference between taking a snapshot of the stock market on any given day versus looking at the overall trends over time.
On any given day you could feel total despair and want to get out as you see your stocks plummeting, potentially costing you thousands. Or you could feel like a rock star as you watch your investments get bullish and contemplate buying even more.
But neither of these scenarios would be an accurate portrayal of your portfolio’s overall performance nor indicative of a likely long-term reality for you.
Why?
Because when we step back and observe and analyze 100 years of data from the Dow Jones Industrial Average, we see that, while wild ebbs and flows are inevitable, the stock market has steadily risen and gone up over time.
So what does this have to do with your relationship?
Well, if you take a snapshot on any given day, it’s probably not going to be a very realistic indicator of your overall relationship health either.
“We all have restlessness in long-term relationships.” – Helen Fisher, Ph.D.
If you take the snapshot on a day when you’re at each others’ throats, scrambling to get to work after discovering your engine won’t turn over and the dishwasher has flooded the kitchen, this isn’t likely to be representative.
Conversely, if you take the snapshot while you’re both on vacation, carefree and unencumbered and feeling blissfully back in love over margaritas, that’s probably not the most representative scenario either.
