“The weirdest thing about a mind is that you can have the most intense things going on in there, and no one else can see them. The world shrinks or expands according to your state of mind. And sometimes the mind is so noisy, it is hard to hear the world at all.”
– Matt Haig, Reasons to Stay Alive.
Let me begin this essay by saying that I have yet to meet someone from a relational trauma background who sees the world as “Glass Half Full” versus “Glass Half Empty.”
If you do come from a relational trauma background and yet still have an overwhelming optimistic attitude, that’s amazing.
Also, please message me so I can say I know there’s at least one person out there like this.
But for the rest of us, for the majority of us who have experienced relational trauma, we may live with a persistent sense of discontent and possibly a deeply ingrained negativity bias.
Because of this, the question, “Why am I so negative?” is likely something we’ve asked ourselves or others have asked us many times over the years.
It’s a question people have asked me before, “Why are you so negative?”
When I was younger, that kind of questioning used to make me feel ashamed.
Now, it makes me a little angry and self-protectively defensive.
Look, developmental trauma is not an equal-opportunity affliction.
Nor are its impacts.
Coming from a relational trauma history makes us different than our non-traumatized peers.
That’s the first point I really want you to hear as we discuss the question, “Why am I so negative?”
So negative compared to who?
Compared to your non-traumatized peers or your peers from relational trauma backgrounds who may have endured comparable life experiences as you?
I don’t like comparison in general, but if you’re going to compare yourself to anyone when asking the question, “Why am I so negative?” compare yourself to a comparable peer group, for starters.
Okay, now, with that hopeful validation and normalization out of the way, let’s really unpack how and why relational trauma/developmental trauma experiences can create negativity in our brains and shape how we see the world.
How Developmental Trauma Primes Our Brains For Negativity
“Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. ”
– Bessel van der Kolk
Understanding why negative thoughts persist after developmental trauma involves exploring the incredibly complex neural landscape.
Keeping with the analogy of landscaping, the brain of individuals who have experienced trauma resembles a chaotic terrain.
