“Trauma is not just what happens within the walls of a home. It can occur in schools, places of worship, and any other environment where power dynamics are exploited and individuals are subjected to harm and control.” – Judith Herman, MD 

Childhood trauma is a concept that has traditionally been understood in the context of the abuse and neglect perpetrated by primary caregivers. 

However, this narrow definition, in my personal and professional opinions, often fails to capture the full spectrum of traumatic experiences that can profoundly impact an individual’s mental health and well-being. 

As a therapist specializing in childhood trauma recovery, I’ve encountered many individuals whose traumatic experiences were not recognized because their abusers were siblings or members of their community, and their caregivers did nothing to intervene. 

These folks wouldn’t see themselves and their experiences in “traditional definitions” of childhood trauma so, to address this gap and because my own understanding of trauma has deepened over time, I’ve developed what I hope is a more inclusive definition of relational trauma:

“Relational trauma is the kind of trauma that results over the course of time in the context of a power-imbalanced and dysfunctional relationship (usually between a child and caregiver but also between a child/adolescent and systems/communities) that results in a host of complex and lingering biopsychosocial impacts for the individual who subjectively endured the trauma and was overwhelmed by the experience.”- Annie Wright, LMFT

 

Do you come from a relational trauma background?

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Why we need to expand the scope of relational trauma experiences.

I’ve said this dozens of times before, but in my clinical experience and in my lived experience, I’ve found that many individuals struggle to see themselves in the classic definitions of childhood trauma.

Often, this is because the abusers were not their parents but rather siblings, teachers, or community leaders, and their parents failed to protect them. 

This broader understanding of relational trauma is crucial for validating the experiences, the relational trauma experiences, of those who endured abuse in less recognized contexts.

What are some of these less recognized contexts? 

Relational trauma experiences beyond caregivers.

Examples of non-caregiver relational trauma might include:

1) Boarding school teacher trauma.

“The experience of being sent away to boarding school can be deeply traumatic for many children. The lack of parental warmth and the harsh disciplinary regimes often found in these institutions can lead to long-term emotional and psychological difficulties.” – McGuffin, D. (2012). The Impact of Boarding School on Attachment and Later Relationships. 

Consider the case of boarding school teachers who physically and emotionally abuse a student. They may use excessive discipline, humiliation, and isolation as control tactics. In these scenarios, parents, often dismissive of their child’s complaints, may insist that their child endures the abuse for the sake of a prestigious education. This lack of parental intervention exacerbates the relational trauma experience, leaving the child feeling isolated and unsupported. Now, before you come at me and tell me that this far-fetched, you don’t need to look much further than examples in the books of Roald Dahl, CS Lewis, and JK Rowling for pop culture examples of this, reflecting a pattern that is likely alive and well today beyond the 1950’s and the Halls of Hogwarts.

2) Sibling abuse.

“The impact of sibling abuse can be profound, often leading to psychological issues such as anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. It is a serious problem that deserves more attention from both researchers and clinicians.”  – Wiehe, V. R. (1997). Sibling Abuse: Hidden Physical, Emotional, and Sexual Trauma.

Sibling abuse is another often overlooked form of relational trauma. An older sibling might incite fear in their younger siblings by frequently threatening harm, humiliation, or abandonment, using intimidation to control and manipulate. Parents may see the older sibling as simply being strict or protective, failing to recognize the severe emotional and psychological harm being inflicted on the younger child. If you’re a Stranger Things fan like I am, the chilling relationship between Billy Hargrove and his stepsister Max Mayfield includes emotional and physical abuse, always an example I share when I need to illustrate sibling abuse, or another relational trauma experience.

3) Church trauma.

“Religious trauma syndrome (RTS) is a condition experienced by people who are struggling with leaving an authoritarian, dogmatic religion and coping with the damage of indoctrination. It can result in depression, anxiety, grief, and difficulty in relationships.” – Winell, M. (2011). Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion. 

In some cases, religious and spiritual institutions can be sources of significant trauma. A church that shames and ostracizes a child for questioning its beliefs can inflict deep psychological wounds. If parents support the church’s actions and refuse to protect their child, citing religious justifications, the child’s trauma is compounded by a profound sense of betrayal and abandonment. For many, many examples of this look no further than the library of documentaries Netflix has that illustrates church trauma: “The Keepers”, “Wild Wild Country”, “Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath”, “The Family”, “Explained: Cults”, “Murder Among the Mormons”, “Holy Hell”. And personally, I always lean on “Handmaid’s Tale” as another example of trauma that can spring from cult-like religions…

4) School-based bullying trauma.

“The impacts of bullying are profound and enduring. Victims of bullying often experience higher rates of mental health problems, such as anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation, which can persist well into adulthood.” – Bradshaw, C. P., & Waasdorp, T. E. (2013). Effective Strategies for Preventing Bullying in Schools.

Imagine a scenario where a child is repeatedly, persistently, and painfully bullied by peers at school. The bullying might cause physical assaults, verbal harassment, and social exclusion. Despite the child’s repeated reports to teachers and school administrators, the school fails to take effective action to stop the bullying. Instead, the administration downplays the incidents to the child and to the parents, labeling them as typical childhood conflicts. The child’s parents, trusting the school’s authority and wanting to avoid conflict, tell their child to toughen up and ignore the bullies. This lack of intervention and support from both the school and parents leads to the child feeling isolated, helpless, and unsafe. A grim and extreme pop culture portrayal of the damage of school-based bullying can be seen in everyone’s favorite Mainer – Stephen King’s chilling phenomenon Carrie.

Sibling and community trauma: parental complicity and clinical implications.

In each of these examples, I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that parents/guardians play a crucial role. 

Even if they are not the direct perpetrators of abuse, their failure to intervene renders them complicit.

This complicity raises significant clinical questions: If parents are unaware of the abuse, it suggests a lack of attentiveness and emotional attunement, which are essential for healthy child development. 

On the other hand, if they are aware but choose not to act, it reflects a deeply disturbing neglect of their protective role, contributing to the child’s trauma (of course).

I’ll be writing much more in the future about parental/guardian complicity but for now, and for the sake of this essay, recognizing that trauma can be inflicted by siblings, teachers, and community leaders—and that parental complicity plays a significant and damaging role—allows for a more comprehensive approach to treatment and validation of these experiences.

Hopefully by sharing this information about what other sources of relational trauma might be, you may have seen yourself and your experience more clearly.  

And now I’d love to hear from you in the comments:

Do you relate to struggling with applying the term “childhood trauma” to your own story? Did you see yourself in any of the six reasons I listed?

If you feel so inclined, please leave a message so our community of 30,000 blog readers can benefit from your share and wisdom.

Finally, as you contemplate beginning trauma therapy to recover from your own childhood trauma symptoms, I would strongly encourage you to work with a licensed mental health professional who is also trained in an evidence-based trauma modality (like EMDR).

If you live in either California or Florida, and you would like tailored, expert support, either myself or my talented team of childhood trauma clinicians at my boutique, trauma-informed therapy center – Evergreen Counseling – can be of support to you. 

Please just book a complimentary 20-minute consult call with our center’s clinical intake director and she can match you to an relational trauma therapist on our team who is the best fit for you clinically, relationally, and logistically (and it very well may be me who is the best fit for you as a therapist!).

And, no matter where you live in the world, sign up to be the first to know when my comprehensive multimedia online program, Overcoming Relational Trauma: The Course, launches in January 2025.

Finally, if you’re still not sure if this content applies to you, if you’re still not sure if you come from a relational trauma history and may deal with childhood trauma symptoms, I would invite you to take my signature quiz – “Do I come from a relational trauma background?” 

It’s a 5-minute, 25-question quiz I created that can be incredibly illuminating and will point you in the direction of a wide variety of resources that can be of further help to you.

Plus, when you take the quiz, you’ll be added to my mailing list where you’ll receive twice-a-month letters from me sharing original, high-quality essays (with accompanying YouTube videos and audios you can stream) devoted to the topic of childhood trauma recovery and where I share more about me as a person, my life, and how I’m deep along on my own childhood trauma recovery journey.

My newsletters are the only place where I share intimate glimpses into my life (including photos), the resources that are supporting me, the things I’ve discovered that delight me, words that are uplifting me, the practices that nourish me, etc. 

So please be sure to sign up for my mailing list whether or not you want to take the quiz as it’s the best way to be in touch with me and hear all the things I only share with my newsletter subscribers.

So thank you. 

And until next time, please take such good care of yourself. You’re so worth it.

Warmly, Annie