Each of these statements I’ve heard – in some iteration – nearly every month since I became a therapist. At the heart of each of these statements is fundamental belief: I’m not healed enough to do X, Y, Z…

And while this may feel like a fundamental belief, it’s not a reality: it’s a myth.

And it’s a common myth that, for those who believe in it, can ironically hold them back from the people, places, and pursuits that would otherwise be the most healing agents in their recovery journeys.

“Healed enough” is a myth; not a fact.

“Go out in the woods, go out. If you don’t go out in the woods nothing will ever happen and your life will never begin.” ― Clarissa Pinkola Estés, PhD

I’ve written about this extensively before but, to reiterate, those who come from relational trauma backgrounds may experience a host of complex biopsychosocial impacts that linger long into adulthood as a result of their adverse early childhoods.

One example of these impacts can include having maladaptive beliefs about one’s own “brokenness” (e.g.: impaired self-worth).

Often, for folks who come from relational trauma histories, this translates into people often thinking that they need to be “all healed” before moving towards the things they truly want (dating, kids, grad school, that dream career) because they feel “too broken” to have these good things in their lives now.

This belief is common, it’s normal and natural. 

But, just because it may be a normal and natural belief doesn’t mean that it’s an accurate belief.

What do I mean by it not being an accurate belief?

To me, this belief is a little analogous to thinking that you have to be perfectly fit before you can go to the gym and work out (something that would ironically help propel you more into a state of fitness). 

You may not feel ready to be looked at by others in your workout gear. You may worry you’re not as fit as others who may go to the gym. Running side-by-side on the treadmills with you, and therefore there’s no place for you there. 

But, empirically, it is not true that you aren’t fit enough to be at a gym.

Factually, there is no one fitness level mandated to frequent a gym. And if you ever encounter a gym that doesn’t have a Health at Every Size attitude – consider finding another establishment that values and embodies inclusivity more. 

Again, just because something feels true doesn’t mean it’s factually, empirically true.

So, while you may not feel “healed enough” (to sign up for that dating app, to ask that gorgeous woman out, to research and lay the groundwork for the fulfilling work your heart and soul craves), your feelings don’t necessarily mean fact.