But, even with it all thankfully behind me now, the whole experience reinforced for me the absolute criticality of attending to my health as a fundamental self-care skill as I work to be the best inner parent possible to myself and model good self-care for my daughter as she grows and watches me.
Honestly, I was grateful for the work I’d done personally in my own recovery from my relational trauma history to have honed this skill and to, at this point in time, be so good at taking care of myself with speed, diligence, and relentless self-advocacy.
If this was 10 or 15 years ago, I may not have responded as quickly (or at all) to this scare. And then who knows what consequences that would have had.
The whole experience (and my reflections on how I responded as a relentlessly self-loving 39-year-old versus what my 29-year-old self would have done) reminded me that this skill — attending to your health — is often a fundamental self-care skill that so many folks who come from relational trauma recovery backgrounds may struggle with and that this skill can and must be learned, re-learned, and developed in our relational trauma recovery journeys.
And so today’s essay speaks to this. The criticality of attending to your health as a fundamental self-care skill. Why this is often so hard for folks who come from relational trauma recovery backgrounds. And what it might mean and look like to develop and improve this skill.
If any part of you relates to the challenge of attending to your basic, fundamental health and medical care and you’d like to improve this skill, please join me on the blog to keep reading.
What is fundamental self-care?
It bothers me so much that self-care has been co-opted in recent years to be synonymous with bubble baths and mani-pedis.
I’ve written about my frustration with this pop culture co-opting before. But for the sake of today’s essay, I’ll reiterate that, in my personal and professional opinion, fundamental self-care is not the window dressing that makes things look and feel temporarily better.
Instead, fundamental self-care is often the hard, consistent, unsexy, unglamorous, non-Instagrammable actions and behaviors required to take care of ourselves sustainably and consistently well as adults.
Fundamental self-care is akin to the proverbial foundation. As well as framing, insulation, sheetrock, HVAC, and sound wiring and plumbing of the proverbial house of your life.
Fundamental self-care is not the proverbial decorating. Finding the chintzy, vintage throw pillows. Collecting frames for the gallery wall. Or hanging the pink neon sign proclaiming “Rosé all day!” – in your house of life.
That stuff can certainly feel more fun to focus on – I get it, who wants to research HVAC systems? But if you’re spending your time and energy focused on the proverbial decorations and accessorizing instead of or before the fundamentals, it’s a little akin to re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.
