Definition: Maladaptive belief
A maladaptive belief is a negative thought or idea about yourself that was helpful in the past but now holds you back or causes distress. These beliefs often form during childhood as a way to protect yourself but become unhelpful in adulthood.
Definition: Negative cognition
Negative cognition refers to harmful or untrue thoughts that you believe about yourself, like feeling unworthy or unsafe. These thoughts can influence how you feel and behave, often stemming from past experiences or trauma.
A maladaptive belief is a thought pattern or core assumption — often formed in response to early relational experiences — that was once protective or adaptive but now creates unnecessary suffering, limits your options, or keeps you stuck in old patterns.
Quick Summary
- You can apply Marie Kondo’s ‘does this spark joy?’ to your beliefs to decide which to keep or release.
- You likely carry maladaptive beliefs formed in childhood that no longer serve your adult self.
- Identifying the origin and purpose of these beliefs helps you gently let go of what no longer fits.
- EMDR therapy supports transforming negative beliefs by reprocessing painful memories and releasing old patterns.
A beloved client of mine and I were about two third of the way through our weekly telehealth EMDR session and we were deep into the reprocessing phase, targeting a painful early memory.
SUMMARY
What if you applied Marie Kondo’s ‘does this spark joy?’ principle to the beliefs you hold about yourself — the ones that used to protect you but no longer fit? Many of the beliefs driven women carry about their worth, safety, and what’s required of them were formed in childhood and were adaptive then. This post explores how to identify maladaptive beliefs, recognize their origins, and begin the process of gently releasing what no longer serves you.
After the last set of bi-lateral stimulation ended, I asked my client, “And what do you notice now?”
She said, “I was just kind of Marie Kondo’ing that negative belief we were talking about, thanking it for how it served me and releasing it.”
Table of Contents
- Unable to help myself, I burst into laughter.
- What are maladaptive beliefs and negative cognitions?
- So what are some examples of maladaptive beliefs and negative cognitions?
- Signs You May Be Carrying Relational Trauma
- Why are maladaptive beliefs and negative cognitions “a bad thing”?
- They were likely protective and adaptive, they kept us safe at some level.
- But what about that young woman as an adult in her 30s?
- Marie Kondo’s process is a great analogy of how we let those NCs go…
- What maladaptive belief might you need to “Marie Kondo”?
- Transforming Core Beliefs Through EMDR Therapy
- Wrapping up.
Unable to help myself, I burst into laughter.
Deviating from the clinical frame of EMDR (and, arguably, professionalism in general), I wiped tears from my eyes and told her, “That might be the best thing I’ve ever heard anyone say about changing their negative cognitions with EMDR! I might have to steal that from you.”
Maladaptive Belief
A maladaptive belief is a thought pattern or core assumption — often formed in response to early relational experiences — that was once protective or adaptive but now creates unnecessary suffering, limits your options, or keeps you stuck in old patterns. Examples include ‘I am only valuable when I am useful,’ ‘Needing things makes me a burden,’ or ‘I can’t trust anyone.’
She and I both laughed, and we resumed reprocessing, continuing our work to resolve the trauma of her earlier experiences and internalize new, more positive cognitions and beliefs to support her.
But after the session ended, I couldn’t help smiling thinking about what she said. “Marie Kondo’ing her negative belief.” I thought, what a great analogy she came up with to describe one of the primary intents of EMDR therapy. And, indeed, one of the core tenants of relational trauma recovery work.
In today’s essay, I want to explore the concept of maladaptive beliefs and negative cognitions. Illustrate how they form in order to protect us. And discuss how – when they eventually stop serving us – we can use EMDR (or other bottom-up, brain-based trauma treatment approaches) to “Marie Kondo” those beliefs. Finally, I’ll provide some prompts to help you get started “Marie Kondo’ing” your own negative beliefs, too.
What are maladaptive beliefs and negative cognitions?
A maladaptive belief or negative cognition can, for the purposes of this essay, be used interchangeably. As I define them in my clinical work, these are thoughts about self, others, and the world that are central to one’s identity and are prone towards negative bias, distorted, and largely fixed.
Maladaptive beliefs and negative cognitions form (often unconsciously) in response to our social, environmental, and emotional experiences, often early in life. But we’re capable of forming these kinds of beliefs long after childhood, too.
Within the framework and theory of EMDR, my personal EMDR trainer and consultant (and one of Francine Shapiro, Ph.D.’s original cohort of EMDR practitioners) Andrew Leeds, Ph.D. elaborates on the concept of negative cognitions further by stating that:
“Three elements make up the [negative cognition]: 1) A presently held 2) irrational belief, that comes to mind when 3) focusing on the disturbing memory. The [negative cognition] is: 1) not what was thought at the time of the original event, 2) not a possibly true description, 3) not necessarily believed (or acted on) all the time.”
So what are some examples of maladaptive beliefs and negative cognitions?
There are thousands of examples of maladaptive beliefs and negative cognitions. But, using the theory and frame of EMDR, most are rooted in four core themes of self-defectiveness, responsibility, safety, and control. Below I list a handful of examples per theme:
- Self-defectiveness:
- “I’m unworthy.”
- “I’m unloveable.”
- “I’m bad.”
- “I’m broken.”
- Responsibility:
- “I should have… [fill in the blank]”
- “I shouldn’t have… [fill in the blank]”
- “I should have known better.”
- “It’s all my fault.”
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- Safety:
- “I’m in danger.”
- “I can’t protect myself.”
- “I’m going to die.”
- “I can’t trust anyone.”
- Control:
- “I’m not in control.”
- “I’m powerless.”
- “I’m helpless.
- “‘I’m weak.”
And, as I said, the iterations of maladaptive beliefs and negative cognitions are endless.
Why are maladaptive beliefs and negative cognitions “a bad thing”?
It may seem obvious, but the impacts of maladaptive beliefs and negative cognitions can be harmful.
Volumes of research illustrate the correlation between chronic stress and our physical and mental well-being and, certainly, maladaptive beliefs and negative cognitions contribute to increased chronic stress.
So, without a doubt, they have negative consequences.
But are maladaptive beliefs and negative cognitions “a bad thing?”
I don’t think it’s quite that simple.
Just like nothing in life is ever fully bad or good, we have to understand that negative cognitions and maladaptive beliefs, at some level, served us well at some point.
They were likely protective and adaptive, they kept us safe at some level.
Let’s take an example of a maladaptive belief/negative cognition: “I can’t trust anyone.”
Let’s imagine a young girl, raised by an alcoholic, antisocial personality disordered father and a depressive, suicidal mother who grew up experiencing chronic and repeated experiences of actual and perceived danger with them.
In this kind of environment, it would be smart of that young girl not to “trust” relationships where her dignity, safety, and physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being would be at risk.
By holding this belief, she might self-protect from withdrawing from those relationships, relying on herself in those formative years when no adult around her was trustworthy, guarding against emotional intimacy with people who were not capable of it.
Smart actions to take to make it out of childhood and adolescence with parents like that…
But what about that young woman as an adult in her 30s?
Does that maladaptive belief still serve her so well?
Now she’s partnered with a good, kind, and honest (but, of course, imperfect) partner.
She’s surrounded by friends who are there for her as much as their own capacities allow, and works daily with teammates at her law firm who really do want to help her and see her succeed.
Does the belief of “I can’t trust anyone” still serve her so well now that her relationally traumatic past is over and she’s more empowered and surrounded by safer, more functional relationships?
You and I both know the answer: No, her belief of “I can’t trust anyone” doesn’t serve her so well anymore.
Holding onto a belief like this likely stops her from having the emotional intimacy and close, connected, interdependent relationships she craves (and that make life so worthwhile).
And yet, while this maladaptive belief no longer serves her, we can release it compassionately with respect for how it once served her, a process analogous to Marie Kondo’ing your home.
Marie Kondo’s process is a great analogy of how we let those NCs go…
If you don’t know about the global phenom that is Marie Kondo and her “Joy of Tidying Up” process, it’s a tidying methodology hinged on four parts:
- Tidy by category of home item.
- Keep only those things that speak to the heart.
- Discard items that no longer spark joy.
- Thank them for their service – then let them go.
The reason why I laughed when my client made her comment is that she had, intuitively, practiced the fourth part of Marie Kondo’s process: holding a compassionate view of her old, dysfunctional belief, recognizing it had served her well, and then releasing it with care (versus moving towards self-denigration or blame that she ever had that belief in the first place).
It was truly delightful and as someone who deeply loves a clean, tidy house and all things home organization (Marie Kondo being one of them!), I couldn’t help but laugh and find joy that she was progressing so well through her EMDR work by compassionately releasing (and cleverly analogizing) her process of moving towards healthier, more functional beliefs.
Certainly, EMDR is not the only therapy that can support a client to identify and release maladaptive beliefs and negative cognitions and replace them with more positive and supportive beliefs and cognitions, but it is, in my opinion, one of the most effective therapies that can achieve this.
What maladaptive belief might you need to “Marie Kondo”?
All of us have some maladaptive beliefs and negative cognitions that are no longer serving us. Consider the below prompts to identify one (or more) of yours:
- What’s one example of mental clutter/a maladaptive belief you’re aware of holding?
- As you read through this essay and explored the four themes and examples I shared earlier, did any resonate with you in particular?
- Once you’ve identified one belief, ask yourself, how did this mental clutter/maladaptive belief serve and protect you at one time? How did it keep you safe?
- Can you thank it for how it served you and release it? Substituting, perhaps, a more helpful, productive belief instead?
- What do you need to see, know, or experience in order to compassionately release it? To Marie Kondo it?
Transforming Core Beliefs Through EMDR Therapy
When you enter EMDR therapy carrying beliefs like “I’m unworthy” or “I can’t trust anyone,” you’re not just working with thoughts but with neurologically-stored survival programs that once kept you safe in unsafe environments—discovering that AFGOs (Another F*cking Growth Opportunity) as your litmus test often reveal which beliefs still run your life versus which you’ve successfully updated.
Your trauma-informed EMDR therapist helps you identify the specific memories where these beliefs crystallized—the moment your mother’s criticism became “I’m not good enough,” when your father’s absence became “I’m unlovable”—targeting these memories with bilateral stimulation to literally rewire how your brain stores these experiences and their associated beliefs.
The EMDR process honors that your maladaptive beliefs were adaptive once—thanking them for their service while installing updated cognitions that match your current reality. Through sets of bilateral stimulation, you might feel the belief “I can’t protect myself” (formed when you were truly helpless as a child) gradually shift to “I can protect myself now” as your adult resources integrate with the old memory. Your therapist guides you through not just changing the thought but metabolizing the stored trauma that keeps regenerating the belief, watching your SUDS (distress) scores drop while your VOC (validity of positive belief) scores rise.
Most powerfully, EMDR creates lasting change because it addresses beliefs at their source—not just challenging them cognitively but reprocessing the traumatic memories that keep feeding them. Like Marie Kondo creating space for joy by releasing what no longer serves, EMDR clears out the traumatic charge that maintains outdated beliefs, making room for cognitions that support rather than sabotage your life, proving that the protective strategies of childhood can be honored, thanked, and finally, gently retired.
Wrapping up.
Now I’d love to hear from you in the comments below:
What came up for you reading today’s essay? Did you get in touch with any internalized maladaptive beliefs and negative cognitions you weren’t aware of before? What’s one tool or tip you could share that’s helped you “Marie Kondo” your own maladaptive beliefs and negative cognitions?
If you feel so inclined, please leave a message in the comments below so our community of 20,000 blog readers can benefit from your wisdom.
Here’s to healing relational trauma and creating thriving lives on solid foundations.
Warmly,
Annie
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Frequently Asked Questions
What is a maladaptive belief and where do they come from?
Maladaptive beliefs are core assumptions about yourself, others, and the world that were formed in response to early experiences — especially relational trauma. They were adaptive at the time: ‘I’m only safe when I’m useful’ made sense in a household where love was conditional. The problem is that these beliefs tend to persist long after the original conditions are gone.
How do I identify my own maladaptive beliefs?
Start with your strongest emotional reactions and your most persistent problems. The belief behind a pattern is usually visible when you follow the feeling to its logical conclusion: ‘I feel panicked when someone seems disappointed in me because… if they’re disappointed, they’ll leave, because… I’m not lovable unless I’m performing perfectly.’ Each ‘because’ moves you closer to the core belief.
Why is it so hard to change maladaptive beliefs even when you know they’re not true?
Because they’re stored in the emotional and somatic memory systems, not just the thinking brain. Knowing intellectually that a belief is false rarely changes how your nervous system responds. Real change requires working at the level of felt experience — which is why therapy, somatic practices, and corrective relational experiences are more effective than pure cognitive insight.
What does it look like to ‘release’ a maladaptive belief?
Release isn’t usually a single moment — it’s a gradual process. It involves naming the belief, tracing it to its origin, feeling compassion for the younger self who needed it, testing it against current evidence, and building new experiences that contradict it. Over time, the old belief loses its automatic grip.
Can I do this kind of belief work on my own?
You can begin the identification process on your own through journaling, reflection, and reading about relational trauma. But deep belief change — especially beliefs tied to attachment wounds — typically requires relational experience to shift. A good therapist can provide the corrective relationship that makes it safe to try on new beliefs.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post is for psychoeducational and informational purposes only and does not constitute therapy, clinical advice, or a therapist-client relationship. For full details, please read our Medical Disclaimer. If you are in crisis, please call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line).
You deserve a life that feels as good as it looks. Let’s work on that together.
References
- Leeds, A. M. (2016). A Guide to the Standard EMDR Therapy Protocols for Clinicians, Supervisors, and Consultants. Springer Publishing Company.
- Beck, A. T. (1967). Depression: Clinical, Experimental, and Theoretical Aspects. University of Pennsylvania Press.
- Young, J. E., Klosko, J. S., & Weishaar, M. E. (2003). Schema Therapy: A Practitioner’s Guide. Guilford Press.
- Young, J. E. (1990). Cognitive Therapy for Personality Disorders: A Schema-Focused Approach. Professional Resource Exchange.
- McEwen, B. S. (2007). Physiology and neurobiology of stress and adaptation: central role of the brain. Physiological Reviews.
- Shapiro, F. (2018). Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy: Basic Principles, Protocols, and Procedures. Guilford Press.
- Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are. Guilford Press.
- Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence–From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. Basic Books.
