“I feel so overwhelmed that all I want to do on the weekend is get into bed and just stare at Netflix and eat freezer meals. I have no energy. No will. No self-regulation.”
“Do other people feel this bad? Does everyone else feel like each day is a rollercoaster they can’t get off of?”
To this last question – when asked some iteration of it by a therapy client or online course student – I say: it depends.
Life, in general, for most of us does feel like a rollercoaster of stretches of feeling calm, grounded and in control and then plunging down or climbing up stretches of irritation or overwhelm.
To a certain extent, I personally think that’s just life and feeling your feelings as you move through the world.
But, on the other hand, for those of us who come from relational trauma backgrounds, the proverbial rollercoaster ride of emotions may feel more intense; the plunges and climbs more pronounced, more frequent, and more unsettling.
In other words, we may have a harder time practicing self-regulation – a fundamental skill to coping with the proverbial rollercoaster of life in a better way.
We may struggle with this because we were not supported in developing these skills early on and/or our own unprocessed trauma may still be at play in our nervous systems.
Whatever the reason, learning (or re-learning) how to self-regulate is a fundamental biopsychosocial skill of relational trauma recovery and, in this two-part essay series (in today’s article and in the one coming out in two weeks), we’re going to explore two practical, implementable tools you can use to develop the skill of self-regulation and, proverbially speaking, ease your rollercoaster ride a little more.
Today, we’ll be exploring what self-regulation is, what the Window of Tolerance is, what the “Healthy Mind Platter” is, and why it’s important for self-regulation, and then lead you through some prompts to create your own “platter.”
What Is Self-Regulation?
Self-regulation is the ability to control your energy, feelings, ideas, and actions well.
It helps us deal with problems and is important for our well-being, relationships with others, and learning.
To develop self-regulation, we need to be aware of ourselves. Understand our emotions. Handle most things around us without stress. Get along with other people well. And stay focused.
But how do we know if we’re self-regulated?
We’re inside our Window of Tolerance, and our psychology and physiology have the hallmarks of the Window of Tolerance.
