I’ve been practicing therapy in Berkeley since 2013 and keeping track of the calls and emails I get every month since that time.
Inevitably, year after year, as I reflect on the trends, December is one of the busiest months of the year for me.
I say this not to celebrate busyness or to brag about my practice, but rather to illustrate a point that I imagine you may need to hear: the holidays are rough for many, many people. And that’s why, I personally believe, therapists get so busy around this time.
We talk a lot about holiday stress. The ramped-up social calendar, the added commitments and chores, the burden of airports, and delayed flights. And yes, all of this is true.
But what we don’t often talk about is how particularly triggering the holiday season can be. Especially if you come from a relational trauma background. And/or if relationships between you and your family-of-origin (or your partner’s family-of-origin) are strained. Estranged. And just plain painful to be around.
It’s not uncommon, in these situations, for folks to spend the entire calendar year dreading the winter holidays. It’s not uncommon to hate the holidays.
If this sounds like you, if you’re currently experiencing a subtle but steady sense of dread here in the midst of the holiday season, I want to remind you of 9 important points that may help steady you through this time.
Consider this post a digital permission slip of sorts if you’re struggling this holiday season.
9 Important Things To Remember If The Holidays Feel Hard For You
1) You get to dislike (or even hate) the holidays!
You’re not a scrooge, a Grinch, or a humbug if you don’t like the holiday season. Your dislike and discomfort with this time of the year is likely rooted in very valid reasons. There is no one right way to feel about this time of the year. Any way you feel about the holidays and this season is perfectly valid and more than okay. As much as possible, when you start to shame yourself, or if others start to “guilt you” for not liking the holidays more, please try to remember that your experience is valid no matter how it looks. You get to feel exactly how you feel about this time of year. Period.
2) You get to spend the holidays any darn way you please.
If you want to skip celebrating altogether, that’s fine and great. If you want to buy a tree and decorate it, send out cards to your best friends, that’s fine. If you want to pretend Christmas or Thanksgiving is just another day on the calendar with no special meaning, that’s fine and great.
