Maybe your father has passed. Or maybe he left when you were young. Maybe he’s still living but throughout your life could never be present for you emotionally, financially, spiritually, etc.
Maybe you chose to estrange yourself from him given his instability, toxicity, inability to provide you with safety, etc.. Or maybe you’re challenged by the way you’ve been a father yourself, and this holiday feels hard for you in that way. For whatever reason, many of us on Father’s Day – myself included – may feel sadness and disappointment that there’s no one we can proudly celebrate as “World’s Best Dad!” on Facebook today.
And that’s tough. I’m sorry many of us have had to experience this. Instead, I wish we had all had the experience of a present, kind, caring, honorable, and protective father that we’re truly excited about celebrating today.
But regardless of whether or not you’ve had a positive or negative fathering experience, I have a couple of thoughts about Father’s Day this year that I’d like to share in today’s blog post.
1) Feeling All the Feelings.
First of all, I invite you to pause for just a moment and actually acknowledge whatever feelings might be present for you around Father’s Day. As you know, it’s so important to recognize and feel our feelings and to validate our own inner experience especially when the message of this national holiday may say something different or contrary to how we’re actually feeling.
2) A Big Ol’ Permission Slip NOT To Enjoy This Day.
Next, and I really want you to hear this, YOU HAVE PERMISSION NOT TO ENJOY AND NOT TO CELEBRATE THIS DAY. At the risk of being a broken record, I’m going to share the same virtual permission slip I shared on my Mother’s Day post in May because it bears repeating:
“You have permission not to enjoy this holiday. You have permission to feel exactly how you feel about Father’s Day and to celebrate or not celebrate this day. You also have permission to do whatever you need and want to do on this day that actually supports you and your feelings versus what you think you should do.”
3) Acknowledge Yourself on Father’s Day.
Next, I invite you to acknowledge how far you’ve actually come despite the absence, loss, challenge of your early father-figure. It takes a lot of resilience, courage, and perseverance to move forward and build a life for yourself without the supportive presence of one or both primary attachment figures. You’ve made it this far and that’s remarkable.
4) Cultivate Healing Fathering Experiences.
While we can never wave a magic wand and undo or rewrite the past (or make our father any different from what he actually was/is), I strongly believe that it’s never, ever too late to seek out and let in healing experiences of re-parenting (and this applies to both mothering and fathering).
