Tools for Coping With Trauma In Our Self-Care Tool Chest.

Relational Trauma & Recovery • December 8, 2024

Self-soothing: 

Utilizing your five senses can help create a soothing environment. Listen to calming music, touch your own skin, take a warm bath, or enjoy a comforting scent (or, ideally, all of these at once!). Research shows how these multi-sensory experiences can provide immediate comfort and reduce distress.

Pros and cons: 

When facing distress, it can be helpful to weigh the pros and cons of tolerating it versus avoiding it. Write down the benefits and drawbacks of confronting your distress head-on compared to escaping it. This process can aid in making more rational decisions during stressful times (and I’ll say, rarely does the distress of avoiding ever outweigh the distress of confronting for me…).

IMPROVE the moment: 

This acronym stands for Imagery, Meaning, Prayer, Relaxation, One thing at a time, Vacation, and Encouragement. You can read more out this tool the IMPROVE the Moment technique. Techniques like visualizing a peaceful scene or taking a brief mental break can help improve your mental state during distress.

TIPP skills from DBT: 

TIPP stands for Temperature, Intense exercise, Paced breathing, and Progressive muscle relaxation. Splash cold water on your face, do some quick physical activity, or practice deep breathing to quickly lower emotional arousal.

Opposite action: 

Acting opposite to your emotion-driven urges can be incredibly effective coping tool. For example, if you feel like isolating yourself, try engaging with others instead by texting your friends or going outside and actually talking to that neighbor in their yard. Counter-intuitive though this may seem, it counteracts negative emotions and promotes positive behaviors.

Self-compassion: 

Obvious as it seems, be kind to yourself, especially during times of distress. Practice self-care and speak to yourself in a supportive and understanding way. This coping tool can help mitigate the effects of distress not to mention help rewire your neural pathways for more functional, adaptive thoughts and behaviors.

Grounding technique: 

Grounding involves focusing on the present by noticing physical sensations around you. This might include touching a textured object or listening to the sounds in your environment. Grounding can anchor you to the present moment and reduce distressing thoughts. I like to encourage my clients to wear fidget rings and/or have tactile objects on their desks like Kush balls or other fidget toys. Poppers like this are great.

Check the facts: 

Examine the accuracy of your distressing thoughts. Ask yourself if your thoughts are based on facts or assumptions. Ask the question, “Do I know with 100% certainty that this is true? 100% true?” Challenging and finding the lack of truth unhelpful thoughts can reduce distress.

Participating in activities you actually enjoy:

Stating the obvious here but try to do activities that bring you joy and satisfaction. Whether it’s video gaming, a Zoom and cocktail with girlfriends, or puttering in your kitchen listening to audiobooks (my personal fave), these activities can distract from distress and improve your mood (and also make you feel like you have a life).

Building mastery: 

Building a sense of competence and accomplishment can be very empowering. Set small, achievable goals and work towards them – level 1 in Duo Lingo then level 2 and so on… A one mile run at 4.5 mph, then 5 mph and so on… This increases self-confidence and reduces feelings of helplessness when you demonstrate to yourself both your agency and capacity for mastery.

Mental grounding:

Engage your prefrontal cortex and reduce the hijacking of your limbic system by thinking of categories such as musical instruments or types of trees and then listing as many as you can. Another method is to recite something you know by heart, like a poem or song (pick a long one like American Pie), which helps distract and center your thoughts (Side note: for anyone with kiddos, I like asking my daughter to list how many Disney Princesses she can name when she’s dysregulated…)

Use of humor: 

As a coping tool, Humor can be a great way to diffuse distress. Despite how much I love it, there’s a big difference in my mood and nervous system when I switch from binge watching Game of Thrones to watching The Office. Dose yourself with comedy as a distress tolerance coping skill (and to give yourself a break from the wonderful but usually mega heavy HBO goodness there is).

Dispel energy through rapid physical activity: 

True story, when I’m anxious before a big work meeting, I’ll do twenty jumping jacks in my office to try and dispel the adrenaline and cortisol coursing through me. Push ups or high knees would work well, too.

Behavioral activation: 

Actively engage in tasks aligned with your values and goals, even when feeling distressed. Like still making time to volunteer at your kiddo’s school despite feeling overwhelmed by your workload. This connection with your values can boost your mood and reduce your distress.

Exposure-based techniques: 

Gradually face distressing situations or thoughts instead of avoiding them. Over time, this builds tolerance to distress and reduces anxiety. Get a friend or your therapist to do it with you at first if it feels like too much to do it alone. This is like exercise number five but the action that follows the contemplation…

Breathing exercises: 

Another great coping tool? Practice deep and paced breathing exercises to calm the nervous system. Techniques like diaphragmatic breathing or 4-7-8 breathing can help reduce anxiety and improve emotional regulation.

Journaling: 

Maybe my favorite one on this whole list, journaling can be a powerful tool for managing distress and enhancing emotional well-being. By writing down your thoughts and feelings, you can gain insight into your emotions, identify patterns, and explore solutions to problems. I like to write down my problems and then try and brainstorm solutions (minimum five) to see if I can alleviate my anxiety about them.

When is it time to seek professional support for building your coping skills?

While building your personal toolkit of coping strategies is invaluable, many people with relational trauma find that working with a therapist helps them understand which tools work best for their unique nervous system and trauma history.

A skilled trauma therapist doesn’t just teach you coping techniques—they help you recognize your specific triggers, understand why certain situations feel so overwhelming, and develop personalized strategies that match your particular pattern of activation. In therapy, you can practice these coping tools in a safe environment, learning to trust that you can handle distress without being alone in it.

This supported practice is especially important if your relational trauma taught you that asking for help was dangerous or that you had to manage everything by yourself. For those considering this path, understanding if you are codependent can help clarify whether your coping patterns might be entangled with taking care of others at your own expense.

The therapeutic relationship itself becomes a coping resource—knowing you have someone steady and reliable to return to when life feels overwhelming, teaching your nervous system that support is available and that you don’t have to white-knuckle through distress alone anymore.

Wrapping up.

I hope that even one of these coping tools feels helpful for you to read about and add to your own self-care tool chest!

And now I’d love to hear from you in the comments below:

Of these coping tools I mentioned, which sounds like the most helpful for you to begin to practice? Is there another coping tool I didn’t mention on this list that is really supportive for you?

If you feel so inclined, please leave a message so our community of 30,000 blog readers can benefit from your share and wisdom.

Here’s to healing relational trauma and creating thriving lives on solid foundations.

Warmly,

Annie