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Quick Summary
- You experience trauma when events overwhelm your ability to cope, impacting your nervous system.
- Trauma is defined by its effect on you, not just the event itself.
- Unresolved trauma can leave lasting imprints that affect your emotional and relational health.
- Talking about trauma is essential for understanding and healing your personal experience.
Each and every week since I started practicing as a therapist well over a decade ago I get asked some iteration of the question:
SUMMARY
Trauma is one of those words that’s everywhere and still somehow misunderstood — used loosely to mean everything from minor disappointment to life-altering catastrophe. This post cuts through the noise with a clear-eyed explanation of what trauma actually is, what it does to the nervous system, and why the conversation matters so much for people ready to understand their own experience.
“Is what I went through traumatic? Do I need trauma therapy?”
It’s a question I have endless compassion for. Given that it’s a question I asked very early on in my own relational trauma recovery journey, too.
And while trauma is much more elevated as a conversation than it was eight years ago (when I first began writing online), I still find myself doing a lot of psychoeducation in my clinical work about what it is, what impacts can look like, and why talking about it matters so much.
So today’s essay is a summary of some of the key psychoeducational points I like to make.
I hope that reading this post helps you understand it as a concept more. And that it possibly helps you see yourself and your story more clearly.
First of all, what is trauma?
Definition
Trauma: Trauma is not defined by the event itself, but by the impact it has on the nervous system. It is the experience of an overwhelming event — or a pattern of events — that exceeds one’s capacity to cope, leaving a lasting imprint on how one thinks, feels, and relates to others.
Contrary to popular belief, trauma isn’t relegated to just a discrete set of experiences or incidents. (like a car crash or wartime conflict.)
Instead, it has a much more expansive definition.
It can be an event, series of events, or prolonged circumstances that are subjectively experienced by the individual who goes through it as physically, mentally, and emotionally harmful and/or life-threatening and that overwhelms this individual’s ability to effectively cope with what they went through.
Related reading: What does it mean to be an ambitious, upwardly mobile woman from a relational trauma background?
What kind of events and circumstances might lead to it?
Despite the subjective nature of what defines trauma, there are still several discreet definitions of traumatic experiences that might be helpful to widen the lens of this conversation even further:
- Acute Trauma: Acute trauma refers to a single-incident event. Such as experiencing a wildfire, car crash, school shooting, terrorist event, or house fire.
- Chronic Trauma: Chronic trauma is a set of experiences that are repeated and take place over time, such as enduring vicarious trauma on the job, middle school bullying, poverty, exposure to violence in the community, or long-term medical challenges.
- Complex Trauma: Complex trauma, is often called developmental or relational trauma. It is the kind that takes place over time in the context of a caretaking relationship. Usually between a parent and child. It happens when they fail to adequately support the child’s biopsychosocial development. Like ongoing neglect, sexual abuse, physical punishment, witnessing domestic violence. Or being raised by a personality- or mood-disordered parent takes place.
- Historical/Racial Trauma: This refers to the experiences of racially-driven oppression, targeting, harassment, and discrimination that groups of individuals have experienced over time. Generations after them still suffer the effects of.
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When we experience an event, series of events, or prolonged circumstances that overwhelm our ability to effectively cope, our body and brain are changed both temporarily and sometimes long-term.
How do our brain and body change?
When an event that feels life-threatening or deeply physically or emotionally unsafe occurs, our brain’s “reptilian” part (the limbic system, responsible for survival instincts and automatic bodily functions) takes over and the mammalian and neomammalian parts of our brain (responsible for emotional processing, cognitive processing, and decision making) go “offline” as we switch to pure survival mode.
We stay in this mode until the event or circumstance passes – which can certainly be helpful in surviving the moment!
Then, in some cases, after we move through scary situations, and even if our body and brain respond this way, we’re later able to properly “metabolize” and “digest” the experiences we went through cognitively, emotionally, and physically, leaving us with no maladaptive trauma symptoms.
But at other times, when we aren’t adequately supported (either internally or externally) to make sense of and process the hardship we went through, our brains and the cells of our bodies are left with an imprint and impact of the experiences we endured and we may be left with a host of biopsychosocial consequences that impede our ability to move effectively through our lives, post-trauma.
What are some of the impacts and imprints of unresolved trauma?
- Depression and/or anxiety (including generalized anxiety);
- Irritability and being very short-tempered, having a short fuse;
- Loss of interest in things that used to bring you pleasure, or in life itself;
- Numbing through substances and behaviors, repeatedly and compulsively;
- Trouble concentrating, focusing, and self-organizing;
- Insomnia and challenges sleeping (including nightmares);
- Feeling emotionally flooded and overwhelmed very easily;
- An inability to visualize a future (let alone a positive future);
- Hopelessness and a sense of despair;
- Shame, a sense that you’re worthless;
- Few or no memories, feeling like your childhood is a fog or a big blank;
- Hypervigilance, exaggerated startle response, and general mistrust;
- Body symptoms such as aches, pains, headaches, GI issues, muscle rigidity;
- Substance abuse and eating disorders;
- Self-harming or destructive behaviors such as cutting or burning;
- Feeling like you have no true self, like you don’t know who you really are.
- And more.
Very importantly, you can have endured trauma and have unresolved trauma impacts playing out in your life and still be “high functioning” and academically, professionally, and financially accomplished.
It’s a common myth – alongside the myth that it is only what war veterans go through – that if you have unresolved trauma symptoms, you must be “low functioning” and barely able to hold down a job, make it through your days, and function well in life.
Related reading: Attachment Trauma: How Early Relationships Shape Your Adult Connections
Of course, sometimes that is true.
But what’s also true is that you can be a tech founder, a high-powered lawyer, an active mom, or a student in a top Ph.D. program and still have unresolved trauma symptoms.
You likely just feel like you’re building a house on quicksand and have found a range of ways to cope and adapt around your trauma impacts.
Because when we see a thing more clearly – in this case, a wider, subjective lens of trauma and examples of unresolved trauma impacts – we can perhaps see ourselves and our stories more clearly and therefore get the targeted, expert help we need to actually, truly resolve our trauma symptoms.
Because, yes, it’s possible to resolve trauma symptoms no matter how long-standing they are.
BUT, very importantly, this does require the right kind of support.
And in this case, those who endured trauma and who have unresolved trauma impacts at play in their own lives need trauma therapy – not just general talk therapy.
Trauma therapy that takes place with a licensed mental health professional who has had advanced training in evidence-based trauma treatment modalities such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) or Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT) can effectively, efficiently, and skillfully resolve the maladaptive biopsychosocial impacts of your trauma.
Related reading: Trauma and Relationships: When Your Professional Strengths Become Your Relationship Blindspots
Understanding Why Trauma Therapy Is Different
When unresolved trauma symptoms affect your daily life—whether through emotional flooding, chronic numbness, or that persistent feeling of building on quicksand—specialized trauma therapy offers what general talk therapy cannot: direct intervention at the neurobiological level where trauma lives.
A trauma-trained therapist understands that what even is trauma and how do I know if mine counts isn’t about comparing suffering but recognizing when experiences overwhelmed your nervous system’s capacity to cope. Through evidence-based approaches like EMDR, which uses bilateral stimulation to reprocess traumatic memories, or TF-CBT, which addresses trauma-related cognitions and behaviors, your therapist helps your brain finally metabolize what got stuck—sometimes decades ago—in pure survival mode.
The therapeutic process differs fundamentally from traditional therapy because trauma isn’t just a story you tell but an embodied experience stored in your limbic system, muscle memory, and cellular imprints. Your trauma therapist works simultaneously with your narrative (what happened), your nervous system (how your body still responds), and your belief systems (what you concluded about yourself and safety).
They understand that high-functioning clients—the successful lawyers, devoted parents, accomplished students—often need different approaches than those barely managing, recognizing that sophisticated coping mechanisms can actually make trauma harder to access and treat.
Most importantly, trauma therapy provides the internal and external support that was absent when the original overwhelming experiences occurred, allowing your brain to finally complete the interrupted processing.
This isn’t about endlessly talking about trauma but about systematically updating your nervous system’s outdated survival programming, proving through repeated therapeutic experiences that the danger has passed, that you survived, and that your symptoms—no matter how long-standing—can resolve when given the right specialized support your system has been waiting for.
Here’s to healing relational trauma and creating thriving lives on solid foundations.
Warmly,
Annie
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Frequently Asked Questions
What is the difference between a traumatic event and a trauma response?
A traumatic event is any experience that overwhelms the nervous system’s capacity to process and integrate. A trauma response is what happens in the body and mind as a result — the activation of survival responses (fight, flight, freeze, fawn), disruption of the window of tolerance, and the encoding of threat-related patterns in the nervous system. The same event may be traumatic for one person and not for another, depending on their nervous system, support resources, and prior history.
Why is talking about trauma important?
Language gives shape to experience. When people can name what happened to them — not just as a difficult life event but as something that had a real, documented impact on their nervous system and sense of self — it shifts the question from ‘What’s wrong with me?’ to ‘What happened to me?’ That shift is the beginning of genuine self-understanding and, often, genuine healing.
What types of experiences count as trauma?
Trauma can result from single-incident events (accidents, assaults, disasters) and from chronic, cumulative experiences (relational trauma, developmental neglect, ongoing abuse). Both ‘big-T’ and ‘small-t’ traumas are real and have real physiological effects. The nervous system doesn’t grade experiences by external severity; it responds to what it could or couldn’t integrate.
Can trauma be healed?
Yes — there is substantial evidence that trauma can be processed and integrated, leading to genuine recovery. Effective approaches include EMDR, somatic experiencing, IFS, attachment-focused therapy, and a range of body-based modalities. Complete erasure of the experience isn’t the goal; building the capacity to live with it, integrate it, and move forward without being constantly governed by it is.
How do I know if I’ve experienced trauma?
Rather than starting with an event inventory, start with your current functioning: Do you experience intrusive thoughts or images related to past experiences? Do you have strong activation responses (flooding, shutting down, dissociation) in situations that seem to reference your past? Do you struggle with trust, emotional regulation, or a stable sense of self? These patterns are worth exploring with a trauma-informed professional.
This is part of our comprehensive guide on this topic. For the full picture, read: Childhood Trauma: A Therapist’s Complete Guide.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post is for psychoeducational and informational purposes only and does not constitute therapy, clinical advice, or a therapist-client relationship. For full details, please read our Medical Disclaimer. If you are in crisis, please call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line).
You deserve a life that feels as good as it looks. Let’s work on that together.
References
- Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence—From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. Basic Books.
- American Psychiatric Association (2013). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed.). American Psychiatric Publishing.
- Courtois, C. A., & Ford, J. D. (2009). Treating Complex Traumatic Stress Disorders (Adults): Scientific Foundations and Therapeutic Models. Guilford Press.
- van der Kolk, B. A. (2005). Developmental Trauma Disorder: Toward a rational diagnosis for children with complex trauma histories. Psychiatric Annals.
- Brave Heart, M. Y. H. (2003). The Historical Trauma Response Among Natives and Its Relationship with Substance Abuse: A Lakota Illustration. Journal of Psychoactive Drugs.
- MacLean, P. D. (1990). The Triune Brain in Evolution: Role in Paleocerebral Functions. Plenum Press.
- van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin Books.
- Shapiro, F. (2018). Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy: Basic Principles, Protocols, and Procedures. Guilford Press.
- Levine, P. A. (2010). In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness. North Atlantic Books.
- Siegel, D. J. (1999). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are. Guilford Press.
- Bonanno, G. A. (2004). Loss, Trauma, and Human Resilience: Have We Underestimated the Human Capacity to Thrive After Extremely Aversive Events?. American Psychologist.
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About the Author
Annie Wright, LMFT
Annie Wright, LMFT helps ambitious women finally feel as good as their resume looks.
As a licensed psychotherapist, trauma-informed executive coach, and relational trauma specialist with over 15,000 clinical hours, she guides ambitious women — including Silicon Valley leaders, physicians, and entrepreneurs — in repairing the psychological foundations beneath their impressive lives. Annie is the founder and former CEO of Evergreen Counseling, a multimillion-dollar trauma-informed therapy center she built, scaled, and successfully exited. A regular contributor to Psychology Today, her expert commentary has appeared in Forbes, Business Insider, Inc., NBC, and The Information. She is currently writing her first book with W.W. Norton.
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