People who come from a childhood trauma background comparing themselves to peers who didn’t and beating themselves up for not being further ahead in life or at the same level as their peers.
This, obviously, is super painful for those who are comparing themselves to others and finding themselves lacking.
But it also doesn’t and cannot make sense for physiological and psychological reasons.
In today’s post, I want to tell you why this doesn’t make sense and share with you what kind of comparison (if any) is going to make more sense instead if you yourself come from a traumatic childhood background.
What is childhood trauma?
Childhood trauma. Those words, for many of us, evoke a sense of heaviness and somberness. And rightly so.
But they are also sometimes very misunderstood words.
In my experience as a therapist, the idea of what defines trauma is sometimes not very well understood.
Trauma, by definition, is an event or series of events that occur and where one’s coping abilities fail to metabolize and process the emotional impact of such events.
Childhood trauma isn’t “only” isolated, more easily-pinpointed events like a kidnapping, a car crash, a scary surgery, or being assaulted by a parent. (I say “only” because I don’t intend to diminish any of these events in the slightest! Rather, I want to highlight the singularity and traumatic obviousness of such events.)
Childhood trauma can also involve more complex, protracted, less easily pinpointable traumas that come in the form of repeated, persistent, prolonged events involving physical, emotional, or mental abandonment, neglect, or abuse most often by a caregiver or by those in a position of authority over the child.
For example, parenting that consistently made you feel physically and psychologically unsafe, chronic poverty, disownment by a parent figure, perpetual emotional, mental and physical boundary crossings by guardians, coaches, grandparents, your church leaders, etc..
The impact of childhood trauma.
Trauma – whether isolated and singular or protracted and complex – can have very profound effects on the physiological and psychological development of the child who undergoes it, especially when and if parent figures, authorities, and caregivers are the perpetrators and/or fail to recognize what has happened and help the child process and metabolize the stressors.
In their attempts to cope, survivors of childhood trauma often have a host of physiological and psychological impacts that can last into adulthood including, but not limited to:
- Loss of safety and trust. Especially in your parents if they were your abusers. But also a loss of safety and trust in the world. Believing the world to be a dangerous scary place where anything can happen. As well as a loss of safety and trust in relationships in general.
- Flashbacks and re-enactments. Actual memories of traumatic events and/or disproportionate responses to triggering events that unconsciously remind you of/reenact past experiences.
