PERSONAL GROWTH
Things I'm Loving That Help Me Feel More Connected.
Do you remember the children’s book, From the Mixed-up Files of Mrs. If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it (and yes, of course, we adults still get to read children’s books!). I mention it because I always loved the visual of the character Mrs.
Do you remember the children’s book, From the Mixed-up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler*? If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it (and yes, of course, we adults still get to read children’s books!). I mention it because I always loved the visual of the character Mrs. Frankweiler’s eccentric and exhaustive files, full of information, treasures, clues, and resources that were ripe for discovery, especially by the two children in the book.
SUMMARY
Connection — to yourself, to others, to something larger than your daily to-do list — is not a luxury. For women with relational trauma histories or nervous system dysregulation, building deliberate practices and sources of connection is genuine psychological work. This post shares specific things that support felt connection, for women who want more of it and aren’t sure where to start.
Ever since I read this book, I’ve loved being a bit of a curator in my own life, actively seeking out and asking for recommendations of resources, activities, and ideas that could possibly support, help, and transform my life and those lives around me.
Treasures for my own files, if you will.
So, in the spirit of sharing some of my “files,” I wanted to share with you some gems I’ve recently found. One to read, one to listen to, and one to watch – all wrapped around the theme of “feeling less alone.”
Something I’m sure many of us are longing for, particularly in this day and age.
My hope is that the resources will help you feel a little more compassion if you’re feeling different, other, or alone right now.
And that by exploring one or all of them, you’ll feel just a little more connected to yourself, to your heart and your truth, to your significant other or your community of friends, and possibly even to your Higher Power or greater purpose.
#1. You’re Not Alone In the Struggles Of Your Relationship: Esther Perel’s New Audible Series
RELATIONAL TRAUMA
Relational trauma refers to psychological injury that occurs within the context of important relationships, particularly those with primary caregivers during childhood. Unlike single-incident trauma, relational trauma involves repeated experiences of emotional neglect, inconsistency, manipulation, or abuse within bonds where safety and trust should have been foundational.
Definition
Connection & Wellbeing: Social connection is not a luxury — it is a biological need. Neuroscience confirms that belonging and relational attunement are essential to nervous system regulation, immune function, and psychological wellbeing. Investing in connection is an evidence-based act of self-care.
As a therapist, I believe that most of us feel like we’re struggling or failing in our romantic relationships at some point or another.
And most of us feel like we’re the only ones feeling this disconnected, confused, resentful, guarded or shutdown.
We tend to think everyone else has it figured out; we’re the ones who don’t.
Which, of course, isn’t true. But it’s a wildly pervasive and heavy thought.
That’s why I’m absolutely loving this new podcast from famed couples counselor, intimacy expert, and psychotherapist Esther Perel, as she firmly puts these ideas to rest.
In her new Audible series, Where Should We Begin?, Esther Perel invites real-live couples into a session with her to work through some of their most pressing issues, including rebuilding trust and intimacy after an affair, feeling connected through raising children, feeling “put off” by the personality of their mate, etc.
This series is different and special because, in my opinion, hearing the voices of real people articulating their experiences, steeped in raw emotion in the moment, is so much more relatable and visceral than reading someone describing what couples are going through.
Plus you get to hear the interventions and commentary of a master couples therapist which, even to this seasoned couples therapist, is illuminating and powerful!
Check out the new podcast through Audible, you may just feel less alone in your relationship struggles after listening to this.
#2. You’re Not Alone in Speaking Your Truth: Brené Brown’s Newest Book, Braving the Wilderness
A Reason to Keep Going
25 pages of what I actually say to clients when they are in the dark. Somatic tools, cognitive anchors, and 40 grounded, honest reasons to stay. No platitudes.
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“We are most alive when we find the courage to be vulnerable and to connect.”— Brené Brown, PhD, LCSW, The Gifts of Imperfection
BRENÉ BROWN
Social science researcher, professor, author, vulnerability expert, and cultural icon Brené Brown’s books are always brilliant and I recommend all of them (yes, really!) but her newest is beyond timely.
In Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and The Courage to Stand Alone*, Brené digs deep to unearth the social science of how we feel connected or disconnected to one another and how we can shift our behavior through evidence-based steps to feel more connected to one another and, arguably more importantly, to ourselves.
Brené blends her signature combination of warmth, relatability, storytelling, and research to help us the readers see why this topic matters, how when we speak our truth and stand apart from the crowd (whether this is in our family or the Patriarchy), we may risk disconnection from the other, but we move closer to connection with ourselves.
In a time of what Brené calls a “spiritual crisis of disconnection” in our society, learning how to feel more connected to yourself and more capable of connecting to others (particularly those who don’t share your perspective!) has never been more important. In your romantic relationship, in your home, in your workplace, in your local city council meeting, in the country, etc..
So grab a copy of this wonderful book and experience how Brené marries research and compassion to show us how to weather this crisis and, indeed, to shift course.
I particularly recommend you read this if you need a big dose of courage to keep speaking and living out your truth even though your voice is shaking. It’s like having someone hold your hand.
True belonging requires us to believe in and belong to ourselves so fully that we can find sacredness both in being a part of something and in standing alone when necessary. But in a culture that’s rife with perfectionism and pleasing, and with the erosion of civility, it’s easy to stay quiet, hide in our ideological bunkers, or fit in rather than show up as our true selves and brave the wilderness of uncertainty and criticism. But true belonging is not something we negotiate or accomplish with others; it’s a daily practice that demands integrity and authenticity. It’s a personal commitment that we carry in our hearts.
– Brené Brown
#3. You’re Not Alone As A Woman: Women & Spirituality, The Goddess Trilogy.
In this time, of all times, you may feel less and less safe and supported being a woman in the world, particularly a woman who is standing up, speaking her mind, and advocating for her beliefs.
That’s why I want to recommend you check out the Women & Spirituality: The Goddess Trilogy.
A series of three, short, sociopolitical documentary movies produced in 1989 by Canadian filmmaker Donna Reed, The Goddess Trilogy traces and explores women’s spirituality and social and political acceptance and rejection across 35,000 years of history with themes that may feel remarkably relevant especially today.
Whether you are an atheist, Christian, Pagan, Muslim, Jew, agnostic, or none of the above, you do not have to believe in the women’s spirituality movement to benefit from the possible comfort that may come from watching what our matrilineal ancestors went through in the course of trying to live out their spiritual and world beliefs, tending (or attempting to tend) to their small corner of the world in the face of systemic, endemic oppression.
In my opinion, sometimes watching the stories of others (in this case, the multitude of stories as captured by a giant arc of history) can be heartening, enlivening, clarifying, and emboldening in a way that little else can be.
So if you have recently or ever felt alone and other for being a woman advocating for her beliefs in a world that would rather see you stay silent, I heartily recommend you check out this trio of films (viewable by streaming through Gaia TV).
I imagine you’ll feel much less alone and much more connected to yourself and, indeed, to women in general after watching these films.
What would you add to this list?
I hope you found these recommendations helpful! Now I would love to hear from you in the comments below:
What’s one resource — a book, movie, podcast, etc. — that you would recommend in this theme of “feeling less alone”? What has personally helped you navigate feeling less alone in your relationship, family, friendship circles, or simply as a woman in the world?
Leave a message in the comments below so our community of blog readers can benefit from your wisdom.
Here’s to healing relational trauma and creating thriving lives on solid foundations.
Warmly,
Annie
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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post is for psychoeducational and informational purposes only and does not constitute therapy, clinical advice, or a therapist-client relationship. For full details, please read our Medical Disclaimer. If you are in crisis, please call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line).
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References
- Cacioppo, J. T., & Cacioppo, S. (2018). The growing problem of loneliness. The Lancet.
- Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. PLoS Medicine.
- Perel, E. (2017–present). Where Should We Begin? (Podcast). Audible Studios.
- Brown, B. (2017). Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone. Random House.
- Reed, D. (1989). The Goddess Trilogy (Documentary Films). Produced by Donna Reed.
- Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation. Norton.
- Schore, A. N. (2001). The effects of early relational trauma on right brain development, affect regulation, and infant mental health. Infant Mental Health Journal.
- Primack, B. A., Shensa, A., Sidani, J. E., Whaite, E. O., Lin, L., Rosen, D., Colditz, J. B., Radovic, A., & Miller, E. (2017). Social Media Use and Perceived Social Isolation Among Young Adults in the U.S.. American Journal of Preventive Medicine.
Relational trauma can manifest as chronic self-doubt, difficulty asking for what you need, or a persistent sense of not being ‘enough’ in relationships. You might find yourself either clinging to connections out of fear or pushing people away to avoid vulnerability. These patterns are often invisible to us because they feel like ‘just how I am.’
Many approaches to therapy focus on insight and understanding, which is valuable, but healing relational trauma also requires working with the body and the nervous system. If your therapy hasn’t addressed the somatic (body-based) dimensions of your experience, or if it hasn’t provided a corrective relational experience, you might find that understanding your patterns isn’t enough to change them.
Healing from relational trauma doesn’t mean forgetting the past or never feeling triggered. It means developing a more regulated nervous system, a more secure sense of self, and the capacity for more authentic and fulfilling relationships. It looks like being able to feel your feelings without being overwhelmed, to ask for what you need, and to experience genuine connection.
Relational trauma is often not about a single event, but about the cumulative impact of ongoing relational experiences, such as emotional unavailability, inconsistency, criticism, or neglect. You might recognize it in persistent patterns of self-doubt, difficulty with intimacy, or a chronic sense of not being safe or worthy in relationships.
The first step is often developing awareness and compassion for yourself. Recognizing that your patterns developed as adaptations to difficult circumstances, rather than as character flaws, is a crucial foundation. From there, finding a skilled, trauma-informed therapist who can provide a safe and attuned relational experience is often the most powerful next step.
Further Reading on Relational Trauma
Explore Annie’s clinical writing on relational trauma recovery.
A Reason to Keep Going
25 pages of what I actually say to clients when they are in the dark. Somatic tools, cognitive anchors, and 40 grounded, honest reasons to stay. No platitudes.
What would it mean to finally have the right support?
A complimentary consultation to discuss what you are navigating and whether working together makes sense.
BOOK A COMPLIMENTARY CONSULTATIONAnnie Wright
LMFT · 15,000+ Clinical Hours · W.W. Norton Author · Psychology Today ColumnistAnnie Wright is a licensed psychotherapist, relational trauma specialist, and the founder and successfully exited CEO of a large California trauma-informed therapy center. A W.W. Norton published author, she writes the weekly Substack Strong & Stable and her work and expert opinions have appeared in NPR, NBC, Forbes, Business Insider, The Boston Globe, and The Information.
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