Most of us women have a list of these “too much” messages a mile long, messages delivered explicitly or implicitly, well-intended or ill-intended across childhood, adolescence, and our adult years.
These messages may have come from our families, our teachers, our coaches, our siblings and peers, and then later, our lovers, co-workers, and even our in-laws. And certainly, all of us growing up as a woman in this world received some version of these messages from society as a collective.
At it’s core, each message delivered a warning: “You’re too much. STOP.”
And many times, we likely listened. Because when everyone around us is telling us we’re too this or that, it’s hard to not believe, isn’t it?
But what if you weren’t too much? What if it said far more about the people delivering the messages than about you? What if you could believe something different and really embrace your “muchness”?
In today’s post I want to tell you about the one critical question you need to ask if you’ve ever been told you’re too much, why it is a personal and political issue, talk with you about reclaiming your “muchness,” and share a list of nourishing resources to help counteract those damaging messages.
Too much for who?
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
– Carl Jung
The single most important question you can ask yourself if ever you’ve been delivered the message, “you’re too much!” is this: “Too much for who?”
You need to consider the source and context of who exactly it is delivering the message. And then be curious: Is it someone who was also taught to keep herself small? Someone who swallowed whole the belief that a woman can only take up so much space? Is it someone who personally feels threatened by anger and therefore reacts strongly when you show anger?
Bottom line: If someone is giving you the message that you’re “too much” in some way, be aware that that person has likely disowned that part within themselves and is now projecting that unwanted attribute/characteristic onto you. In this way, it says far more about the person delivering the message and what they believe is acceptable or unacceptable for themselves than it does about you personally.
Look, we’re all products of our experience. And if the person telling you that “you’re too much” was conditioned to believe his or her own deep and strong feelings, needs, wants, dreams and hungers were “too much,” it’s likely she will unconsciously project this message onto you.
That’s what we as humans do. We project all over one another if we don’t make the unconscious conscious.
