“For trauma survivors, developing a toolkit of self-regulation and self-care strategies is essential. These tools provide a way to manage overwhelming emotions and reclaim a sense of safety and control in their lives.” – Janina Fisher, Ph.D.

In this fourth piece of a five part series (parts 1, 2, and 3 are here) on the fundamental tools that should be in our self-care tool chests when we come from relational trauma backgrounds, we explore yet another proverbial drawer: coping tools.

What even are coping tools?

I gave a high level overview of this in my first piece in this series, but, to reiterate again, coping tools, in essence, refer to the in-the-moment strategies and techniques individuals use to manage really challenging, big feeling situations.

And for those of us from relational trauma backgrounds, really challenging situations can be “objectively” small moments that subjectively feel huge and overwhelming (especially before we’ve done more of our trauma processing work in stage two of the trauma treatment model).

So it behooves all of us from trauma backgrounds to have a really rich and full drawer of coping tools since we’ll likely be using them A LOT.

I’ve written about many, many coping tools before here and here but in today’s piece, I’m going to share a list of even more coping strategies – many derived from DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) and CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), two gold standard therapies for distress reduction.

Twenty coping tools for your self-care tool chest

1. Mindfulness practice: Mindfulness is about being fully present in the moment without judgment. By simply observing your thoughts and feelings without reacting to them, you can cultivate a sense of calm and reduce the impact of distressing emotions. Try to take a few minutes each day to practice this awareness, noticing your breath or the sensations around you. Honestly, I think 30 seconds counts…
   
2. Radical acceptance: Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to LIKE your situation, but acknowledging reality as it is can significantly reduce your distress. Embrace your current situation without trying to change it, and you may find that your frustration decreases. Remember, acceptance is about facing facts, not about giving up. You can still work towards change!
   
3. Distraction techniques: When emotions become overwhelming, sometimes the best approach is to give your mind a break (honestly probably my favorite technique!). Engage in activities like reading, watching a few minutes of Netflix, or pursuing a hobby (like 10 minutes of Duo Lingo) to temporarily shift your focus and lower the emotional intensity.
   
4. Self-soothing: Utilizing your five senses can help create a soothing environment. Listen to calming music, touch your own skin, take a warm bath, or enjoy a comforting scent (or, ideally, all of these at once!). Research shows how these multi-sensory experiences can provide immediate comfort and reduce distress.
   
5. Pros and cons: When facing distress, it can be helpful to weigh the pros and cons of tolerating it versus avoiding it. Write down the benefits and drawbacks of confronting your distress head-on compared to escaping it. This process can aid in making more rational decisions during stressful times (and I’ll say, rarely does the distress of avoiding ever outweigh the distress of confronting for me…).
   
6. IMPROVE the moment: This acronym stands for Imagery, Meaning, Prayer, Relaxation, One thing at a time, Vacation, and Encouragement. You can read more out this tool here. Techniques like visualizing a peaceful scene or taking a brief mental break can help improve your mental state during distress.
   
7. TIPP skills from DBT: TIPP stands for Temperature, Intense exercise, Paced breathing, and Progressive muscle relaxation. Splash cold water on your face, do some quick physical activity, or practice deep breathing to quickly lower emotional arousal.
   
8. Opposite action: Acting opposite to your emotion-driven urges can be incredibly effective coping tool. For example, if you feel like isolating yourself, try engaging with others instead by texting your friends or going outside and actually talking to that neighbor in their yard. Counter-intuitive though this may seem, it counteracts negative emotions and promotes positive behaviors.
   
9. Self-compassion: Obvious as it seems, be kind to yourself, especially during times of distress. Practice self-care and speak to yourself in a supportive and understanding way. This coping tool can help mitigate the effects of distress not to mention help rewire your neural pathways for more functional, adaptive thoughts and behaviors.
   
10. Grounding technique: Grounding involves focusing on the present by noticing physical sensations around you. This might include touching a textured object or listening to the sounds in your environment. Grounding can anchor you to the present moment and reduce distressing thoughts. I like to encourage my clients to wear fidget rings and/or have tactile objects on their desks like Kush balls or other fidget toys. Poppers like this are great.
    
11. Check the facts: Examine the accuracy of your distressing thoughts. Ask yourself if your thoughts are based on facts or assumptions. Ask the question, “Do I know with 100% certainty that this is true? 100% true?” Challenging and finding the lack of truth unhelpful thoughts can reduce distress.
    
12. Participating in activities you actually enjoy: Stating the obvious here but try to do activities that bring you joy and satisfaction. Whether it’s video gaming, a Zoom and cocktail with girlfriends, or puttering in your kitchen listening to audiobooks (my personal fave), these activities can distract from distress and improve your mood (and also make you feel like you have a life).
    
13. Building mastery: Building a sense of competence and accomplishment can be very empowering. Set small, achievable goals and work towards them – level 1 in Duo Lingo then level 2 and so on… A one mile run at 4.5 mph, then 5 mph and so on… This increases self-confidence and reduces feelings of helplessness when you demonstrate to yourself both your agency and capacity for mastery.
    
14. Mental grounding: Engage your prefrontal cortex and reduce the hijacking of your limbic system by thinking of categories such as musical instruments or types of trees and then listing as many as you can. Another method is to recite something you know by heart, like a poem or song (pick a long one like American Pie), which helps distract and center your thoughts (Side note: for anyone with kiddos, I like asking my daughter to list how many Disney Princesses she can name when she’s dysregulated…)
    
15. Use of humor: As a coping tool, Humor can be a great way to diffuse distress. Despite how much I love it, there’s a big difference in my mood and nervous system when I switch from binge watching Game of Thrones to watching The Office. Dose yourself with comedy as a distress tolerance coping skill (and to give yourself a break from the wonderful but usually mega heavy HBO goodness there is).
    
16. Dispel energy through rapid physical activity: True story, when I’m anxious before a big work meeting, I’ll do twenty jumping jacks in my office to try and dispel the adrenaline and cortisol coursing through me. Push ups or high knees would work well, too. 
    
17. Behavioral activation: Actively engage in tasks aligned with your values and goals, even when feeling distressed. Like still making time to volunteer at your kiddo’s school despite feeling overwhelmed by your workload. This connection with your values can boost your mood and reduce your distress.
    
18. Exposure-based techniques: Gradually face distressing situations or thoughts instead of avoiding them. Over time, this builds tolerance to distress and reduces anxiety. Get a friend or your therapist to do it with you at first if it feels like too much to do it alone. This is like exercise number five but the action that follows the contemplation…
    
19. Breathing exercises: Another great coping tool? Practice deep and paced breathing exercises to calm the nervous system. Techniques like diaphragmatic breathing or 4-7-8 breathing can help reduce anxiety and improve emotional regulation.
    
20. Journaling: Maybe my favorite one on this whole list, journaling can be a powerful tool for managing distress and enhancing emotional well-being. By writing down your thoughts and feelings, you can gain insight into your emotions, identify patterns, and explore solutions to problems. I like to write down my problems and then try and brainstorm solutions (minimum five) to see if I can alleviate my anxiety about them.

I hope that even one of these coping tools feels helpful for you to read about and add to your own self-care tool chest! 

And now I’d love to hear from you in the comments below:

Of these coping tools I mentioned, which sounds like the most helpful for you to begin to practice? Is there another coping tool I didn’t mention on this list that is really supportive for you?

If you feel so inclined, please leave a message so our community of 30,000 blog readers can benefit from your share and wisdom.

Finally, as you contemplate beginning relational trauma therapy to recover from your own trauma symptoms, I would strongly encourage you to work with a licensed mental health professional who is also trained in an evidence-based trauma modality (like EMDR).

If you’re in California or Florida and ready to begin high-quality, trauma-informed therapy, my team and I at Evergreen Counseling can help. Book a complimentary consultation with our clinical intake director, and she’ll match you to the therapist who’s the best fit for you personally, clinically, and logistically. (It may even be me!)

Wherever you live, join the waitlist for my upcoming course, “Fixing the Foundations.” It’s designed to transform entrenched survival patterns into authentic inner steadiness through a multi-phase, neuroscience-backed approach.

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Thank you for being here. Until next time, please take such good care of yourself. You’re so worth it.

Warmly,

Annie

 

References

1. Linehan, M. M. (2010). DBT? Applying dialectical behavior therapy skills to suicidal behavior. NCBI. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2963469/
2. American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). In PTSD Treatment Guidelines for Patients and Families. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/patients-and-families/cognitive-behavioral
3. DBT Self Help. (n.d.). Improve the moment. Retrieved from https://dbtselfhelp.com/improve-the-moment/
4. Dialectical Behavior Therapy. (n.d.). TIPP skill. Retrieved from https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/distress-tolerance/tipp/
5. The Office (American TV series). (2023, September 2). In Wikipedia. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Office_(American_TV_series)