How do you know if you have poor boundaries and you need to improve them?
Today’s post is a list of 15 signs that your boundaries need work along with some additional information about what boundaries are, and why they’re so darn important.
What exactly is a boundary and why are they so important?
“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.” – Brené Brown, Ph.D.
So what exactly is a boundary?
I’m sure most of us when quizzed, will be able to somewhat know and understand what boundaries generally are.
A sign that says “Do Not Enter.”
A beautiful New England rock wall fence that separates your neighbor’s property from yours.
The hours of operation for a business.
Country border entry and exit points.
All of these are all well-understood and fairly obvious examples of spatial and logistical boundaries that most of us more or less accept, respect, and understand.
But when it comes to our personal lives, boundaries aren’t always so clear.
Personal boundaries are often more subtle, nuanced, and hard to understand.
But here’s how I want you to think of them:
Boundaries are the invisible, ever-changing protective fences of our lives.
They help let in what’s good and help keep out what’s not.
Moreover, they help keep us from negatively impacting others.
Good boundaries can positively impact everything from our energy levels to our sense of esteem, to our bank accounts and the quality of our relationships.
Conversely, poor boundaries can negatively impact each of those same content areas.
Because they’re so omnipresent, because they’re so universally impactful, this is why I consider boundaries a cornerstone psychological habit that each of us must master.
Ideally, we grow up in homes where healthy and appropriate boundaries are modeled and explicitly taught.
But if we don’t, it’s never too late to work on your boundaries and develop the skill of having and holding good, functional boundaries as you move through the world.
In fact, this is what I teach in my signature online course.
But how do you even know if you need to work on your boundaries?
How do you know if your boundaries are poor and you may need to invest some time and energy into improving them?
Here are 15 of the most common signs that your boundaries are, in some way, poor, porous, or in need of work.
15 signs that your boundaries need work.
“Talking to her is like swimming in a sea and being stung repeatedly by an enormous jellyfish.” – Bridget Jones
- You feel resentful. Resentment is a complex feeling state that often signals we have a sense of having been “wronged” by someone. Examples include taking on more responsibilities than you would prefer at your child’s school and then feeling bitter as you move through the activities. You resent having been asked and you resent the time and energy it’s taking.
