RELATIONAL TRAUMA
A Therapist's Top 10 Tips For Supporting Your Mental Health.
As a therapist, I’m often asked for the top tips I have in supporting mental health. Mental health requires the same proactive care as physical health — it doesn’t just manage itself.
As a therapist, I’m often asked for the top tips I have in supporting mental health.
SUMMARY
Mental health requires the same proactive care as physical health — it doesn’t just manage itself. A therapist shares 10 foundational strategies, from building a care team to addressing the roots of distress, that help driven women create real, lasting wellbeing rather than just coping with symptoms.
Definition
Mental Health Maintenance: An ongoing, proactive set of practices that support psychological wellbeing — not just the absence of crisis. For women with relational trauma or driven, ambitious lifestyles, this includes nervous system regulation, relational support, and processing childhood patterns that fuel chronic stress.
First of all, I love this question — it means that, for whoever asks it, mental health is actually considered a priority which I absolutely believe it should be!
Next, while I believe that we each have our own unique needs, wants, and preferences when it comes to cultivating and maintaining robust mental health, I do have 10 tips that I think almost anyone could benefit from.
So keep reading to see if you could implement any of these 10 tips to support your own mental health.
A Therapist’s Top 10 Tips For Supporting Your Mental Health.
RELATIONAL TRAUMA
Relational trauma refers to psychological injury that occurs within the context of important relationships, particularly those with primary caregivers during childhood. Unlike single-incident trauma, relational trauma involves repeated experiences of emotional neglect, inconsistency, manipulation, or abuse within bonds where safety and trust should have been foundational.
1. First, recognize and realize that mental health is every single bit as important as physical health.
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
RUMI
In assigning mental health the importance it deserves, it can make it far easier and more motivating to seek out and build supports to manage your own mental health.
2. Put together your mental health care team.
TAKE THE QUIZ
What’s driving your relational patterns?
A 3-minute assessment to identify the core wound beneath your relationship struggles.
You have medical supports, right? A doctor and an OBGYN? A legal and financial team like a lawyer and CPA?
Then I suggest you model your mental health care in the same proactive way and gather around you the supports you need even before you need them: a therapist, a psychiatrist, a clergy counselor, whatever this means for you, curate and gather your mental healthcare team.
Many of us need someone who is not our significant other/friend/parent to talk to about life’s toughest stuff. Get your team in place so you can count on them for that.
3. If you believe medication may be of support to you, seek it out.
A Reason to Keep Going
25 pages of what I actually say to clients when they are in the dark. Somatic tools, cognitive anchors, and 40 grounded, honest reasons to stay. No platitudes.
Please don’t be dissuaded by any stigma or shame about potentially needing short or long-term pharmacological supports if that’s what your particular brain chemistry needs. Talk to your doctor or psychiatrist if you feel this may be an option you would like/need.
4. Take very good care of your physical health.
Always rule out any underlying physical conditions that may be contributing to your mental health and, of course, visit your doctor regularly to make sure your body is functioning well.
Make sure you’ve got a solid, nutritional plan established that works well for your own body’s unique chemistry (consult with a nutritionist if need be for this!). Move your body daily in moderate, invigorating ways that feel good and enlivening for you.
GET ENOUGH SLEEP! I can’t stress this enough: everything in life – including our mental health – becomes more challenged when we don’t get enough sleep. Avoid mood-altering substances as much as possible and in ways that you specifically need depending on your own brain chemistry.
5. Build nourishing relationships in your life.
Seek out and spend time with those who you feel seen, accepted, and celebrated by. Whether this is friends, a loving partner, a women’s group, your therapist, your spiritual community, or your family, make a point of intentional, regular contact with those nourishing relationships in your life.
And, also note that this tip may sometimes may mean withdrawing from or decreasing contact with those relationships in your life that feel painful, challenging, and unsupportive.
6. Plan play and joy and adventure!
Between the often grueling demands of work and adulting, days can fly, weeks can bleed into one another, and the months pass.
Play, joy, and adventure are fundamental needs most of us have, so intentionally building time and resources into your life to support the pursuit of this is, I believe, wonderful for your overall mental health.
Of course, the way that play, joy, and adventure manifests for each of us will be unique, so find out what sparks your joy, what breaks up your daily routines, and discover what feeds your soul and lights up your life and then do more of it regularly.
7. Create, teach, or serve.
I read somewhere once that ultimately what fulfills the majority of us could be lumped into the categories of creating, teaching, or serving.
So I would encourage you to consider how you can weave one or more of these roles into your life regularly, and/or if you already have this as a part of your life, reconnect back to the part of it that lights you up and inspires you.
8. Spend time in nature.
If there’s a panacea for more ills, I’m not sure what it might be.
Connecting to nature in whatever way feels good to you — be it gardening or sitting in your backyard sunshine, long coastal bike rides, or hikes through your local park — can support mental health in profound ways. Nature is therapeutic so I encourage you to get outside often.
9. Limit time spent on social media. Or be curious about how you can better use it.
I know, I know, no one really likes to hear this and yet we all know it: social media can often have a negative impact on our self-esteem and therefore our mental health.
So be mindful and curious about what impact social media has on you, and if it doesn’t feel supportive, consider limiting time on it, and/or be curious about using it in ways that feel more supportive.
10. Connect to something bigger than yourself.
Whether this is God and Church, AA, Spirit, The Universe, the Women’s Spirituality Movement, or another institution or practice that feeds you, guides you, and inspires you, spending time connecting to something bigger than ourselves and cultivating faith and purpose can often support our mental health significantly.
Whatever your personal preferences or practices, I encourage you to cultivate the role of this in your life as a support for your mental health.
Your mental health is worth the same investment you give everything else.
Now I’d love to hear from you:
What’s one tip you personally find useful in supporting your own mental health?
Leave a comment below so our community of blog readers can benefit from your wisdom.
Here’s to healing relational trauma and creating thriving lives on solid foundations.
Warmly,
Annie
|
Free Quiz What’s Running Your Life?The invisible patterns you can’t outwork… |
Your LinkedIn profile tells one story. Your 3 AM thoughts tell another. This quiz reveals the childhood patterns keeping you running — and why enough is never enough. |
Frequently Asked Questions
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post is for psychoeducational and informational purposes only and does not constitute therapy, clinical advice, or a therapist-client relationship. For full details, please read our Medical Disclaimer. If you are in crisis, please call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line).
You deserve a life that feels as good as it looks. Let’s work on that together.
References
- World Health Organization (2013). Mental health action plan 2013–2020. World Health Organization.
- Keyes, C. L. M. (2002). The mental health continuum: From languishing to flourishing in life. Journal of Health and Social Behavior.
- Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology.
- Walker, M. (2017). Why we sleep: Unlocking the power of sleep and dreams. Scribner.
- Bratman, G. N., Anderson, C. B., Berman, M. G., Cochran, B., de Vries, S., Flanders, J., … & Daily, G. C. (2019). Nature and mental health: An ecosystem service perspective. Science Advances.
- Twenge, J. M., & Campbell, W. K. (2018). Associations between screen time and lower psychological well-being among children and adolescents: Evidence from a population-based study. Preventive Medicine Reports.
- Norcross, J. C., & Lambert, M. J. (2018). Psychotherapy relationships that work III. Psychotherapy.
- Siegel, D. J. (2012). The developing mind: How relationships and the brain interact to shape who we are. Guilford Press.
- American Psychiatric Association (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). American Psychiatric Publishing.
Further Reading on Relational Trauma
Explore Annie’s clinical writing on relational trauma recovery.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I know if therapy is right for me?
Therapy is worth considering any time you’re experiencing persistent distress that’s interfering with your daily life, your relationships, or your sense of self — and when your existing strategies aren’t providing lasting relief. You don’t need a crisis or a diagnosis to benefit from therapy. Many of the most meaningful therapeutic work happens around patterns of relating, self-limiting beliefs, and grief that never quite got processed.
What should I expect in the first session of therapy?
The first session is primarily about you sharing your history and what brought you in, and the therapist assessing whether they’re a good fit for your needs. You’ll likely be asked about your current concerns, your background, and what you’re hoping to change. It’s also your chance to assess whether this feels like a safe and productive space. A good therapist will make room for your questions and not expect you to have everything figured out in session one.
How long does therapy take to work?
For specific, recent challenges, 8–16 sessions of focused work can make a meaningful difference. For deeper relational and identity work — the kind that often traces back to childhood patterns — longer-term therapy (1–3 years) tends to be more effective. The research is clear that consistency matters more than any specific technique: a strong therapeutic relationship, maintained over time, is one of the best predictors of positive outcomes.
Is it normal to feel worse before I feel better in therapy?
Yes — and it’s worth knowing this in advance so it doesn’t catch you off guard. Therapy often involves making contact with feelings that have been defended against or pushed down, sometimes for years. When that material comes to the surface, things can feel more difficult before they feel easier. This isn’t a sign that therapy isn’t working; it’s often a sign that you’re doing the real work.
How do I find a therapist who understands trauma?
Look specifically for therapists who use trauma-informed approaches: EMDR, somatic experiencing, Internal Family Systems, or sensorimotor psychotherapy. Ask directly about their experience with relational and developmental trauma, not just single-incident PTSD. The therapeutic relationship itself matters enormously — you should feel genuinely seen and safe, not managed or pathologized. A consultation session before committing is always worth doing.
A Reason to Keep Going
25 pages of what I actually say to clients when they are in the dark. Somatic tools, cognitive anchors, and 40 grounded, honest reasons to stay. No platitudes.
What would it mean to finally have the right support?
A complimentary consultation to discuss what you are navigating and whether working together makes sense.
BOOK A COMPLIMENTARY CONSULTATIONAnnie Wright
LMFT · 15,000+ Clinical Hours · W.W. Norton Author · Psychology Today ColumnistAnnie Wright is a licensed psychotherapist, relational trauma specialist, and the founder and successfully exited CEO of a large California trauma-informed therapy center. A W.W. Norton published author, she writes the weekly Substack Strong & Stable and her work and expert opinions have appeared in NPR, NBC, Forbes, Business Insider, The Boston Globe, and The Information.
MORE ABOUT ANNIE
